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Parenting after a Loss
vlewis515
member
s/o nursing in public...another perspective...
vlewis515
member
I realize I may get flamed for this and I'm perfectly fine with that but I just can't hold my tongue on it any longer.
I 110% support breastfeeding. I wish I could have done it but it didn't work out for me.
But I don't support nursing in public. I'm sorry I just don't. I feel like breastfeeding is an intimate time between a mother and a child that the entire world doesn't need to be watching. Yes it is a completely natural thing and not a disgusting thing by any stretch of the imagination. But you know what? So is sex...but we don't do that in the middle of a mall food court...and I'm willing to be none of you want to see that either.
Now I'm willing to concede that in front of family is not so bad to me. But I know for a fact that my dad wouldn't want to see that. And I know that I wouldn't want my father in law to watch me bf.
Furthermore, I have always read and been told by my pediatrician that a baby's feeding should be as calm and quiet as possible...what is calm or quiet about a mall or a store or a party?
I understand there are certain situations in which NIP is necessary such as on a plane or during a road trip. But that can be done discreetly such as covering up.
I just feel like as much as the women who support NIP feel persecuted for their beliefs, those of us who don't support NIP are made to seem like we don't support breastfeeding at all when thats not the case at all.
So like I said another perspective, take it or leave it, just MHO.
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Re: s/o nursing in public...another perspective...
I typically try to find a quiet corner if I'm out, for instance, in malls, I go to Macy's and find one of the little nooks they have with chairs and couches.. I often leave parties and nurse in the car, and feel fine about it. I'm fine nursing in my own house, wherever, if people are over, it depends how many, how noisy, how crowded, and who - if I just have a female friend or two over, I have no problem nursing there, if family is over, same. If we have a bunch of friends over, I go upstairs. I would imagine that next year when we're flying, if I'm still nursing, which I hope to be, I'll try to sit in the window seat, with my husband next to me, as a block of sorts, and if I feel I need to, I might use a cover. who knows.
I take each session as it happens, and I try to be discreet, but #1 is my baby. If he's hungry, I'll feed him. I figure the quicker I stop the fussing, the less attention you draw anyways!
6 Sept 2009 - natural miscarriage at 9 weeks
Sang it, sister. I concure.
I was gonna PIP an "applause" but this came up and is way better.
i'm not going to flame you. i can attempt to understand where you are coming from. but i wholeheartedly disagree with you.
for one thing, if you're going to say that breastfeeding is an intimate time between mom and baby, then how is it different than bottle feeding? you used the example of sex but i really don't think that's a good analogy. sex is sex. breastfeeding is breastfeeding. as in, feeding a baby. it doesn't have to be intimate in the behind-closed-doors kind of way. it's intimate in the sense that it's skin to skin bonding but that doesn't mean it has to be private.
second, you said feeding should be as calm and quiet as possible. to me, the key word here is as possible. if you are out in a restaraunt and your LO is hungry, does that mean you have to leave the restaraunt in order to find somewhere calm and quiet? and if you're making this arguement against NIP, you'd have to say the same thing about bottle feeding.
third, you say NIP can be done by discreetly covering up in public. well, i don't know about that. i have seen some women use a cover in public and they could breastfeed discretely. but i've also seen some women with a very hungry baby who TRIED to cover up and their kid was just not having it. crying, fussing, flailing their arms and legs about. the cover was a huge burden to the whole feeding business. this a) hindered any hope of a "calm and quiet" feeding situation and b) failed at "discretion" since the kid was making a scene and c) failed at discretion because the cover wasn't able to cover much with the kid thrashing around.
i tried nursing. i tried so hard, and i really wish it would have worked out for me. i have nothing but respect for women who can overcome all the challenges of breastfeeding-- latching issues, supply issues, body image issues, and all the other issues that comes along with it. nursing in public should not be another issue these women have to overcome.
and also, as a bottle feeder, i have to say i absolutely HATE feeding my baby in public. it is annoying packing the bottle and the formula and worrying about having to mix everything and get the bottle at the right temperature and then try to find a place to stash everything AND clean (or at least rinse) the bottles afterwards. it's so annoying. i am all for simplicity. if a woman can pop out a boob and feed her kid-- GOOD FOR HER. if she WANTS to get a cover-up involved, hey that's her choice but if she finds it a hinderance, who am i to tell her she needs it? i know i wouldn't want anyone coming along and trying to make my bottle feeding experience any more difficult then it already is-- i wouldn't do the same for a breastfeeding mom.
::lights match:: ok, I'm not going to "flame" you but I do have to say something
which explains why it's hard for you to fully "get it"
to compare it with sex just proves that you view breasts as exclusively sexual objects while I view them as the way I feed my baby.
my dad has a problem with me showing too much cleavage but doesn't have a problem with me nursing Jason. I was nursed for 15 months, he's probably proud of me that I can nourish my child as I was nourished. There is nothing calm and quite about a hungry baby on the go and an older baby will not abide by a cover. I've tried using one but he just pulls it off and struggling with that draws much more attention to us than nursing him without it. I must add that when go somewhere where I know I'll NIP I wear clothing that will keep me mostly covered while doing it so many times people just think we're cuddling and don't even know I"m nursing him.
you just didn't BF long enough to fully understand how comfortable with it people who EBF become. I've gotten to the point that I would feel totally comfortable whiping my whole boob out to feed Jason when he needs it. I just don't view my boobs the same as I used to and I alway feel that if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to look.
"Interesting" perspective, however I don't plan on holing myself in the house for the next year because you or anyone else doesn't agree with it and I always cover up - more so for my benefit than anyone else's.
As for it being a private moment and a time to bond, I'm currently nursing Lo and she's got her eyes closed and falling asleep, as she most often does, it's not intimate and there's not much bonding going on here.
I have been "quiet" on this issue long enough.
You know what I don't understand. Why people feel the need to post about NIP or being against NIP. Seriousely. Does anyone honestly think these posts are going to make someone feel better in the decision they chose? Why do you care if someone NIP? If it is not for you, then fine- don't do it. If you do NIP, there is no reason to draw attention to it. BTW I NIP - with a cover because I feel insecure about my chest being exposed. My areola is still exposed while LO nurses, so a cover up works for us. Plus LO doesnt mind it. That isnt to say that when we are in the middle of the mall, I just walk around with her on my boob shopping. But somtimes finding a bench (which happends to sometimes be in the middle of the walkways) is the most practical thing to do. I have a 3 year old ya know? I can't make my 3 year old walk the whole mall trying to find somewhere to feed Brynn because its inconvenient to SOMEONE ELSE. Anyway, my point is that there is no reason for debate. It just causes drama. If you see someone NIP IRL , then look away , without disgust. No reason for it. You most likely will never see that person again. Phew...
ETA: I don't think any less of FF moms or moms who choose to run and hide to feed their LO's. You do what is best for YOU and YOUR baby. I dont understand why society feels they need to co parent others kids.
Eh, I disagree with you, but I was pretty long-winded on why.
To each his own. I'd personally prefer that people stop dressing their little girls in clothes that say "sexy" and "future MILF", but I don't ask them to cover up....
This is the main reason I thank God everyday that Gabe came out with boy parts. I think it would be so so so freaking hard to raise a daughter in our society. For real though, they really need to revamp the whole girls clothing industry.
oh no. i would say something.
When I read posts like this it occurs to me that perhaps the anti-NIP contingent thinks that those of us who NIP do so to prove a point or to make a statement. I suppose there are people out there for whom it is a wholly political thing. But I think most of us are just feeding our babies when they get hungry.
I don't leave the house in the morning thinking "gee, where am I going to NIP today?" I think "I need to go to Target and pick up some chicken at the grocery store, and then maybe I'll swing by the mall." And if the baby wants to nurse when I'm at Macy's, then I'll be happy that there's a bench out front for me to sit on and feed her. I'm not going to let her cry for 45 minutes while I get out of the mall and drive home, you know? I'm just feeding my kid. I prefer to do it in the privacy of my own home, but if she gets hungry when I'm out, what am I going to do?
<a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/putalittlepolkainyourdot/?action=view
I was comparing breastfeeding to something else that was natural. I could have just as easily said urinating or defecating or having your period. I don't want to see anyone peeing or pooping or waving around a used tampon either. The only reason I didn't use those was that I didn't want anyone to put words in my mouth and draw the conclusion that I saw bfing as disgusting.
I see sex as natural and beautiful. I see breasts as nurturing in many ways. I believe that because they are in front of my heart and the first things that my son went for after birth, they are what he finds comforting to lay his head down on and is able to slip into a deep peaceful sleep. I believe that one reason my husband is attracted to me is because of my breasts but not because they are "sexual objects" but maybe because his mother has large breasts also. Maybe because as a baby he also could lay his head down on his mothers warm chest and fall asleep to her heart beat. Maybe that's why when he is stressed out he just wants to lay in bed with me fully clothed with his head on my chest and go to sleep.
All things that don't need to be done in public.
Don't presume to understand the way I see breasts based on my comparison of breastfeeding and sex both being natural things. Sounds to me like you may see breasts as "sexual objects" more than I do.
I have been lucky enough to BF my children, and I am hoping to do the same with this LO...
When your hungry do you eat? When your child is hungry do you give them a bottle? so Why is it a child that is BF should have to suffer and only be allowed to eat at home?
I do agree that there is a discreet way to do it, and that some people may be able to do with that without a cover, and some may choose to use one.
I'm with you on this one! DH is freaking out about us having a girl next time and the main reason is because of the clothing options nowadays moreso for teens but the little girls clothes like that are ridiculous!
I always wanted to.... I saw a whole rack of them at Walmart once and I wanted to puke. Seriously? But, hey, people parent how they parent. I'm sure there are craploads of people that think I'm screwing up my son in all sorts of nifty ways.
I try (try being the important word) to try to reserve judgment, but I also try to openly thank/support folks who do things that I see as really awesome, even if I can't pull it off. Like breastfeeding. I can't, but because I tried, I have soooooo much respect for the people who still are.
this. I also hate using a cover, will do so grudgingly, but ideally I NIP in a place that's as discrete as possible and if I think I may need to NIP, I wear nursing tops that allow me remain mostly covered while still getting quick, easy access to the boobies.
I think there are a lot of good points that other people brought up, so I won't beat them to death.
But first of all, eating and sex are totally different. Yes, they both fall under "needs," but you don't NEED SEX RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE to survive or keep yourself from crying. Food is a totally different story.
I think the main point to glean from this (and all NIP debates) is that breastfeeding is nothing to be ashamed of and every woman's nursing/ffing story is different. If you don't feel comfortable BFing or NIPing, don't do it. If you don't like to see it, grow up, get over it, and look away. Every baby is different, so don't pretend to understand why you think someone is nursing in public.
I don't judge you or anyone else for formula feeding. Don't judge me.
I don't understand the NIP debates. Just look away if you don't want to see it. I think the majority of women use a cover or are as discreet as is possible anyway. As long as the baby is fed, why should anyone judge how the baby was fed?
I'm going to preface this by saying that I have never nursed in public, and the closest I have gotten is in front of a few good friends and at my son's daycare, all with a cover on which he doesn't mind. I havent done it because attitudes like this make me uncomfortable.
I think the reason that this is such a hot issue for bf-ers is that it is SO HARD to bf. For me anyway. I personally think this all would be a lot easier if I chose to FF, but I haven't. I would 100x rather bring a bottle out with me each time my son needs to eat in public, but that's just not always possible. Sometimes I don't know when he will be hungry.
It's hard enough doing this without the added pressure to hide it, or feel embarassed by feeding your child. Do I want to see someone's boobs at a restaurant? Eh, maybe not, but who cares. I do my best to be covered but if someone doesn't want to I don't see why it should be a big deal.
I think if we are going to be supportive of other women and their choices as mothers, this needs to become a non-issue. Everyone really needs to chill out and respect that this is a hard job no matter what you do and we should do what we can to make it easy for each other.
ETA Also it's total BS to say you support bfing 110% but you think it should only be done in private.
BFP #2- 1/5/10- Baby Jack born at 37w2d, 6lbs 13 oz, 8/24/10
BFP #3- 7/30/11- Baby Boy Due April 3, 2012
This...and I also agree with everyone else who already disagreed with you. I wouldn't judge you if I saw you bottle feeding your baby in the mall food court so why do you need to judge me for nursing mine?
I agree with Kathy as well that you didn't get a chance to BF long enough to have to be faced with NIP. I would never be able to leave my house if I didn't NIP. For my sanity, as well as my son's, we need to be able to get out and that means he'll need to eat at some point while we're out. I'm not going to deny him his food while we're out and make him scream in hunger while I drive him home so we can have our "intimate" nursing session.
I try to cover as much as possible when NIP either with the appropriate clothing or with a nursing cover, but I cannot control what my son wants. So if he's throwing the cover off his head then there's nothing I can do about it. I wouldn't want to eat with a blanket on my head either.
Don't even get me started about comparing sex and BFing. Yes, BFing is a bonding experience, but I'm not getting pleasure out of it in the same way I would if I was having sex. Totally different incomparable things.
Like everyone else said, if you don't like NIP, then look away.
I honestly have no idea why you- who no longer nurses- feels the need to preach to why you don't agree with NIP on a board where you know many of us EBF and may or may not NIP.
I guess you're bored...
If you really do believe what you said about when you feed LO it should be in a quiet/private place- then I like to challenge you on EVERY time you have to feed LO you too go find a private place even if you are bottle feeding. I bet you seldom do.
You are entitled to your opinion- I just don't get why you're on a soapbox for something you have nothing to do with.
I agree with Someflower 100%.. If you are going to say you shouldnt bf your baby in public then should you bottle feed your baby in public? It is a synthetic nipple. Isnt that offensive? It looks like a nipple, it was made to look like a nipple why isnt it offensive?
I personally bf and if/when necessary I do nip.. I do so with a cover up because it makes me feel more comfortable. I cant ff my dd anywhere. Guess why cuz she doesnt take a bottle from me period! She wont take it from me even if she is starving. So would you recommend I let her be hungry or NIP discreetly? Would you rather hear a screaming child? or see someone sitting nursing a baby?
I hate that people cant just "put on their big girl panties" and get over this. Seriously people we are adults. If you dont want to look at a girl because she has everything hanging out (cooch, boobies) and is leaving nothing to the imagination - do you a) look away or b) complain about it? You dont have to look if you are offended. Look away.
And honestly what really bugs me about the entire thing is that women are allowed to walk around with all but their nipps hanging out showing cleavage and that is perfectly acceptable but heaven forbid my child is UNDER a cover, that is offensive?
And lets talk a minute about teenage girls walking around in inappropriate clothing. I myself have a teenage girl and I have taught her since childhood to be proud of her body but to also be modest so that she doesnt give boys/men the wrong idea. She is very large chested (34DD) and will even wear tanks underneath shirts just so no cleavage is showing. IMHO its the difference of the parents teaching them bettter / not allowing them to wear it.
To me this debate is pointless. You make the decisions of what is best for your child and I dont think anyone should be flamed for their decision to bf or ff. As long as you are feeding your child who cares the delivery method?
Just so you know, BF babies usually eat more frequently than FF babies. So while I used to try as best I could to run errands RIGHT AFTER a feeding so he could just sleep in the car seat while I was out and then I could feed him when I got home and put him to sleep in his crib, you can't always control how long an errand will take. And not all of us have the luxury of going out in 1.5 hour increments.
Ok so what about us that have older children who have to pick them up or take them to the dr, or whatever activities the older children require. Are you saying I should neglect the activities of my older children so I can be home when my DD needs to eat? Should I stop going to church and stop being active in leading music? Should I instead of going to the nursery to nurse her during a service (when necessary) I should just take her home and miss out on the service? Should I not take my children to the park because my DD might need to nurse during that time? Or what about when she decides to have a growth spurt and gets hungry at a time she isnt normally hungry? Do I tell her to wait until I get home?
More proof that you (OP) shouldn't be so quick to judge everyone else's situations.
This is so ignorant in so many ways. You are so way up high on your high horse it's quite unbelievable.
I guess all of us EBF moms should take a course on how to plan our outings better. Stupid us...
I will admit that before I had kids I thought these things could be planned, but turns out my hungry little guy eats every 1 1/2 to 2 hours from the start of a feed, so if I want to go out in public, I NIP.
p.s.
congrats, i didn't realize you won perfect mommy of the year award.
Seriously? Sometimes it is best to just keep our thoughts to ourselves!
Particularly when your baby is about a minute old. Maybe you can be judgey when you have several perfect teenagers. Until then - hold your tongue.
Surgery for ectopic pregnancy June 3, 2008
******
BFP #2 September 25, 2008
Baby boy born June 4, 2009 at 40 weeks
8 pounds 13 ounces and 23 inches
******
BFP #3 February 6, 2011
First U/S February 25, 2011 = TWINS!!!
Boy/girl twins born October 4, 2011
I thought this, exactly!!!! I'd love to give my husband a "daddy's girl"... but I don't want the teenager! lol
6 Sept 2009 - natural miscarriage at 9 weeks
This exactly. Who cares?
Amen and dito...well not jason lol
July 2004 abnormal pap, colposcopy and LEEP procedure ~ paps every 3 months all normal for 1 year
2006 all clear to start TTC
HSG Nov 2007 ~ all normal except mild left tube blockage
BFP #2 Dec 2007 EDD sept 3 ~ missed m/c ~ Feb 14 2008 ~ 9wk 2d D&C
BFP #3 Apr 2008 EDD Dec 10 ~ ectopic ~ May 2008 ~ 5wk 2d ~ emergency lap surgery, lost left tube
BFP #4 Jul 2008 EDD May 5 ~ missed m/c ~ Aug 2008 ~ 5wk 2d D&C - trisomy 16
RPL panel Aug 2008 ~ diagnosed with compound hetero MTHFR
BFP #5 Nov 2008 EDD Jul 31 ~ blighted Ovum ~ Dec 2008 ~ 4wk 3d ~ natural m/c at home for my birthday
BFP #6 Feb 2009 EDD Oct 15 ~ 4wk 3d ~ chemical pregnancy ~ Mar 2008
BFP #7 May 18 2009 ~ Gabriel Michael ~ Jan 19, 2010 ~ 7lbs 2oz 21"
TTC again since Jan 2011
BFP #8 Jun 2011 EDD Jan 20 ~ 5wk 6d ~ missed m/c ~ D&C
July - Hysterscopy removed some polyps, all clear for IUI with clomid
Aug-Oct - IUI - with Clomid all BFN
Nov-Jan - IUI - with femara and trigger = BFN
back to TTC naturally on our own hoping for another miracle.
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Those do not equate. It's a total contradiction. You might say you 110% support feeding breastmilk, but if you don't support NIP you certainly are not a supporter of breastfeeding.