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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
What do you go by and how do you get people to respect your wishes?
I like to be called "Mama." I have a couple reasons for this. One is that I find "mommy" whiney. No flames, please. It's just a personal preference and not a slight on anyone in the least. Two, I have three stepkids. They call their mom "mommy," and I want there to be a distinction between us for the sake of preventing confusion later.
My MIL insists on calling me mommy when referring DD to me. It drives me insane!! I try to talk with DD and say "mama" often so MIL will catch the hint. No dice. If I come right out and tell her what I prefer to be called, she'll get all offended and act like I just told her she was butt ugly or something. UGH!
I realize I'm probably being irrationally sensitive over this. If you have any suggestions on how to overcome that, I'd appreciate those too! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What do you go by and how do you get people to respect your wishes?
she probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. "mommy" is such a common term that she's probably just used to refering to moms as such. i doubt it's intentional. try not to let it get to you. your babe is around you a lot more than she's around your MIL-- hearing an occasional "mommy" wont change her calling you mama if that's what you prefer.
of course she'll probably just call you whatever's easier for her to say.
I think whatever you have your child call you is probably what they will end up calling you regardless of what your MIL says.
Honest question- why do your step children call you anything related to mommy/mama? I am a stepchild myself & that really would have been weird to me. I always called my step parents by their first names b/c mom/dad were reserved for my actual parents.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
Thanks ladies! I'm sure DD will adapt. It's just annoying. All the backstory issues with MIL probably don't help! LOL!
What do you all prefer to be called?
They don't. When I talked about confusion, I was talking about when they refer to their mom in DD's presence later. I just think if we're not both called "mommy" it will draw a line. That's the secondary reason to my preference, though. I've always preferred "mama."
I had an issue with my MIL getting upset when I want to hold my baby an d she would insist that I either put him in his bouncy chair or hand him to her. And I just went back to work and was missing him like crazy so I wanted to hold him a lot. She refused to understand and got offended. LOL
So then DH and I tried to explain to her how i was feeling and she didn't understand untill other people would be involved. For example when someone else told me to put DS down when i was holding him, MIL steped forward and said "leave her alone, she does not see him most of the week and she misses him. let her hold him in peace". I was very surprised!
So I believe if when asking your MIL to change the way she is referring to you, you should try using other people as an example and this way she might not feel like it's a personal attack on her.
I agree with you - you are being over sensitive. Honestly, assuming you don't live with your IL's or see them daily, I doubt that your MIL calling you mommy in front of your DD will have any lasting impact on your DD. And if it bothers you that much, speak up and give the stepkid reasoning (honestly though, I think that reason is petty, but it is your reason, I guess).
And your DD is not really talking age yet - and when she is, she will call you whatever she is able to say. You are worrying about this way too soon.
I guess I wasn't clear. I have no fears that DD will not either call me what she hears most or what she can say. MIL is just annoying and I was wondering if anyone's experienced this with someone in their life.
As for the SK situation, until you've lived it with all the same people playing the parts, you won't get it. AND, like I said, I've always preferred "mama" and would have liked DD to call me that regardless of whether there were SKs involved. My nephews called my exSIL that and I thought it was great! I probably shouldn't have even brought that reason up.
This. If I was their real mom I'd be pi$$ed to hear them give ANY other woman that title. (Edited to say nevermind this part - the wording in the OP confused me - I see what you were saying now)
As far as your MIL, let it go. She doesn't mean any harm, and your child will call you what they hear most often, which is obviously whatever you and your husband say.
OK, as far as the step parent thing goes - I think others are being too sensitive. Each family is different and I truthfully don't see why the OP has to explain why her kids call her anything. My step-niece calls my SIL "mommy" because she wants to. She lives full-time with SIL and her dad and sees bio-mom about twice a year. Maybe that is not the situation for the OP, but whatever her kids decide to call her is between her family. Plenty of kids call their step-parent "mom", or "dad" or some variation.
As for the OP, your young daughter will end up calling you whatever. I quite liked being called "Mama" and always referred to myself as that, but DS#1 ended up calling me "Mommy" and now sometimes even "Mom". And yes, you are being too oversensitive as well about the situation.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder