Fostering newborns

asiabutterfly · November 2010

I have been looking into fosturing newborns once DD gets a bit older. You take them from the hospital and take care of them until they are adopted. I always wanted to foster, but didn't want older kids that would influence DD. I think it would be amazing to be able to give these little babies love and affection and a sense of belonging those first weeks or months of their little lives. My only concern would be getting too attached or DD having trouble with it. Thoughts??

12bailey18 · November 2010

I lurked for awhile on the adoption board because I was interested in international adoption. Some of the stories were really emotional when the fostering child would leave the home. I think it would be too hard to say good-bye, you build up such a relationship and bond with the baby. And sometimes the baby doen't necessarily go to a "better home" but back to its family. I don't think I could handle it.

dunvilles · November 2010

I don't know what would be best for you... but here is my opinion on it.

Newborns take a lot of care, time, and attention. I am not willing to give that much time to a baby other than my own.

Also, i'm not sure if you work or SAH but you would be responsible for taking the newborn to their 2 week, 4 week, 6 week appts (etc) until they're adopted, if they're sick you take them, if there are court appts you take the baby. Case workers etc would be in and out of your house and you'd have to follow their guidelines. these babies could have special needs if their parents were on drugs etc... what if they had reflux or other conditions...

for ME it would be way more than I would want to take while trying to raise a toddler.

CheriLooWho · November 2010

While that is certainly admirable, I myself would have a fear of getting too attached to the baby.

But boy, if you do that, that is so amazing! I would love to be able to do that. That is very selfless of you! I you just a little bit more now!

lindylogana · November 2010

My SIL's mom (who is also my babysitter) is a foster parent for infants. They do get attached to their children and do have kids for up to 2 years but after a while they have gotten used to the children going on to somewhere else. It can also be very heartbreaking because some of the newborns you will get are drug addicted babies and she has had 1 die on her. I would take a good long look to make sure you are ready for the heartbreak. Its not all upsetting and can be very rewarding as well. If you decide to do this you are making a wonderful decision!!

dunvilles · November 2010

asiabutterfly:
I think it would be amazing to be able to give these little babies love and affection and a sense of belonging those first weeks or months of their little lives.

Also, its easy to remember loving on little babies and how cute they are but you would be up feeding them every 1-4 hrs, and do that over and over again with each newborn.

asiabutterfly · November 2010

dunvilles:

asiabutterfly:
I think it would be amazing to be able to give these little babies love and affection and a sense of belonging those first weeks or months of their little lives.

Also, its easy to remember loving on little babies and how cute they are but you would be up feeding them every 1-4 hrs, and do that over and over again with each newborn.

Im still doing it now and Im ok with it. I know it wouldn't be my own, but those babies need someone

jkfranklin · November 2010

My in-laws are currently fostering a newborn. The mother is in jail and will be for 2 years. They have to take the baby to see the mom 3 times a week for hour long visits. I personally would get too attached to the baby and knowing that I would have to give it back to the mom after she gets out of prison, I just couldn't do it.

FIL is so funny because he keeps complaining to DH that the baby is up every 3 hours. DH is like, what did you expect?

Also, daycares don't take babies until they are 6 weeks old, so they had to alternately take off work until the baby was old enough to go to daycare.

dunvilles · November 2010

asiabutterfly:
dunvilles:

asiabutterfly:
I think it would be amazing to be able to give these little babies love and affection and a sense of belonging those first weeks or months of their little lives.

Also, its easy to remember loving on little babies and how cute they are but you would be up feeding them every 1-4 hrs, and do that over and over again with each newborn.

Yes, I just can't imagine doing this possibly for years at a time depending on how quickly you would get a foster newborn.

Do you work or SAH?

I have friends that are foster parents and they got a newborn from the hospital that was addicted to opiates. They're HOPEFULLY going to adopt her but they've been through so much with just being foster parents. It has really opened my eyes to the foster care system in America. They both work and have had to drive 1 hr to take the baby to the doctor (no local providers take the state insurance that foster kids are on in our town), they have to drive the baby to and from visits with the mom (infant visits are during the day because all of the school aged kids do visits after 3pm), they have appointments with WIC and it has taken them 6 months to be able to get tubes for the baby's ears because they had to get a court order first (after 8 ear infections in 6 months), and to top it off the foster agency has had to run 3 different ads in the paper for "possible fathers" of this baby to rule out him wanting the baby or any of his family. They are both SO SO SO lucky that their work places have been understanding about all of the visits/time off.

Im still doing it now and Im ok with it. I know it wouldn't be my own, but those babies need someone

Boizmom · November 2010

It is really easy to get attached to the babies. Growing up my family was a foster family (me and my baby brother were adopted). We had countless babies, toddlers, kids and teens roll through our house. It was hard. A lot of the babies were addicted to drugs or special needs and not all were newborns fresh from the hospital either. A lot of the older kids had behavior issues. One we had would run away all the time and another would bite. We had one kid who robbed us blind. But in regards to the babies...they can be some of the toughest. When they cry it just breaks your heart to know that they don't have a Mommy. I know it was hard on the rest of us kids having to share Mom, we didn't really understand.

bakermommy10 · November 2010

I say if you can do it all the more power to you. I was fostered for the first 5 weeks of my life before everything was sorted out and my adoptive parents were able to get me. It's certainly not for everyone but if you really feel strongly about it than go for it.

That being said.....The first few months of Aidens life is not something i could've gone through just for anyone. He was colicky (and i know some people say this if they have a cranky baby)...not the case, he screamed for hours on end.. stayed up all night and all day sometimes, and there was literally nothing i could do. All I could think was i don't know how i would've managed another child at that time, because i could barely function myself. That isn't enough to stop me from having more children however.

berrysweet · November 2010

I used to work for a non-profit that represented kids in foster care (or involved with the child welfare system) in court. Here's my two cents:

-I don't know if this is the case with all states, but Oregon is VERY pro-reunification. This means that foster parents of newborns were often expected to accommodate extended visits with the biological parents (sometimes 6+ hours several times a week rather than the standard 1 hour per week). Additionally, Oregon is largely moving to a mentor model for foster parents of newborns. Essentially, if there is ANY chance of reunification with the parent (which there almost always is in the state's eyes), the foster parents are expected to mentor the parents in appropriate parenting, including allowing them in their home to participate in bedtime routines, etc.

Obviously, this varies greatly from state to state. In some states (like CA, I believe), they move to permanency more quickly than normal if the child is a baby, so they're looking for foster parents who are open to adoption. So I would absolutely sit down with a caseworker and talk extensively about expectations for foster parents of newborns, as well as whether or not the state focuses on reunification, or moving to permanency quickly for newborns.

-Another avenue you could consider would be to become an "emergency placement" for young children (maybe newborn through age 2 or 3). In other words, you're the temporary foster home that kids are taken to while the state attempts to find a more permanent foster home. Here in Oregon, I think the maximum placement time in an emergency placement is supposed to be 72 hours. However, these placements are often middle of the night placements from pretty extreme circumstances (in most cases, a caseworker has been involved with a family for weeks or months before they actually remove a child, so they have plenty of time to line up an appropriate long-term placement).

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