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Preemies
How do you not stress?!
Since this is my first time posting on this board i'll give a bit of a background so i'm sorry if this post ends up being long.
My husband and I started seeing doctors to TTC in January I was diagnosed with PCOS and they said "start now it'll take 2-3 years" well lo and behold we were pregnant in April and were expecting a Christmas baby. My pregnancy was boring up till 29 weeks when I developed a placental abruption. 3 weeks later things were clearing up and i was talking to the doctors about going back to work. On November 2nd i was in for another routine check up and my blood pressure was a little high so they sent me with orders for a 24hr urine sample didn't get to do that because they called my husbands cell phone and said "up to labor and delivery please" i got up there and my "slightly high bloodpressure" was now "very high" at 175/110 and i was transferred from my local hospital to a major trauma center an hour and a half from home. My son was born 11/3 at 5:21 Pm 4lbs and 7weeks early.
He spent 2 days in the NICU and was transferred to a continuing care nursery across the hall. which is where I sit now, day in and day out. The doctors and nurses are great but this isn't how I expected to spend the first weeks and possibly months of my sons life. I wanted to be able to hold him and cuddle him and not worry about his developmental path so much.
How do you get through this and not break down in tears every 2 seconds because I'm trying to be strong enough for this and I want him to be strong and healthy before he comes home but how do you let go of that "dream" that was the happy healthy full term baby and accept the hand that was dealt you without being envious of those that don't have to spend the first month or 2 in the hospital? How do you not stress about the days that are a little tougher?
Sorry this is long but any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated!
DX Graves Disease 2002
TTC 1/2010
PCOS
1st Born Son Due 12/23/10 born 11/3/10 7w1d early due rapid onset preeclampsia, HELLP after placental abruption and 3 weeks strict bed rest.
Pg #2 edd 3/2013
DH and I are both Carriers for CF
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you not stress?!
Some days are hard and some days you'll be stressed and you'll cry. I tried my best to be grateful for every good day, knowing that our situation was almost a whole lot worse and that every step forward was a blessing. We also stopped by the chapel in the hospital every night to pray for our son, be thankful for his progress, help him through his challenges, and pray for all the other sick babies.
I would also recommend taking occasional days and nights off from the NICU to spend some QT with your husband - go out to eat or do something to get a break!
HUGS!
I still don't think I have completely let go of the dream of a term baby. I still am sad that DS's first few weeks of life were filled with so much worry and pain for him.
I am very grateful for everything that happens in his life, because we were very close to not having him at all. But, that doesn't mean you can't grieve the loss of an experience that so many other couples get and take for granted. I still worry constantly about DS, but I think any parent always worries about their child. The worries are just different for a preemie parent.
Take one day at a time. Kangaroo care your LO as much as they will let you. I hope your LO has a short and uneventful stay in the hospital. Hugs to you!
I agree - kangaroo as much as they'll let you. Talk/read/sing to your baby (don't be self-conscious about it!). It also helps to have some distractions - a fluffly book to read, a good magazine, a goal (ie. crochet a blanket for baby - it's not too hard to learn, and baby blankets are quite small). Take breaks, take walks. Take LOTS of pictures of your little one - to show how small they really were - they'll grow so quickly!
It's okay to grieve, too....a full term baby, a good birth experience, even not getting to have a big belly and wear all your maternity clothes...
All the best!
Congratulations on the birth of your son, and I'm so sorry you had to join this club.
Not stress....well, I've not been good at that, I stress and worry a lot, but like PP said, I think most parents do, it's just a bit different for us.
As for the not being jealous of others, and accepting the card you've been delt.....well, that's hard, and it took a lot of time. I went through the all the steps of the grieving process. There were a few things that helped me. One was recognizing that sure a lot of other people have it easier than me, but there's also a lot that have had more of a struggle. One time when I was upset that people who don't want children, or shouldn't have them because they're addicted to drugs etc, seem to be able to carry a child to term with no problem, and I did everything right and ........it just didn't seem fair at all. The thought then crossed my mind......"what if Evan had been born to those people", it made me shudder to think of it. Evan needed good parents, he needed us. I don't think any child deserves, to be born premature, nor the parents. That's not what I'm saying, but bad stuff happens in life, and I'm glad I'm Evan's parent when he was born so early and not someone who's addicted to drugs or alcohol, or doesn't want a child. I think finding support online and talking about things alot helped me to accept my road too.
A really big moment for me was when I realized I was starting to lose part of who I am to these feelings. I was becoming a person who was unable to empathize with a lot of people. I didn't like who I was becoming, and knew I had to change. It's still hard somedays, but it has gotten a lot better. I think the fact that my son is doing so well so now does help too.
Anyway, the feelings you're having are completely normal. Again, I'm sorry your family is having to go through this right now. I hope he's home in your arms soon!
First ..... (((HUGS))))
My girls were born 8 wks early...and we spent 5 weeks in the hospital. 3 in NICU...and 2 in the stepdown Nicu. I have to say..... the 2 weeks in the transitional unit were pure hell for me. I just wanted my girls home. I was so sick of the hospital. And so sick of each day feeling like a week...and the weekend felt like an eternity.
Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I had a girlfriend who delivered the day after me....only her baby was a huge, healthy, full term 9 pound + baby. This gal complained about everything. She would txt msg me... "this is torture (pregnancy)"...."I don't think I can take another minute of this... I will not be having more kids after this..." etc. etc. I just wanted to tell her how LUCKY she was. I would trade her those days and weeks to keep my girls on the 'inside' and cookin' and growing. She had No idea what we went thru in those 5 weeks at the hospital. Not a clue.
Remember on those hard days.... each day that passes and you get thru...is a day closer to bringing your little one home!
Post here and check in.... the ladies on this board are great. I found this board in my hospital days....and even now at home to be very helpful. It's comforting to know that others have gone thru this too. Hope your LO is home for the holidays. ((More Hugs)))
We spent 4 months in the NICU for having a 26 weeker. People always ask how we got through it and looking back, I honestly don't know how we did it. It seems like a different life to me. I felt lots of emotions-the main one being anger that "the experience" was taken from me. To add to the stress, our DS was born 5 hours away from home since my water broke while we were visiting family out of state. DH and I only saw each other a couple of days a week.
I know it is easier said than done, but take it one day at a time. We talked to DS all the time while he was in the NICU, read to him, and watched baseball games (when he was bigger and in a crib). DH and I also made it a point to go out once in a while on dates since he had to travel once a week from home to where we were and didn't see each other that much. Be there for each other. The only ones who really know what you are feeling are the two of you. I hope your LO gets home soon!
We spent 4 months in the NICU for having a 26 weeker. People always ask how we got through it and looking back, I honestly don't know how we did it. It seems like a different life to me. I felt lots of emotions-the main one being anger that "the experience" was taken from me. To add to the stress, our DS was born 5 hours away from home since my water broke while we were visiting family out of state. DH and I only saw each other a couple of days a week.
I know it is easier said than done, but take it one day at a time. We talked to DS all the time while he was in the NICU, read to him, and watched baseball games (when he was bigger and in a crib). DH and I also made it a point to go out once in a while on dates since he had to travel once a week from home to where we were and didn't see each other that much. Be there for each other. The only ones who really know what you are feeling are the two of you. I hope your LO gets home soon!So sorry you are having a tough time but it sounds like your LO is doing really well.
It is hard. It is stressful. And to some degree you have to allow yourself to feel all of the feelings that come with the process. There were days I was so mad I wanted to punch out everyone I saw. There were days I was so happy I wanted to dance. Then there were days I could do nothing but cry.
I don't think there are many of us who planned on having a preemie. I too had a picture perfect pregnancy until the night I went in with a slight abdominal pain. Try not to let your idea of what "should have been" get in the way of seeing the big picture. You have a baby! He is doing well! Focus on the small victories and celebrate as much as you can.
Congratulations of the birth of your son!
DD was born at 31 weeks and spent 7 weeks in the NICU. Like 80% of preemies she has acid reflux. I cried all the time and didn't leave my house other than to go to the hospital to visit. Somehow or other, I got through it. I have a good relationship with DH and we supported each other. I'm still traumatized and still have a hard time seeing happy pregnant women. Once LO comes home, the NICU does seem like a bad dream. I'd suggest coming here and posting about your experiences. You are not alone. We've all been through it.
Thanks everyone! I'm glad to know that what i'm feeling is normal and that it's still ok to be happy, sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, nervous and a whole other slew of complicated emotions all at once. At least i know that my emotional range is bigger than that of a teaspoon. It also helps to know that there are people who know what I'm going through because my friends don't get it. The hospital my son was born in which is now the hospital we're pretty much living in is an hour and a half from home. And i have 6 friends that are pregnant and coming close to the end of their pregnancies and they won't stop complaining. I just want to hit them and say "look at what you don't have to deal with because you're babies are full term!" It makes me want to throw a fit like I'm the small child. I'm really good about holding my tongue though but one day I'm afraid it's going to slip and I'm going to be sorry. So I appreciate all your words of encouragement and support. I'm sure i'll need it in the next few days and weeks!
Thanks again! Your advice and support is welcomed and appreciated!