Advice from those TTC...Honest Question.

laurenlee82 · November 2010

Hey,

I am wondering from you all, because I've been reading these posts and just thinking. I am recently pregnant and it didn't take us long at all and I have a friend who is TTC and is having a really hard time. I want to share the news with her but it seems like you all hate that and get upset about it and get jealous (which I 100% understand, seriously, i can't imagine). I want to tell her because she's my friend, not because I'm trying to rub it it, etc. I'm not ready to tell her yet because I'm still relatively early but I wanted to ask you what you thought. I want to be the best friend as possible and I don't want to be one of those people you are mad at on the boards.

I am not writing this to rub it in or anything I swear - I just wanted your advice. I wish ALL of you to get BFPs and that this is your cycle! I am blowing baby dust to all of you. Sorry if you already hate this post, I meant no harm. Thanks so much in advance.

Best,

LL

girlofsummer78 · November 2010

Honestly, I would hope a friend of mine wouldn't hold back on her joys just because I'm having difficulties. I like to share in my friend's happiness and it's not their fault that it's taking my DH & I awhile to get pregnant.

XXXXX222 · November 2010

Hi, LL! It hurts more when you find your friend has been walking on eggshells. When you're ready, tell her privately and give her time to digest it all. You're a sweet friend for being concerned about her.

jiffy-pop · November 2010

Lol, I'll just say this: if I had a super good friend get pg and not tell me right away, I would be even more hurt. It's the people that we don't know that well, or people we don't care that much about that hurt when they get pregnant. If it's someone you care about, you want the best for them. So, even though your friend is having TTTC, she might feel a little bummed but she is going to feel excited for you at the same time.

laurenlee82 · November 2010

THANK YOU! I will tell her when we are ready at the end of the 1st trimester. I was hoping your answers would be what they were.

Thanks again and GL and Baby Dust to all!

xo

peppersnic · November 2010

Hi! First off Congratz!!! We don't hate hearing about BFP's it is just hard for those of us that have been TTC for yrs (me 4). So on the friend thing, i have a friend that i shared all my darkest and deepest feelings with. She was my best friend. She is about 10 yrs older than me and had already had 2 kids yrs ago. Well anyway, I never knew she wanted to have a 3rd and to my surprise I found out on FB that she was expecting. She never told me. So all this time I had been telling her all my TTC stuff and all along she was trying herself. It took them 10 months and in that time she still never spilled a word. when i asked her why she didn't tell me, she said she didn't want to hurt me. well I had news for her, it did hurt and all though i am still friends with her, she is not at the front of the line anymore. It was devastating for me that she didn't tell me she was preg or even that she was TTC. we could have gotten that much more closer.

SO my advise is you need to tell her ASAP and pretty much b4 you tell anyone else. If you tell her that you are preg and she is one of the first or the first to find out, she will be happy for you. I promise, that is if she is a real friend. I have another frined that knew the story about my other friend not telling me, and guess what, I was the 2nd person to know. She told her DH and then me.

SO GL on telling the friend and GL on the pregnancy!

steff13914 · November 2010

girlofsummer78:
Honestly, I would hope a friend of mine wouldn't hold back on her joys just because I'm having difficulties. I like to share in my friend's happiness and it's not their fault that it's taking my DH & I awhile to get pregnant.

I agree with this completely!

Maddie753 · November 2010

Hi Lauren

Congrats on your BFP. I would tell your friend right away. Dont make an issue out of it because it becomes worse. Trust me. My SIL and cousin both got pregnant the first month (1 with her 3rd -wasnt trying-, 1 with her 2nd). They both made this big todo about being afraid to tell me. They went behind my back telling my other family and saying they didnt know how to tell me. I had told them both to tell me and not to make a big deal about it. Sometimes with IF we already feel like the "emotional one" that it makes it harder when people tiptoe around us. Be normal with us and tell us. Dont make it any different then if my husband and I werent having trouble. Hope I make sense.

Best of luck and you are a good friend to be concerned.

gidge · November 2010

I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said.

Please try to make sure you tell her somewhere that is kind of private. She will be happy for you but probably very sad for herself.

Also, you may want to let her lead conversations after she knows about your pregnancy. I don't think she'll want to be excluded from things you share with all your other friends but it will still hurt. I hate getting u/s pictures because they hurt so much to see but it would be worse to be the only one not getting that email, KWIM? And please don't complain about pregnancy to her. We all know it's not always super awesome and great (and you don't have to pretend that it is) but she isn't the person that you should really share your complaints with.

Congrats! I hope things go smoothly with your pregnancy!

MrsVo · November 2010

I agree with what everyone has said and you are an awesome friend for coming here for advice

Private location & high on the list of people you tell so she doesn't find out on FB are key.

Mrs. Mo · November 2010

Ditto pp's with not keeping it from here. Also, make sure you don't constantly talk about being KU. Sure, she will be excited about the major appointments but doesn't need to hear you complain about your back hurting or what-not.

JKGymnast · November 2010

Gold star because you came here first to ask what we thought - you are obviously a good friend and want to be sure you do what's best.

I would tell her fairly soon... Also wait for her to ask YOU questions about how the PG is going. Just so you dont rub it in or have it be #1 topic of discussion. My best friend's job is to keep my mind completely OFF TTC. :-)

You're a good person for being concerned. Best of luck in your pregnancy.

katedemers · November 2010

I have to agree with the PP. I should have asked this a while back myself. I tried to 'hide' a pregnancy from a friend who was having TTTC. I kept hoping she'd get her BFP and that it would make it easier that we were pregnant. I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing, and it backfired. She was so sad that I had kept if from her. She said she appreciated that I had put enough thought into telling her that it showed I cared about her feelings, but ultimately she was dissappointed that I didnt give her enough credit for being able to separate her happiness for me from her own situation. Were still very good friends, and she was amazing through the PG...but I really regret not sharing it with her earlier. She said "it hurts me a bit anytime someone gets pregnant...but knowing you kept it from me is a double whammy'. Just my 2 cents. I hope you have a wonderful healthy pregnancy! You are a good friend for wanting to be sensitive to her feelings.

kellbranc · November 2010

I agree with what most everyone here is saying. I have a billion friends pregnant right now. You get used to it. People DO get pregnant. Its part of life. I know that my one friend said to me "I was afraid to tell you and that it would set you off the deep end". THAT offended me WAAAAAAAAAAY more then her telling me she was pregnant did. I'm was thinking wow I must REALLY come off as a crazy bitter angry IF girl!!!!

so yes. tell her. I wouldn't say "amazing how fast it happened".... or anything to that effect. But share your news with her

congrats BTW!

everam01 · November 2010

This happened to me a lot while TTC, and I'm glad my friends always told me right away and I didn't have to find out through the grapevine or the dreaded facebook post. As long as you're not bragging about how quickly it happened, I think the best way to go is to just tell her. It always hurts, but it would hurt much less if she found out you were took uncomfortable to tell her.

Ski&Sail09 · November 2010

My two best friends and sister-in-law have gotten pregnant and had their babies all while DH and I have been trying. DH and I were 14 months into trying when they told me (they were two weeks apart from eachother). They both told me at the beginning of the 2nd tri, I was/am so excited for them. Whether you tell her now or later if she isn't pregnant yet it will jolt her a little, there is no way around it but if she is a really good friend she will only be happy for you. I'm sure she will cry a little once she get's off the phone with you...I did, but it's not you she's crying about, it's the saddness she's feeling for herself. One thing to keep in mind, do not complain to her, or even on FB where she might see anything about morning sickness or swollen ankles or heartburn or sleepless nights because the baby is moving. That will piss her off since she would give ANYTHING to experience those discomforts. That's how you can be a good friend to her. PS- congrats on the pregnancy!

PMTeagle · November 2010

A good friend of mine )who has gotten pregnant twice since we started trying) made a point of telling me before she broke the news to the masses. That really meant a lot to me. I knew she was concerned about how I would take it, but I was really happy for her and it meant a lot that she let me in on things right before everyone else knew the big news.

Congrats on your news!

DeputiesWife · November 2010

I think hate is a strong word - if she is a true friend of yours, you shouldnt even think of holding back - I understand why you would, however I would be more upset andmore hurt if my best friend held back her pregnancy news because she was afraid to tell me and then I found out other ways.

Those people we get mad at are the ones who hold stuf back and make insensitive comments like oh it didnt take me long at all or comments such as just relax.

Dont apologize for getting your BFP either -- I dont like that. Its not your fault so therefore you shouldnt be sorry.

My bff shares a lot of her pregnancy with me -- and I am happy about that because I am truly happy for her. I think if you are supportive of your friend everything will work out ok.

good luck and contrats to you.

DeputiesWife · November 2010

Mrs. Mo:
Ditto pp's with not keeping it from here. Also, make sure you don't constantly talk about being KU. Sure, she will be excited about the major appointments but doesn't need to hear you complain about your back hurting or what-not.

Yes, this too!

Want a personalized experience?

Advice from those TTC...Honest Question.

Re: Advice from those TTC...Honest Question.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards