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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
LittleMissParis
member
What do you say when people compare their pets to your child?
LittleMissParis
member
I'll start this off by saying that I had a dog for 13 years that I loved with every bit of my heart. I still miss her dearly and would give so much to have her back. She was 100% a part of our family and was treated like a little queen. That being said, I do not consider my old pet to be equal to DD.
A friend of ours (with no children) constantly compares his dog to DD and says that he's a dad, feels the same way about his dog as we do about DD (which obviously he can't know being that he has no children), etc. I realize that his argument is coming from a place of ignorance but I hate having this same conversation with him. Same with both SIL's. One has cats and one has dogs. Anytime I'm asked something about DD, they turn it around & talk about their pets. SIL refers to her dogs as "the boys". Neither have children either.
I try to not let it get to me b/c it's really not worth my time but I can't help but be insulted by their comments. I know pets are a part of the family but they are in no way equal to children, IMO.
Maybe I am being too sensitive. What are your views on this topic? What would you say?
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Re: What do you say when people compare their pets to your child?
I just think to myself that they are wackadoo and go about my day. My DH's SIL is the same way, no children but has three female cats and calls them "the girls." My BIL actually gets her something every year for Mother's Day, and she celebrates the day. It's just completely BSC if you ask me.
I have a cat whom I adore, so I am an animal lover. But I did not celebrate Mother's Day as the cat's mom before I had DS.
I have 2 friends who have done/do this. (One now has a child herself).
I don't find it insulting as much as annoying. They just don't know. But then again, I haven't owned a dog as an adult, so I really can't speak to what is fully entailed w/ owning a dog.
however, really, there may be similarities, but raising a child vs a dog is just not the same.
There isn't anything I would say, though. The one friend - it was her just trying to be able to take part in conversations that often would pretty much otehrwise exclude her. The other friend - she always has to be right and trying to 'argue' w/ her that it's not the same would have just been more trouble than it was worth.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't understand why it bothers you at all or is even an issue. I totally get why people with or without kids consider their pets comparable. I do, and I have two kids and a dog. I adore my dog, I sign her name on the Christmas card, etc. No, she's not my child, but I still have that unconditional love, responsibility, thinking about something other than myself first, etc that I have with my kids.
What's the issue? Just feeling superior because they don't have kids and therefore don't "get it"? Meh. I don't get caring whether people equate the two. What is "insulting" about what they are doing/saying?
It's kind of annoying, but they really just don't know or don't get it. I wouldn't let it bother you too much - if they ever have kids they'll understand!
My SIL doesn't have children and thinks her pets are her kids. It didn't bother me until one day, her dog ate her bird. When she said it was just like if DS found a gun and accidentally shot his little brother, I was horrified.
By no means do I feel superior. I don't think my post came across that way at all. I thought I made it clear that I find the comparison/thought of equality between the two insulting. Hope that clears some things up for you.
I agree.
But obviously we don't love our kids enough or we'd "get it."
I'm sorry but I actually laughed. In no way would those incidents be even remotely similar.
I'll just continue to ignore/let the comments roll off my back. I think it's just the constant comparison every time we are with these people that get to me. You're right though - they will 'get it' when they have children of their own.
I just want to add that you'll get no flames from me - I feel the same way. I love my dogs, but they are dogs!
I knew that there would be some folks that took offence to this post but I want to make this clear. In no way did I insinuate that people who have pets (and love them dearly) don't love their children enough. I'm not sure how you twisted my words to think this is what I was implying.
I ahve friends who do this a lot. I don't say anything because I know they just have no idea. I used to think my dogs were like my children, then I had a child. I honestly just have a little laugh in my head about it and know that if they ever have children, they'll be laughing too.
It doesn't actually. I still don't get what is "insulting" about comparing the two. How does it affect you and how you feel about your DD? I do find the whole "once they have kids they will 'get it'" line of thinking sort of superior sounding...like you've obviously got it all figured out how everyone should feel about kids and pets just because you have a kid. People feel differently--I honestly do not understand why that's insulting.
FYI - Posting and running
It sounds like you're not open to my point of view so I will not try to explain any further. I'm the first to admit that I don't "have it all figured out".
Proud mama to a boys- 6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12
Ditto!
I don't know. You love your kid. They love their pet. Different type of love? Yes, but who are we, as parents, to say that our love is more important because it's with a child and not a pet. Remember pets are all that some people have.
Go Phils!!
I don't get worked up about stuff like that...maybe that's because I still refer to my dog as my "baby". Just this past weekend, DH and I decided to stop cleaning and take the "kids" to the park--DD and the dog. I just hope DD doesn't require years of therapy because of this. The dog has definitely taken his position as "dog" since DD arrived, but he's still our "baby".
I hope I can explain this so that it comes across right. I strive very hard to not pull the "you don't get it" card IRL, because I do think it is very condescending when said from a parent to a non-parent.
But, when I share "experience A" about my son, and someone says "Oh, I know how you feel, my dog did ____." and it's actually really not the same - I kind of end up feeling shut down because I don't know how else to say "Well, that's not really the same" w/o it coming across as "you dont' get it". So I dont' say anything and the point of what I was trying to express actually gets lost.
It's a weird corner to be backed into.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Just like you didn't know how it was to have kids until you had kids, neither do they. So, when they chat about Fluffy or Fido when you mention your child, they do so because they *really feel connected to their pet. They aren't trying to say your child is dog-like or insult you. They *think that they feel parenting feelings with their pets.
I'd just listen to their stories and move on. Life's not a competition.
Us too! I never compared my dog to another's child. I did love my dog (and still do) but things are definitely different. My dog does not sleep on the bed anymore, and he is more "dog" than ever.
I have a few friends who do this now with DD and I just let it go. They are trying to share an experience, an expression of love, and this is the the only thing they can draw from.
I'm open to your point of view, I just don't understand what it is! Honestly, I'm not trying to be annoying or closeminded here, I just don't get why what they are doing is insulting. Is it the thinking that a dog = a child so that somehow diminishes your child's importance? Is it the thinking that taking care of a dog is as hard as taking care of a kid? What is the insulting part? It seems obvious to me that they are coming at it from a place of "hey, you have a kid that you love and are devoted to, I have a pet that I feel similarly about" seeking common ground. I really, truly do not get what about that insults you.
I don't get why some kind of ranking of how much you love a pet vs. a kid has to be done. It's not a competition.
I think it can become insulting at some point - I posted earlier that my SIL compared her dog eating her bird to my son finding a gun and accidentally shooting his brother. It is insulting and horrifying to me that she would even THINK to make that comparison.
Same with the pp who said someone's horse died and they compared it to losing a child.
Just talking about how it's annoying to get up with your puppy at night and how that's "just like having a newborn"... that's not insulting, but it does kind of make you nod and smile knowingly
Eh, I've often thought that DS resembles a puppy in many ways. (drooling, destroying things, boundless energy, the occasional woof).
It's not something that bothers me.