do you ever feel like (long and ventish)

Liss_37 · November 2010

Do you ever feel like your DH deliberately does stuff so he doesn't have to put in a lot of work with LO?

Sometimes I get so frustrated with DH.. He only sees DS for maybe 2 hours max a day (on a good day) because of his work. You'd think that he would want to monopolize on those 2 hours as much as he can right? Well sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

All week he's been working late, okay I get it, you have to work. But then he comes home and picks DS up for maybe 5 mins and then says he has to go to the bathroom. Then he dissapears in there with his ipod & blackberry for like a half hour.

By then, I've already fed ds his supper, gotten him in his PJ's and everything and the kid is dead tired. So he comes out of the washroom and plays with him for 10 mins before DS has to go to bed.

And do you think he puts him to bed? negative. I do that, too.

I just feel like lately he's full of excuses.. he always has to use the washroom at the most convenient of times, or he has to go downstairs and do some laundry (i can't use the stairs yet), etc.

Anyone else in the same boat sometimes? He's generally a great DH and Dad, i just feel like these past couple weeks he's really slacking in the daddy dept.

Oh and if you're just going to post and say how wonderful your DH is, and gloat about how you don't have any of my problems, please don't bother. I already feel shitty enough, I don't need to feel worse, thx.

edited to fix my own spelling mistakes.

alltwistedup · November 2010

I was going to post something the other day about dh but felt bad airing my dirty laundry. Anyways we aren't dealing with that, persay, but I am dealing with the fact that I do 100% of everything for our home. It makes me feel so unappreciated. I talk to him about it and he seems so sorry and like he will try better but nothing has changed. Anyways your not alone. We have good husbands but sometimes they are boneheads.

dunvilles · November 2010

Have you talked with him about how you're feeling?

I felt this way with my DH when Liam was younger birth-4 months probably. One day, I made an appointment and told DH he'd have to watch Liam until I was done. So he had to feed Liam, bathe him, & put him to bed... he told me that he never realized how much work that is and how much he wished I was there to help him. Things have been different since then.

GL

BethD76 · November 2010

Mine is usually helpful.But. He has no problem going out to his shop garage until 7:30pm and leaving me alone with DS. I understand sometimes he is working on stuff for us, but he doesn't keep DS so I can scrub the shower etc... He used to say things like "what would you do if I wasn't here" or "You need to learn to do that by yourself." I nipped those in the bud. On the second one he was referring to me leaning over the edge of the whirlpool tub to give DS a bath when he was little. I had a cs! Angry

MarthaP18 · November 2010

Mine definitely doesn't get it either. When I was working fulltime, I did everything with DS when I was home because I WANTED to spend every minute that I could with him. Now that I'm home with DS all the time, I feel like I don't get a break AT ALL, plus I always have to get up when DS isn't sleeping well (like these last few nights.... I'm DYING over here). I don't think he sees me being home with DS as "working", even though it's a thousand times more exhausting than my "desk job" ever was. Even when we're both home, he NEVER takes the initiative to do anything with or for DS. I do everything, unless I specifically ask him to do something, and even them, it's like he's annoyed that I'm asking him to do ANYTHING. Seriously, the other day, I asked him to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer and he was annoyed. I was doing like 300 things at the moment. Ugh. Men are boneheads.

MarthaP18 · November 2010

Oh, and then he gets annoyed when DS prefers me. Um.... what do you expect? I bathe him, feed him, dress him, play with him, etc. And you watch the NFL Network. Is it any wonder the kid wants ME?

dunvilles · November 2010

MarthaP18:
Oh, and then he gets annoyed when DS prefers me. Um.... what do you expect? I bathe him, feed him, dress him, play with him, etc. And you watch the NFL Network. Is it any wonder the kid wants ME?

This irritates my DH too! hehe... although I've had the stomach bug and DH has gotten up with Liam EVERY time for the past 3 days! WOO HOO praise the lord for sleep! (Liam still gets up 1-3x a night)

vshadd00 · November 2010

I get it. I love DH and most of the time he is a great guy but he does this to me a lot. When I brought it up to him he said "well do I do anything right." I dropped the subject. Here's the kicker: he doesn't understand why i don't want another LO right now. Hello, I work 45+ hours a week, cook dinner, take care of LO and when she is in bed I run around like crazy trying to keep up the house.

MSUMamaof2 · November 2010

OMG, THE BATHROOM THING!!!!!!!!! Angry

I have flipped my stuff at least once a week since Eli has been born about DH going to the bathroom for a half hour when he gets home. DH gets home at 6pm every night. Eli is in bed by 8pm. Sam goes to bed between 8:30pm and 9pm. He has 2 hours to spend with kids and spends A QUARTER of that time in the john with his laptop. I hate it. It pisses me off so bad. Despite my pleas, yelling, all of the above, that's the one thing that's never gotten any better. He assures me it takes him 30 minutes to take a crap. So I just deal now.

But yes, I do pretty much everything around here. And if I'm not doing it alone, I'm assisting (as in, "Hey C, I think Eli has stinky butt--come give me a hand").

I feel you, Liss. But I'm honestly of the opinion now that this is just most men. There are some posters on here whose DHs are really hands on, and mine is--but he wants to do his stuff FIRST.

Nicole731 · November 2010

Yes. Sometimes I really resent DH because I do almost 100% of taking care of the kids, and keeping the house together. And I work full time and bring home more money so most of the financial burden falls on me. I feel like I have to specifically ask for him to do something for him to realize that I need help, and half the time I do that the kids don't want him because they are used to their routine of me doing everything. I love him but I really need a break sometimes.

JaysonandKristin · November 2010

Nicole731:
Yes. Sometimes I really resent DH because I do almost 100% of taking care of the kids, and keeping the house together. And I work full time and bring home more money so most of the financial burden falls on me. I feel like I have to specifically ask for him to do something for him to realize that I need help, and half the time I do that the kids don't want him because they are used to their routine of me doing everything. I love him but I really need a break sometimes.

Your post really made me think, Nicole. Because I'm a SAHM, I just take on almost everything with the baby. He won't change a diaper or dress him "because you can do it faster, and he squirms all over the place." He won't take DS with him to pick up pizza or go to the store to give me a break "until he can walk." WTH? If I was working, not even necessarily even being a bread-winning working mom, there's no way I'd put up with it. Not making a comment on your situation, Nicole, I'd just never thought of my situation through the eyes of a working mom.

Don't get me wrong, while DH is really great at playing with DS, he just stinks at the not so glamorous side of parenting. But, I can't complain because he does a majority of the housework. I'm only responsible for cooking and laundry. Hell, I can handle our situation, I just wish he'd freakin' change a diaper or bathe him or put him to sleep... every once in awhile.

KendraJoette · November 2010

My husband was this way until we talked, he just didnt realize that I needed help. He thought that I wanted to do it all, and he was totally willing to help once he knew how I felt.

tripthelightfantastick · November 2010

OMG, DH does the "bathroom thing" but cigaretts....

He's not allowed to smoke on the back porch where DD can see him, so he goes out front for 30+ minutes to smoke. Then when he gets back in and I ask what took so long, he acts like it's normal to take a half an hour to roll and smoke one cigarette?!?

He's taken to picking up DD when he gets off work early though, so he's getting a little more time with her, and then so do I.

C12H22O11 · November 2010

MarthaP18:
Oh, and then he gets annoyed when DS prefers me. Um.... what do you expect? I bathe him, feed him, dress him, play with him, etc. And you watch the NFL Network. Is it any wonder the kid wants ME?

THIS! Yes, DH, DS prefers me. But I'm the one who actually will play with him, read to him, give him a bath, feed him. DH's idea of spending time with DS consists watching football. Then, after 5 minutes, when DS gets figity, DH can't figure out what's wrong. Well, DH, maybe DS wants you to get your a$$ off the couch and interact with him.

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