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Can you tell me if I am in the wrong on this one...(long)

Baby428Baby428 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

DD's birthday was yesterday.  On Saturday we had a huge party for her and it was tons of fun.  Anyway, my DH and I live about 2 hours away from where all of our friends and family live.  The only time our family gets to see DD is if we are in town and even then we normally have a birthday party, shower or wedding to go to.  My MIL wanted us to stop by her house on the way back home.  Right as I was leaving my parents house, DD fell asleep in her car seat.  It was getting kind of late (7pm) and I didn't really want to wake her up just for like a half hour to hang out with MIL and SIL.  I also want to add that DD is terrified to be in the car when it is dark out.  She always cries when driving in the dark.  So my mindset is...DD is asleep and would probably stay sleep the entire ride home.  No screaming and I wouldn't be pulling my hair out listening to her cry for two hours. 

So I told DH that I am picking him up from his MIL and we are leaving.  He, of course, put up a fight and made me look like the bad guy.  His SIL was complaining that she drove all the way over (prob 10 minute drive) just to see DD on her birthday.  Might I add that my SIL did not help at all with DD's party and very well could have seen DD both Friday and Saturday night but chose to hang out with her boyfriend instead. 

 On Facebook MIL writes me saying:  I did have everything ready so you could have ate and ran but who knows if Holly (DD) would have went back to sleep. Did she sleep the whole way home? Was she up then for a while at home? I just felt bad for Angie (SIL) since she really wanted to see her on her birthday.

AND she posted a picture of a cookie cake that she bought just for that night with the price tag still attached. Total slap in my face!

I feel like such an ass now.  I really wanted to do what was best for my DD and didn't know they were going to go all out.  We already celebrated DD's birthday, so I was just thinking they wanted to give her a birthday hug or something. 

My SIL is just annoying because she is always busy going out to the bars or hanging out with her friends, but since it was conveinent for her to see DD then she gets mad when I can't make it happen. 

Sorry so long...just had to get it out!

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Re: Can you tell me if I am in the wrong on this one...(long)

  • HappyNuttingHappyNutting
    If my DD was sleeping already, I would have done the same thing.  You do not want a grumpy baby in the car.  I also think I would have a chat with DH about not making me look like the bad guy for trying to do what's best for DD...even if he disagreed with your decision he could have supported you in front of his family and talked about it with you later.
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  • Geek_GirlGeek_Girl member

    Honestly, it sounds like your MIL gets where you were coming from based on her message.  She probably just wanted you to see the cookie cake that they got, for no other reason than so you could see it.  The price tag thing.... Eh, some people forget in their excitement to take them off.

    It sounds like your DH and SIL don't really understand your DD's needs.

    FWIW, I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes.

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  • rosiemommarosiemomma member
    Sorry, sounds like they aren't very understanding people, I wouldn't worry it will blow over. I made my dd 1st party about 2 hours long, at this age I would worry about others worry about your baby That is what matters and makes you a good momma that you know what is best for your daughter... (I am an a$$ and prolly replied to that with something like "Sorry I worry more about my child than you, next time I will be sure to put others feeling before my own daughters.) 

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  • Aprilynn0206Aprilynn0206
    Life is too short to try to control it all the time. I completely understand your reasoning but I would have made it a point to see them. If it were my family and not DHs who missed out on seeing DD they would have been very very very very very upset.I mean what if the families were swapped and your DH tried to tell you that he wasn't letting your family see your DD? I would be sure to include them in your plans from now on and stick to it.
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  • mavilabride4evahmavilabride4evah

    I wouldn't sweat it.  I don't know if your SIL has any children but maybe she doesn't know what it's like to be driving long distance with a kid that wants nothing to do with a car.  It is stressful for everyone.  I would have done the same thing that you did which was to leave immediately while she was asleep.

    Maybe you and DH can plan a weekend just to hang out with them?

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  • justme04justme04 member

    We also live 2 hours away from family and friends.  And most of the time I end up going home alone (as DH is in Grad School) to visit.  I don't always make it up to see my MIL and BIL.  Hell, I don't even make it over to see my Grandparents as much as I wish I could.

    My MIL always seems to understand though.  My BIL doesnt really care for small children so its not suprising when he maybe walks in waves at DS and leaves. 

    Your SIL however reminds me of my sister who only cares about whats convienant for them. 

     Did they attend your daughthers birthday party?

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  • JLGYJLGY member
    I can totally understand why you didn't want to wake her up, and you didn't know about the cake, etc.... but I probably would have gone in for a bit of a visit considering it was her birthday and they live 2 hours away. My DD is good at going back to sleep though if it's late so that wouldn't have been an issue for her.
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  • Baby428Baby428 member

    Thank you all for reading this and giving me some insight! :)  Just for the record, DD is the world's worst sleeper, so there is no way she would have been able to go back to sleep in the car after being woken up for a half hour or so to play.  She definitely would have screamed the whole ride home Tongue Tied

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  • LeahBeah1212LeahBeah1212
    I would have done the same thing.  Why chance her screaming the whole way home?  Sorry, but it was getting late and she was tired.  If you would have woken her up she would probably have been crabby anyway!
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  • Baby428Baby428 member
    imagejustme04:

    We also live 2 hours away from family and friends.  And most of the time I end up going home alone (as DH is in Grad School) to visit.  I don't always make it up to see my MIL and BIL.  Hell, I don't even make it over to see my Grandparents as much as I wish I could.

    My MIL always seems to understand though.  My BIL doesnt really care for small children so its not suprising when he maybe walks in waves at DS and leaves. 

    Your SIL however reminds me of my sister who only cares about whats convienant for them. 

     Did they attend your daughthers birthday party?

    Yep, and my MIL babysat DD practically the entire weekend.  SIL could have stopped by her mothers to see DD, but was busy with other plans. Then the one night she can see DD - is the night that DD is exhausted and just went to sleep!

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  • Baby428Baby428 member

    imageJLGY:
    I can totally understand why you didn't want to wake her up, and you didn't know about the cake, etc.... but I probably would have gone in for a bit of a visit considering it was her birthday and they live 2 hours away. My DD is good at going back to sleep though if it's late so that wouldn't have been an issue for her.

    Yeah, not so much my DD!  She is terrible at sleeping.  Otherwise I would have had no problem waking her up. 

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  • SailorGraySailorGray member

    imageAprilynn0206:
    Life is too short to try to control it all the time. I completely understand your reasoning but I would have made it a point to see them. If it were my family and not DHs who missed out on seeing DD they would have been very very very very very upset.I mean what if the families were swapped and your DH tried to tell you that he wasn't letting your family see your DD? I would be sure to include them in your plans from now on and stick to it.

    Ditto! I would have gone to the IL.

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  • JLGYJLGY member
    imageMissy42807:
    imagejustme04:

    We also live 2 hours away from family and friends.  And most of the time I end up going home alone (as DH is in Grad School) to visit.  I don't always make it up to see my MIL and BIL.  Hell, I don't even make it over to see my Grandparents as much as I wish I could.

    My MIL always seems to understand though.  My BIL doesnt really care for small children so its not suprising when he maybe walks in waves at DS and leaves. 

    Your SIL however reminds me of my sister who only cares about whats convienant for them. 

     Did they attend your daughthers birthday party?

    Yep, and my MIL babysat DD practically the entire weekend.  SIL could have stopped by her mothers to see DD, but was busy with other plans. Then the one night she can see DD - is the night that DD is exhausted and just went to sleep!

    This makes a difference. If they already saw her a ton anyways (in MIL's case) I probably wouldn't have bothered to wake her up either.     :) 

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  • Jen748Jen748 member

    imageMalloryRae:
    I would have done the same thing.  Whether it was my family or DH's.  And especially if they had other chances through the weekend to see her, I wouldn't have woken her up either.

    This! DD is usually in bed by 7pm and is a horrible car rider so I wouldn't have woken her up either. For my family or his. And actually my family wouldn't have wanted us to wake her up...they would have said, go home don't wake her up to see me. That's silly. Who wakes a baby?

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