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2nd Trimester
Advice Please, How do i Get my guy to stop begging for sex?
Im 26 weeks today, and for the past 2-3 months I just havent' felt the need or had the desire to be intiment with my guy. This is the biggest thing we argue about,and it seems like we argue about it almost everyday. Even when i tell him "ok lets do it" he doesnt want to because I dont really want to do it, There is no way to win. He gets upset, he thinks i dont find him attractive, he thinks im rejecting him. He is trying to be understanding, and he always goes out of his way to make me happy, but i just cant keep forcing myself to have sex just so i can make him happy. We are intimated at least once a week but that to him isnt enough and i am just so lost at what to do.
Noah, 2/1/2011. born at 36.6 weeks
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Re: Advice Please, How do i Get my guy to stop begging for sex?
Ask him if its for emotional reasons or physical reasons that he needs it more than once a week. If its the ladder...tell him to find some lubricant and a computer. Im sorry but he sounds like an ass for not wanting to discuss it and behaving immaturely when he changes his mind because you "arent really into it"
Sounds like yall need a nice long talk :-)
Stop being such a brat about it. Men don't usually appreciate the "I'm pregnant so no sex for you" routine.
Being "intiment" shouldn't be such a job. But sounds like you're using the pregnancy card to just be lazy.
Don't complain when you find him with a porno or worse... someone else. It happens.
If you don't want to have sex, you can still make him happy. I don't think there's a man alive that has rejected pity head.
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If you don't feel up for sex, you don't feel up for sex.
Hand him a dirty magazine and explain the concept of masturbation to him.
My DH hasn't gotten any since July (doc's orders) and won't be getting any for some time to come. Somehow, he makes do.
ETA: And I'm impressed some of you have the gag reflex for oral assistance in this area. At the moment, I'm still gagging when I brush my teeth.
i feel ya girlfriend! I am in the same boat with my hubby....i am just NOT in the mood.
but he tries to be understanding, and it's more of a physical need than an emotional one because he knows that we are solid and that i love him & find him very attractive..it's just the hormones in my body that are making me tired and not interested in the motions of having sex.
we've compromised where every 2 days, we either have sex or oral sex. it's give and take, and if he goes out of his way to please you...then it's only fair that you try as well.
GOOD LUCK!
EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves
He isn't "trying to be more understanding" if he's acting like a pubescent 14-year-old, begging for sex and stamping his feet because you're not in the mood. I don't see anything understanding about that. You can't force yourself to have a higher sex drive. Have a calm talk - not a fight - about his expectations being too high. Tell him it has nothing to do with your attraction to him; it has to do with the fact that you're 6 months pregnant and lots of crazy things are happening to your body that you can't control.
Guys can be extremely sensitive when it comes to sex. You can make him feel wanted by initiating here and there, or do something else special for him - make his favorite meal or offer a massage.
This!! Theres no way I would be down for oral...
Someone else posted about every 2 days they compromise...thats quite often, even when I wasnt pregnant lol
I told mine to find a mistress until March.
But seriously - after I explained that him bugging my stresses me out, he has stopped completely. Somehow, the other day, he told me his hormones to "take care of his own business" have gone down too. Odd, but wonderful.
If you don't want it, you don't. Just make sure you're still giving him SOME lovin!
Really? That's great: Woman, just give the man sex so you can avoid a fight. How lovely.
She's his (pregnant) wife. Maybe he should at least on that level want to make her happy by not stressing her out begging and fighting for sex she's not in the mood for.
They are having some sex, and it sounds like it's as much as she can muster at the moment. In the meantime, he has a hand.
Use it.
Trust me, I am no "submissive" wife,but I enjoy pleasing my husband, if that doesn't make me a good woman in your view oh well, somehow I'll still sleep tonight. "some sex" is all relative to the relationship, I made sure to say it doesn't need to be an everyday thing or anything, so of course the OP needs to decide what she is comfortable with, I just know I'd hate to see my husband resorting to "begging for sex" unless he's begging in a good way that is
First of all, I wouldn't want to have sex with you either, if you are giving him the "::SIGH:: Fine, let's just get it over with routine". Ask him for some serious foreplay to try to get you in the mood.
I'm not in the mood a lot of the time either, but DH damn well sure knows how to get me there.
Ok, wait, what? So if she doesn't feel up for sex, and he takes that as an excuse to go bang the neighborhood floozy, she shouldn't complain because it was all her fault?
I dunno, man. We haven't had sex since my BFP. We both miss it, I'm sure, but there has been no complaining, no whining and no fighting. Hmm, maybe it is because my husband's banging the neighborhood floozy...
BBHME, your neighborhood floozy is that slutty lobster that lives in the cove.
Personally, I'm all about the sex right now. But I feel up to it. If you still feel crappy, maybe there are other ways you could help him out?
Before I got pregnant I was the one with the high sex drive in the relationship. I wanted it every day. I slowly realized that stress was what was making DH not want it and that when I wasn't pushing him as much he wanted it more.
That being said. Now that I am pregnant I am not in the mood nearly as much. I am lucky to be in the mood once a week. There are even times I don't like how sex feels. I don't like feeling pressure on my cervix and the feeling of sex almost brings me to "ok stop" while we are having sex. I feel terrible. I know exactly how it felt to be the one wanting it and not being able to get it.
Knowing things from both sides I am much more likely to tell DH that I am willing to give it a try. I told him already that I can't make promises but I don't want to push him away the way I was before I got pregnant and upset him either.
In the end it is much more worth it to me to make my husband happy and we have agreed that if I am not just not in the mood but completely turned off that we will try again some other time. There needs to be equal understanding from both sides otherwise one will want it more and the other one will get so much pressure they don't want it at all.
I say sit your husband down and talk to him when he is not in the mood (and neither are you) and just have a conversation about how you are feeling and about how he is feeling and come to an agreement on things.
Telling him to "suck it up" "use his hands" "find a mistress" etc are not going to solve the problem they are only going to make him feel rejected more and want you more. In the end the only way to get him to slow down is to give him *you* more often. That is after all what he wants.
If the problem still persists and you can not come to an agreement on what to do talk to your doctor about it. If your OB/GYN does not have advice they will refer you to someone who does.
I agree completely. I have never told my husband no. If I am physically too uncomfortable for traditional sex, I will give him oral sex, or I will use my hand.
OK taking it too far here, I definitely don't mean all the time every time, but if it's to the point of infrequency where my husband and I are fighting daily about sex and he's begging for it daily then I know he needs some attention. There's a big difference between anytime he wants, and fighting everyday over it.
Never??? Really??? Wow, I can't imagine that. I'm all about pleasing my husband, but, NEVER? You've never even used the "I have a headache line? Really?
Before I got pregnant I hadn't either. But that was because I was never not in the mood lol!
How is it that big of a deal for your husband to rub your back? You can't reach your back to take care of it yourself.
I don't see those two as related in the slightest.
And in terms of never telling your husband no...wow. I'm sorry, but wow. You are allowed to not be in the mood, and that includes not wanting to give a blow job or a hand job sometimes. He'll live. And I would hope your marriage is strong enough to survive you declining sex now and again.
I totally agree ambrandau but in the same aspect I also don't think it is that big of a deal to give it to him every once in a while even if you aren't in the mood. Kinda like surprising him by mowing the lawn (I realize that is in no relation to sex but I hate mowing the lawn so it was the best example I could give :-P). It is just a nice thing to do and just to see how happy I may have made him is an awesome reward for doing something I might not have wanted to do in the first place. Keep in mind this doesn't mean I do it every time. I think that common ground can be met to make both happy at least half of the time.
I'm not talking rub, I'm talking full out massage. My back tightened up like crazy with my last pregnancy. I had a professional massage in the spring and the masseuse was afraid she was hurting me because she was using all her strength and I could barely even feel it on my lower back. It takes a lot of pressure and really did hurt DH's arms to do it every night.
Now, I am not saying say yes EVERY time he asks. I tell DH no all the time. As a matter of fact, I turned him down this afternoon. I just meant that if it's getting to be this big of an issue, you gotta give a little, even if you're not in the mood. I'm generally only in the mood and actually have the energy for sex every other week. In between, if DH asks, I'll usually give in once a week or so. Don't associate the never say no with me!
I'm also allowed to be a person that actually really enjoys sex with my husband and has no reason to say no. I love it, even if it's a blow job or a hand job. I don't see it as a chore or something to get over with. My marriage is plenty strong, thanks for inquiring! How is yours?
Bwahaha, oh please!
Mine is built on mutual agreement neither of us wants me puking on his penis due to m/s just because he's horny.
Big difference between a "chore" and "I'm going to blow chunks, so can we skip it today?"
But thanks for the laugh. Wow.
No, I enjoy sex. I'm very attracted to my husband and pretty much always up for it. I find it so pleasurable that I would have to be really sick or something in order to turn it down. We've only been together two and a half years, and that hasn't happened yet. I'm in my sexual prime, haha! (I'm 31)
Jeebus, this post got weird. I really thought the "you better say yes when your husband wants to have sex or else" mantra was outdated and that BOTH man and woman can initiate and/or deny sex as they please. I am really, really surprised at how many people suggested OP should "just do it." Like, baffled.
Everyone likes sex and everyone likes making their partner happy. OP was pretty clear in stating that she is NOT happy with the current arrangement, nor is her H. Why is that not okay when she's 6 months pregnant? Why should she just take it every time he wants it? I kinda think that's sick and creates a very unhealthy sexual relationship. I said it in my initial response...I think her H is acting like a whiny 14-year-old and needs to be more respectful of the mother of his child and how she's feeling. Once a week is not going to deprive the man. Sheesh.