Silent Knife
Who here has read it? I just finished Chapter 2 with the letters and poems from other c/s mamas.
All I can say is wow, that was really some emotional reading. I think it was the totality of experience after experience. I could identify with so much of what they said.
At first I felt relieved in knowing I'm not alone and that this isn't something that only women of my generation are feeling. But then it also made me sad because the book was written in 1983 and to know that in the past 27 years things haven't gotten better for women who were upset about their c/s's and in many ways they have just gotten worse.
I really did not expect to get that emotional about it. I ended up crying at the end. What got me was the poem by the woman who said something like "the girl that I was died" or something like that. It really hit home for me. Motherhood changed me dramatically but also the way DS was born did too. I can't say how sad it was to think that I'll never be that woman who never experienced fear in childbirth again. 
Re: Silent Knife
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
THIS 1000%.
Sometimes I need to know I'm not alone and this is when I'll pick up the book. But most of the time I'm focused of finding peace with what happened to me. While I could've changed some of my decisions with my first labor, I did make the best decisions I knew how in the moment and unfortunately they led me to the path I'm on today. I wish there was a sequel to this that matched where I am right now with my c/s.
The kelle hampton blog has a post about how she feels having a daughter with downs and how jealous she is that others have different experiences. Her post reminds me that although I don't like the cards I've been dealt, they're my cards, and my life experience and I'm certainly going to make the most of them.
Definitely a book suggestion I will pick up when I'm back to needing to feel not alone though.
That book is what sparked my whole comment on pure birth on the NB board. that certainly went well!
I read it selectively. I read chapters depending on how well I was feeling emotionally. It's a good book, but it made me so angry. I had a nervous breakdown after reading it. Although I think it really allowed me to start being able to heal from my CS. I didn't have a "traumatic" birth, but everything was handled poorly and it was emotionally awful.
Better book to read before 1st baby!
I know it will probably just upset me, but I have it on hold at the library. I think it's very sad that it did change for a while, and VBAC rose quite a bit until the 90's, when the rates plummeted again.
I don't think, however, that the impact of the experience has ever been handled well by doctors. It's not suprising to me, though, given that (IMHO) obstetrics has never really gotten over the Victorian mindset about women and their incompetent bodies.