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Adoption
How realistic is Foster to Adopt for a child under 3?
My husband and I decided that adoption was the best route for us (he had a vasectomy during his first marriage and I have fertility issues). However, after doing more and more research I just don't think we will ever have the amount of money that is needed for a domestic adoption of a baby. We make decent money, but can't seem to build up the type of savings that would be needed to pay $15,000 or more....
A friend suggested doing foster to adopt. But from what I know, most kids that need foster homes are not available for adoption and most are older kids. I already have two stepsons that are 13 and 11 - I really want the chance to be "mommy" to a child and raise them from a small age.
Is it realistic to hope for a child under the age of 3 that would be available for adoption after fostering for a while?
Amongst the research, I'm grieving a little bit for the chance that I may never have.... it's tough stuff.....
Thanks to all.
Experienced infertility during first marriage, diagnosed with PCOS in 2008.
Married my amazing husband May 22, 2010
Became Step-Mom to 2 boys.
Husband had vasectomy in 2004 during first marriage.
Adoption Is Our Path!
Application sent March 29, 2011 First Meeting with CW: April 25, 2011 Final Visit and home visit: August 16, 2011
September, 2011 - told we are ready to be considered by birth parents. Officially WAITING!
Spring of 2012, we start to work with a Consultant and apply with a few agencies around the US
June 2012 - we are MATCHED
July 25, 2012 - Our SON was born in Arizona
August 8th, 2012 - we flew home with our baby
Awaiting Finalization
My Blog
Married my amazing husband May 22, 2010
Became Step-Mom to 2 boys.
Husband had vasectomy in 2004 during first marriage.
Adoption Is Our Path!
Application sent March 29, 2011 First Meeting with CW: April 25, 2011 Final Visit and home visit: August 16, 2011
September, 2011 - told we are ready to be considered by birth parents. Officially WAITING!
Spring of 2012, we start to work with a Consultant and apply with a few agencies around the US
June 2012 - we are MATCHED
July 25, 2012 - Our SON was born in Arizona
August 8th, 2012 - we flew home with our baby
Awaiting Finalization
My Blog
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How realistic is Foster to Adopt for a child under 3?
Very realistic. In fact there are several mamas here who received their placements as newborns. They weren't available to adopt immediately, but if you can be in it for the long haul and realize that every child that enters your home may not be your forever child, then you could very easily end up with a child under 3, possibly even an infant.
It helps to be open to race, and not have your heart set on CC. (In my state, you can't even request a CC child under the age of 3 if you're planning on fostering to adopt.)
We are open to race... I'm assuming CC means Caucasion? We don't have our heart set on that, so I guess that's a good start :-)
It's just such a scary, emotional ride.... thanks for the encouraging info!
Married my amazing husband May 22, 2010
Became Step-Mom to 2 boys.
Husband had vasectomy in 2004 during first marriage.
Adoption Is Our Path!
Application sent March 29, 2011 First Meeting with CW: April 25, 2011 Final Visit and home visit: August 16, 2011
September, 2011 - told we are ready to be considered by birth parents. Officially WAITING!
Spring of 2012, we start to work with a Consultant and apply with a few agencies around the US
June 2012 - we are MATCHED
July 25, 2012 - Our SON was born in Arizona
August 8th, 2012 - we flew home with our baby
Awaiting Finalization
My Blog
I have some friends that used to foster children. About 4 years ago they got a little girl who had been shaken by her mom. She was only 4 months old. They ended up adopting her around the time she was 2. Then, the little girsl mom had another baby and it was taken at birth. They also took her in and now have adopted her. Meanwhile, they took in a 2 month old boy, and also ended up being able to adopt him! So they have a 4 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old!
I don't know how common this is, maybe they just got really lucky. But I hope it gives you hope!
Also, when the children come in the social worker can usually give you a heads up on how the case looks and if it is serious enough to maybe end up to adoption. I know they took the oldest (girl and the boy) to see their birth parents in visitation weekly at Social Services, but the parents still had their rights taken away.
Anyway! Sorry so long. There are a lot of factors and it might be a long ride, but in the end you have done something great for a child.
Good Luck!
I agree, but with theirs the child had been shaken by dad and mom let it happen. They knew it would just be time. It really does depend, but sometimes they are already in process of taking rights.
It is always case by case, day by day. But from them I know a lot of times they were told ahead of time if it was going to more than likely be temporary.
Good Luck! I hope the best for you and your family!
Be prepared for some heartache during this process. We have been a legal risk home for a year now and have had nine children in our home. We are allowed to specify ages that we want and like you I want to parent a child from infant or toddler age. The caseworkers don't know what is going to happen. The first placements we had were a sibling group of three who they had moved for termination. They were with us for six months and in that time the caseworker kept saying that termination would happen. Two months before final hearing the bio mom completed her plan of service and judge had no choice but to send them home. We were heartbroken.
It will take time and if you are prepared to let some of them go your forever baby will be found. Good luck to you guys!
If you're willing to take a risk, then yes it's realistic. You may have a few children in your home before you get the one you'd adopt, but sometimes its worth it.
And I completely disagree with a PP who said the caseworker can give you a heads up. It literally changes on a daily basis. They never really know until the final day. All the children that were placed with us prior to our boys - the caseworkers waivered back and forth on going home, going to relatives, being terminated, oh back to relatives. All parents are given 12 months to complete their plan of service and until that final court hearing you seriously never know what is going to happen.
Still, though, that's a relatively small percentage of the young children who are in foster care. The majority of infants and toddlers in FC whose bioparents' rights are terminated, are adopted by their foster families (whether relatives or non-relatives). Most states are moving toward placing young children in dually licensed foster/adoptive homes from the start, to minimize the number of moves if the case does move toward termination. Cases like yours -- when a young child's current foster family chooses not to adopt and the child is moved to another home for adoption purposes -- do occur, but they're pretty rare, generally speaking.
OP, if you're okay with legal risk and are willing to accept foster placements not knowing what the future holds, I think it's reasonably realistic. If you're not comfortable with legal risk, it's generally pretty unrealistic and you may end up waiting a very long time for a placement.
One option you may want to consider is a sibling group. It is often hard to place a sibling group of children with different ages.
Also, keep an open mind when it comes to age. My husband and I initially told our case worker that we were open to adopting one child under the age of 4 but, ended up with a sibling group of a a 4 y/o and 5 y/o. I'm so happy that our caseworker still presented our kids to us because we couldn't love them more. As an additional note, our kids were already TPR'd before they were presented to us.
Don't worry....you will definitely feel like a mommy even if the child is a little bit older than 3.
Good luck
Yes. I think it IS realistic. But...maybe not your first, second or third placements....
THIS. Exactly. It helps *ALOT* to open up to all races.
I know in our area, there are more AA foster kiddos than CC. It's a sad reality. Unfortunatly, with those foster placements, more of them stay in the system longer because there aren't as many homes to adopt them.
With that said...what goes along with that is the fact that they require more out of those foster placements (which is why the last AA placement was moved from our home) that sometimes those parents aren't able to provide.
I will have to agree with Fred and all the other posters on this. Caseworkers have no idea what placements will look like. We were guaranteed the last placement would be no more than 6 weeks...and 8 months later they were still with us with the future looking like TPR.
All the above posters said it nicer than I could, that you have to be okay with the risk, because you just don't know. It's a hard risk. You'd think it would be easy, but we're learning with this last placement we had that it's harder than we ever imagined it would be.