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DH called me a hypocrite

hersheykisshersheykiss
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Can someone assist me please? Background:

My mom married when she was 21, got pregnant had me. My bio father was abusive & a drunk and beat me. Mom divorced me and retained full custody. A few years later, she met my stepdad, married him, he adopted me, I got a new birth certificate etc. He is my dad. The sperm donor is just that...or I call him Bio Father.

My dad was killed 6 years after they married, my mom stayed a widow until 2007 when she remarried. I call him by his first name (D) or to people who don't know him I say, "My mother's husband."

Apparently DH called me a hypocrite because I don't call my bio father "dad" or call D "father."

UMMM Sperm donor didn't earn that right and D didn't have any bearing on me while I was growing up. I actually didn't meet him until they were married, and I was 30. So how am I being hypocritical?!? Can someone help me out here?

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Re: DH called me a hypocrite

  • Jocelyn0415Jocelyn0415 member

    Um, neither of those men have been fathers to you. Your mom's 2nd husband was your father and he passed away.

    You don't need to justify that to anyone, IMO. 

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  • katypressonkatypresson
    I think you are right.  You should call whoever raised you you're dad/father/etc.  Sperm donor was technically your dad - but that doesn't mean he was a "father" to you.  I wouldn't call D your dad or father either - he is your mother's husband.  He didn't raise you and just b/c they're married doesn't mean he automatically earns the right to be your dad. 
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  • hersheykisshersheykiss
    imageJocelyn0415:

    Um, neither of those men have been fathers to you. Your mom's 2nd husband was your father and he passed away.

    You don't need to justify that to anyone, IMO. 

    Thanks, for some reason DH doesn't think this way. He won't tell me why either.

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  • hersheykisshersheykiss
    imageJocelyn0415:

    Um, neither of those men have been fathers to you. Your mom's 2nd husband was your father and he passed away.

    You don't need to justify that to anyone, IMO. 

    Thanks, for some reason DH doesn't think this way. He won't tell me why either.

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  • SoHopefulSoHopeful
    for lack of a better word, i think it would be just plain WEIRD for you to call some man your dad when you didn't even meet him until you were 30.
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  • FerreraRochermmmFerreraRochermmm
    I don't think you are being hypocritical at all.
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  • LilrdmandyLilrdmandy
    The man who raised you was your dad, doesn't matter if he is biologically related to you, related by marriage, etc.  He raised you and that alone gives him the right to be called dad.  Your DH is being pretty inconsiderate and you have every right to make him sleep on the couch until he apologizes. =)
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  • heatherlaneheatherlane member
    imageJocelyn0415:

    Um, neither of those men have been fathers to you. Your mom's 2nd husband was your father and he passed away.

    You don't need to justify that to anyone, IMO. 

    I agree with this. Just tell him to shut it, b/c you don't tell him who his daddy is.

    ::waits for TSD to show up and respond to OP:::

     

    Um, yeah. The Bump be too crazy for pics of my kid.
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  • GingerBabyJGingerBabyJ member
    Does your DH know what hypocrite means?
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  • hersheykisshersheykiss

    imageLilrdmandy:
    The man who raised you was your dad, doesn't matter if he is biologically related to you, related by marriage, etc.  He raised you and that alone gives him the right to be called dad.  Your DH is being pretty inconsiderate and you have every right to make him sleep on the couch until he apologizes. =)

    OOOOH! I am gonna tell him that! He hates sleeping on the couch because it isn't long enough.

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  • sarcole530sarcole530
    imageJocelyn0415:

    Um, neither of those men have been fathers to you. Your mom's 2nd husband was your father and he passed away.

    You don't need to justify that to anyone, IMO. 

    Yes

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  • mrs.larrymrs.larry member
    my mom remarried when I was 12. I love my stepdad, but I would never call him "dad".  I call him by his first name only.  how is that hypocritical?
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  • CalinsBrideCalinsBride

    What he is saying makes no sense. Your mother's new husband didn't raise you, so he's clearly not your father, and neither did your bio father. So. . .why would you give either of them a title they didn't earn?

    ETA: ESPECIALLY because the man who raised you actually ADOPTED you. He is legally your father as well. Your DH needs to rethink some things.

    Hey, do you think he feels threatened? Like, if something were to happen to him, your DD would call your new DH dad, and that would bug him? That's the only reason I can see why this would bother him.

     

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  • sevans1975sevans1975 member

    imageSoHopeful:
    for lack of a better word, i think it would be just plain WEIRD for you to call some man your dad when you didn't even meet him until you were 30.

    This.  It would be like if my dad remarried right now, when I am 35, and expecting me to call his wife "mom".  Simply would not happen no matter how much I like or do not like his wife.

     

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  • rianalsrianals member

    My mom and biological father (bio-fa) got divorced when I was tiny.  My mom and step-dad got married when I was six months old.  I have always called step-dad "Dad"...well, except when I was really young and called him "Daddy."  For years, I avoided calling bio-fa anything.  Now, I call him by his first name.  

    When I was 25, my mom and dad got divorced.  I still call him Dad.  I still call bio-fa by his first name.  I don't see that changing.  Ever. 

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  • EchowyspEchowysp member

    imageGingerBabyJ:
    Does your DH know what hypocrite means?

    This.

    And it's really not up to your dh to tell you who you should call Dad.

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