Ladies with multiple m/c COME IN!

MrsRumpf · November 2010

I know this is a difficult topic, but now that I'm going through my second m/c since July, I feel I need some advice.

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c?

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on?

DId you ever consider leaving your job?

Did your family or employer know?

((MANY HUGS TO ALL OF US))

Ginger71 · November 2010

MrsRumpf:

I know this is a difficult topic, but now that I'm going through my second m/c since July, I feel I need some advice.

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c? Not very well. I was really bitter and I could not stand to be around pg women. I don't think I felt much better until I started Prozac over a yr. later.

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on? Prozac and therapy. I also read a book recommended by MIL that helped me work through things early on since I had no one to really share with: "About What Was Lost" It's a collection of stories about m/c by various authors.

DId you ever consider leaving your job? No

Did your family or employer know?

((MANY HUGS TO ALL OF US))

Sorry you have to go through this...it sucks. We do so much to get pg and we think we are safe....then it is taken away so swiftly.

katerena · November 2010

I'm so sorry sweetie, how awful.

How did I deal? Well, it was just before Christmas holidays and I basically sat on the couch for 2 weeks and drank. Not very healthy probably, but I really shut down. I found the d&c process to be very healing though, it was such final closure.

We took a loooong break from TTC, like a full year. It's just now that I'm considering another IVF.

I never considered leaving my job.

My family and employer did know, both were super supportive.

Hugs to you, you are strong enough to make it through this, but I'm so sorry that you have to.

chizzle09 · November 2010

MrsRumpf:

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c? I have had 2 chemicals and 1 BO. I had my BO second and that was the worst. I was at my 8 week u/s when I found out (and my husband was in Australia for work so I was all alone). The best word I can describe how I felt was: numb. I still try to not think about it too much-not healthy, I know, but I get really depressed when I start thinking about everything I've gone through. One of my friends is going through IF treatments and we talk a lot, which helps. I still have a very hard time being around pregnant women and it only gets worse as time passes and I'm not pregnant.

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on? My DH told me and keeps telling me that the end result will be more than worth it. Someday I will have a baby (hopefully sooner than later) and he keeps telling me that when I see our baby for the first time that everything we've gone through will be worth it. What keeps me going is thinking of DH holding our future baby in his arms for the first time. I know he's going to be an awesome dad so I'm doing this for him.

DId you ever consider leaving your job? No. Fortunately for me I don't have to work with a lot of pregnant women. If I did that would be really really hard. The sight of a pregnant woman these days makes me jealous and bitter so I'm glad I don't have any at work right now (fingers crossed).

Did your family or employer know? My family knows and a couple of my co-workers know.

I'm sorry you're going through this. To get so close and then to have it taken away. IF sucks. Just think that some way, someday, you WILL have a baby and when you hold that baby in your arms it will be totally worth it. At least that's what I tell myself.

beantownbride25 · November 2010

First off (HUGE HUGS)

M/C are so hard. To combine the pain of a m/c and IF is almost unbearable. I also had an ectopic and know the rollercoaster of emotions that come along with that as well. To answer your questions...

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c?

I've had three losses they each took a varied amount of time to get out of that black cloud feeling. The first was I can't believe this is happening to ME. The second was how can this possibly be happening again and the third was the hardest. It took me a long time to get over this last loss. It's just taken time. I still have my bad days.

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on?

The one thing that helps me go on is my belief that the only thing that will truly "heal" me emotionally is to get pregnant and actually have a healthy baby. But to be honest I am TERRIFIED if getting pregnant again.

DId you ever consider leaving your job?

No. I really like my job and when I'm at work, most of the time my mind is off IF and not thinking about my losses.

Did your family or employer know?

My employer knew about my ectopic since I was in the ER and left work in massive pain. They do not know about my other 2 losses. My parents know everything. My IL know about the ectopic and not the other two losses.

(((HUGS)))

611bride05 · November 2010

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I have had more losses than I care to count, and it never gets easier. Honestly I am not sure what DH and I do if anything to help ourselves through the grief. We tried to be kind to each other but the only thing that ever REALLY helped was being able to try again.

Sometimes I shared our losses with my family and closest friends, but most of the time we told them after the fact. Usually as we were going through it i just couldn't deal with telling people and acknowledging that it was happening to us, again.

I read 2 books that were decent- Coping with Infertility by Alice Domar and Empty womb aching heart (cant remember who wrote it).
This past cycle was our first IVF cycle and we did CGH also to see if this will help- time will tell..

Best of luck to you!

07may07 · November 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is unfair. I wish I could say something to make it all better.

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c? I gave myself a few weeks to feel any and every emotion that I was feeling. I sat on the couch, cried, told DH it was unfair. Those first few weeks after my m/cs were so hard. I definitely avoided friends or situations which could make it hard for me. This is definitely a time to do what is best for you.

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on? The only good thing to come from the m/cs is that it brough DH and I closer. He has been my rock. I feel like we lean on each other. It still hurts, everyday. But, I know that DH understands my pain and I understand his pain. He is always there for me when I need to talk. Poor guy has heard "I'm so sad. It's just not fair." often in the past 3 years.

DId you ever consider leaving your job? No.

Did your family or employer know? Yes. Both know and are incredibly supportive. I can't say enough how much their support means. I work at a small office and we are all very close.

I am so so sorry you are going through this. Any time you want to talk/vent or anything, PM me.

Sending you big ((hugs)) and lots of thoughts.

chizzle09 · November 2010

611bride05:

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I have had more losses than I care to count, and it never gets easier. Honestly I am not sure what DH and I do if anything to help ourselves through the grief. We tried to be kind to each other but the only thing that ever REALLY helped was being able to try again.

How horrible! What is your diagnosis? I am sorry for all of your losses.

611bride05 · November 2010

chizzle09:
611bride05:

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I have had more losses than I care to count, and it never gets easier. Honestly I am not sure what DH and I do if anything to help ourselves through the grief. We tried to be kind to each other but the only thing that ever REALLY helped was being able to try again.

How horrible! What is your diagnosis? I am sorry for all of your losses.

Thanks Unexplained pretty much- all my hormone levels are great, DH is completely fine. We can get pregnant on our own but it doesn't last. I do have elevated NK cells which are being treated with Prednisone and intralipids. Other than that my RE thinks that for whatever reason the abnormal embryos were the ones to implant- so we moved on to IVF with CGH testing this cycle and we will what happens. 50% of my embryos that made it to testing were normal and we transfered 2.

Married071709 · November 2010

I don't have advice but just wanted to give you a ((((((huge hug)))))))

kekis · November 2010

I so wish you didn't have to go through this. m/c is something I wouldn't wish on ANYone. I think loss after IF is unusually cruel, and it sucks. Knowing that you are reaching out is a huge step, though, so be sure to give yourself credit where it is due.

How did you deal with the emotions from your m/c? I honestly don't know. Hell, sometimes I wonder if I ever have. It's something you don't ever get over, but you do get through it. I don't want my losses to define who I am, but it is definitely always a part of me. I guess I'm just a different me now (not that I like it, but here I am). I finally decided that my marriage and my life were too important to me to let myself die from the grief and pain. You're more than welcome to read my blog of the past few years if you like (email me). It might give you some insight & let you know you aren't alone.

I mean, what did you do to help you and SO go on? Drinking, therapy (which failed miserably for me), medication (which I've been on for years), blogging, crying more than I could ever imagine, reading books/blogs/forums/whatever

DId you ever consider leaving your job? Never an option for financial reasons. I also am a very social creature, so holing up at home by myself made things much worse than they already were & created panic attacks for me even leaving the bedroom. Being a teacher makes it even worse IMO because EVERYone thinks that your business is their business because of the atmosphere in which we teach. Not to mention that you so desperately want your own child & spend your life teaching the children of others.

Did your family or employer know? Both knew about the first loss, and my boss and a few select teachers knew about the second loss (although I'm sure many wondered because my 2nd m/c began on the first day teachers went back to school after summer). For my own sanity, many people know about our struggles. Plus, the evil side of me enjoys the shock factor of stunning nosy people with my forked-tongue words when they won't stfu about babies.

I'm here for you if you need to talk. I know what you're going through is awful and totally unfair. You'll get through this, sweetie. I PROMISE that you will. It's just going to suck along the way for a while.

MrsRumpf · November 2010

Thanks ladies.

You words are very helpful.

DH and I are trying our best and as you know it's unbelievably hard.

Now, to just get through teacher conferences Thursday . . . . BAH!

"You kid doesn't do his homework-- MINE WOULD!!!!"

KDR1979 · November 2010

I don't know if I've really dealt with the August m/c yet. I've been eating like crazy and not exercising. I know I need to get moving....but I just can't find the motivation.

I always consider leaving my job. I was so frustrated last week that I would have quit, EXCEPT that we are OOP for IF.

My family and colleagues were quiet, but supportive. My DH's mom told me, "Well, since you carried this pregnancy further than the last, maybe next time your body will know what to do." THANKS for that....

We start OCP's for another cycle next month, so that helps me some. But, I'm so scared and nervous that I can't even get that excited about that either.

too_much · November 2010

So sorry that you are going through this.

After each one I allowed myself to be down for a day or two to cry, yell, scream, and ask why then I moved on to mapping out the next step. Game planning has been the best remedy for us.

There isn't much that would cause me to leave my job and IF/mc certainly isn't one of them. I had a rough childhood which has been a huge help during the trials and tribulations of IF. I've developed a somewhat scary ability to move on from painful situations quickly. This may or may not be a good trait. I'm worried that one day it might all come pouring out.

Only 4 people in my family know about it (MIL, SIL and my two aunts) and my employers don't know.

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