TTC After a Loss

Please tell me if I'm crazy

My DH and I said good-bye to our DD Emily on October 18. She was born still at 20 weeks because of triploidy. We are certainly grieving and getting help(bereavement group, counseling) and I know that this is not something that you ever get over. That being said, I have such a strong urge to try again after first AF(doc said o.k.) which technically should be coming in the next 2 weeks.  It's not as though I think that I can "re-do" anything or replace my Emily- I really feel very clear minded about this. Does this sound crazy or way too soon? As sure as I feel about this, the last thing I want to do is make a "bad decision" right now. TIA for any thoughts or insight :)
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Re: Please tell me if I'm crazy

  • Doesn't sound crazy to me at all!  I think you're ready for a baby and although you will still be grieving Emily, you can also move forward with creating the rest of your family. 

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  • Im so sorry for your loss. I don;t think it's too soon to try again. I was extremely depressed about my loss (and still am), but at the same time I wanted AF to show up so we could start trying.

    Some people are afraid to start trying again, but others arent. Everyone has different feelings and handle their losses differently.

    GL to you! ((hugs))

    Married 5/15/10. Me (29). DH (33). BFP#1 7/25/10 - Missed m/c 8wks - D&E 8/25/10 BFP#2 12/25/10 - Missed m/c 7wks - D&E 1/20/11 (second loss due to abnormal chromosome 7) Genetics testings- Normal. RPL panel results- Normal. Elevated FSH (14). DH b/w normal. SA- Normal. HSG- Left tube possibly blocked. Minor septum removed. My Ovulation Chart ~~ Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success. For who so strongly hopes has within him the gift of miracles ~~ image
  • I am so sorry for your loss.  No, you don't sound crazy, I had the same thought too.  However, doc advised waiting 2 regular cycles before TTC so it wasn't something I would have considered (no way was I going to go against doc orders).  I can say that when first AF arrived, I quickly realized that I wasn't in a place where I could even consider TTC.  I was very emotional, so I decided to take the time to get back into shape, get stuff done that I couldn't while pg (dentist, flu shot, etc.).  DH & I agreed to talk about TTC once the 2 cycles passed and evaluate if we felt ready or not.  It's been 4 cycles now and we this month will be our first TTC cycle.  Best of luck whatever you decide!

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I dont think you're crazy. I'm in the same boat as you are. I loss my pregnancy on Oct. 29, and I really want to try again very soon. I dont think that you are trying to replace your little Emily, I just think that you really want to be a mother, and you will not stop until you have your baby in your arms. We all feel like that.

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. And no, I don't think you are crazy. As long as you and DH are emotionally ready to try again, and that you two have taken the time you need to grieve your precious Emily. There will always be a part of you and DH that will grieve for your LO, but there is a different type of grieving, I feel, that occurs immediately following a miscarriage/pregnancy loss. Good luck trying on your next cycle!

    PS: Where abouts are you from on LI? DH and I are originally from Suffolk County. We moved to PA about 5 years ago. PA is definitely NOT the same as LI, and we miss it very much. 

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  • imageLuv4Minnesota:

    Doesn't sound crazy to me at all!  I think you're ready for a baby and although you will still be grieving Emily, you can also move forward with creating the rest of your family. 

    Exactly this!!  I am so sorry for your loss

    BFP #1 04/05/10 EDD 12/11/10 Missed M/C 7w found out at 12w5d You're so missed LO BFP #2 11/27/10 EDD 08/07/11.. Diagnosed with IC 03/17/11 Cerclage put in place 03/21/11 Madilynn Mae born 7/26/11
  • Originally South shore of Massapequa and moved to Farmingdale a year ago when we got married. My mom thought about moving to PA and my sister and I went with her to visit. It was definately not the same- she couldn't leave LI. :)
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  • I don't think you sound crazy, but I do think you need to allow yourself enough time to grieve though. I know you said you went to counseling and all, but seriously one month just doesn't seem like enough time to me. I lost my baby before I even saw a heartbeat and I still needed time to get myself back to a healthy emotional place.

    Truth be told, everyone is different and if you feel inclined to then you will and should.

    BFP 3/28/2010 D & C 5/4/2010 blighted ovum <a href="http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j2/jmelahn/?action=view
  • I don't think it's crazy. Nothing will replace your daughter, but having another child can be healing, and if you feel ready and your doctor says it's okay, go for it.
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  • I'm sorry for your loss.  I dont think you sound crazy at all.  I was kind of in the same boat as you.  I felt guilty about it at first because I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to replace my little girl, but at the same time, I felt like being pregnant again was the only way to give me something to look forward to.  Due to my cycles being all out of whack and taking forever to come, this is our first cycle TTC since our loss, but I dont think you're crazy at all.  Good luck.
    TTC Since 2/09... BFP 12/26/09 - Missed miscarriage (6 weeks), D&C 1/28/10, BFP 4/23/10 - Miscarriage (18 wks 4 days) due to Turner's Syndrome, Delivered Lyla Ann on 7/29/10, BFP 12/10/10 - Natural miscarriage (5 weeks 6 days) 12/23/10, BFP 2/2/11 - EDD: 10/15/11 - Stick baby stick!!
  • imagemgduke19:
    Originally South shore of Massapequa and moved to Farmingdale a year ago when we got married. My mom thought about moving to PA and my sister and I went with her to visit. It was definately not the same- she couldn't leave LI. :)

    I grew up in West Islip (also south shore), moved to Islip my 9th grade year, and then finish High School in Rocky Point (north shore, by Port Jefferson). We miss LI, and tried to move back 2 years ago, but after being here for then, 3 years, it was too much to move back. It's very expensive to live there, and for what we would pay for a house here is WAY less than what we would pay for a house there - and we'd have more house and property here.. We still get down to LI almost once a month. DH's BF lives there, and my entire family is still there. It's definitely a different world here, that's for sure! And I do miss it very much.

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  • It doesn't sound crazy to me at all! Actually it sounds just like me. We lost our little boy 2 months ago to triploidy as well. We found out his heart had stopped at 12 weeks. I can only imagine the pain you had to go through delivering your little girl. I have done some research on triploidy in the past few months, I didn't even know what it was before it happened to me. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or justnneed someone to listen! ((HUGS))
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I don't think you are crazy, you can't help the way you feel.

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  • So sorry for your loss. Doesn't make you sound crazy at all. When I lost my twins my dr told me I could try after one cycle. What keeps me going is how bad I want to be a mom and have a take home baby.

    Jenn

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  • imageitsmegin:
    I don't think it's crazy. Nothing will replace your daughter, but having another child can be healing, and if you feel ready and your doctor says it's okay, go for it.

    This. I am so very sorry you lost your little one! 

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  • Welcome to the board and I am so sorry for the loss of your Emily.  I don't think you are crazy at all.  It wasn't just your baby that died, but so did your dreams and hopes that she brought.  There is nothing wrong or crazy with you wanting to fulfill those dreams.

     

    We have a TTCAL blog if you would like to check it out when you have a chance.  The link is in the bottom of my siggy. 

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  • Not crazy at all.  I feel the same way.  My Ella was still born on 9.3.10.  We were ready to be parents as well and know we are not going to be replacing Ella, she will always be our first born and always in our hearts.  I am still waiting on my first PP AF and hoping it arrives soon- or a BFP.  My mom had me and my sister a year apart and never had AF between us so maybe it'll happen for me too!  My OB suggested waiting 2-3 cycles but when I asked if it happened sooner would that cause any problems she said no and that she understands.  If you ever want to talk, PM me.  We can be crazy together :)
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