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Etiquette Question NBR - Holiday Help

johnsoniajohnsonia
in July 2011 Moms

ok, sorry if this is long, but I really need to know...

I live in CT and my dad lives in FL. We are not very close but try to keep in touch. He asked me ab a month or 2 ago about my plans for the holidays, that he & his new gf will be visiting family in the North east (NY, NJ, etc) and he would like to get together etc. 

FFWD today. My bf and I decide to host Xmas eve for my immediate family (since we spend thanksgiving & xmas day w his fam). I invited my Sister & niece, My mother & her bf, and my dad & his gf (and me & BF of course). I thought this wld be perfect.

I don't have a big place & probably need a folding table to accommodate this many people as it is. So dad calls me today & asks if  his gf's daughter & fiance can come too.

WTF - I don't want them to come, but I don't want to be rude. I said my place isn't so big & Im not sure we all could fit.  In addition, this is a holiday & I wld prefer to spend w family instead of strangers. I never met his gf  even!  

So Im assuming he is not using etiquette by asking this of me, But how can I say No without being rude.?

HELP!

TIA 

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Re: Etiquette Question NBR - Holiday Help

  • ECHC829ECHC829

    Not sure the proper etiquette, but can you mention to your dad that you are concerned about space with the edition of gf's d and f...  maybe say you might not be able to host.

    however, you may then be putting your dad in a tough spot of deciding to spend time with you (his daughter) or with his gf's daughter since I'm sure they both want to be their children.... maybe test the waters and say you are concerned about space and see what his response his ??


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  • johnsoniajohnsonia
    imageEHayes1183:

    Not sure the proper etiquette, but can you mention to your dad that you are concerned about space with the edition of gf's d and f...  maybe say you might not be able to host.

    however, you may then be putting your dad in a tough spot of deciding to spend time with you (his daughter) or with his gf's daughter since I'm sure they both want to be their children.... maybe test the waters and say you are concerned about space and see what his response his ??

    I kind of already did this. dad says "i'll sit on the porch", jokingly, but I don't think he was 100% kidding. So I tried to give him an OUT by saying "Well even if we don't do xmas eve, we can still have dinner another night while youre in town" So we left it on "Ok, lets see" I really hope he bows out
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  • BoogieMonster629BoogieMonster629 member
    I don't know what the proper etiquette would be but I would say just be honest.  Say something like "Dad listen I don't want to be rude BUT I really just wanted it to be a small intimate family dinner and since I haven't met your gf yet I think it might be a little awkward for everyone if the others joined us.." hopefully he will understand where you are coming from and maybe suggest another night would be better
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  • AbbneyAbbney member
    I host an "open house" on Christmas eve and invite EVERYONE I know.  if your coming from church on your way to crazy aunt linda's and want a cocktail (or after) stop by!! stay 10 minutes, stay 3 hours.  Can't make it? Happy Holidays! NBD!!  we do a white elephant, heavy hor dourves (sp?) rock band and beer pong (later on of course) LOL...its a blast!
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  • johnsoniajohnsonia

    imageAbbney:
    I host an "open house" on Christmas eve and invite EVERYONE I know.  if your coming from church on your way to crazy aunt linda's and want a cocktail (or after) stop by!! stay 10 minutes, stay 3 hours.  Can't make it? Happy Holidays! NBD!!  we do a white elephant, heavy hor dourves (sp?) rock band and beer pong (later on of course) LOL...its a blast!

     

    WHoa! Sounds like fun! Too bad no beer pong this yr -  

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  • Jennifer2008Jennifer2008 member
    Not sure of "etiquette" but do what makes sense for you. Our family always has a more the merrier kind of mentality so they'd be welcome at ours (even if we had to squish) but do what is comfortable for you guys. No real right or wrong here, but be honest and upfront with your Dad so he can understand whatever you choose. 
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  • TikatTikat

    imagelrachelle80:
    I don't think he's being that rude...wouldn't you want to meet his GF's kids if her and your dad are getting serious? I'm sure he just wants his whole family together for the holiday.  Then again, I'm always of the mindset of "the more, the merrier."  If you really can't squeeze two more places in, then you'll have to flat out say no. But me, personally - I'd try to. 

     

    I'm with Irachelle...your dad is family and for all you know you may like his girlfriends children...my dad passed away a few years ago and I would invite his nutbag 2nd wife if that meant having a chance to make amends with him...and spending some more time with him!

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  • damabo80damabo80 member

    imagelrachelle80:
    I don't think he's being that rude...wouldn't you want to meet his GF's kids if her and your dad are getting serious? I'm sure he just wants his whole family together for the holiday.  Then again, I'm always of the mindset of "the more, the merrier."  If you really can't squeeze two more places in, then you'll have to flat out say no. But me, personally - I'd try to. 

    I agree. By saying no, you're making him choose between his family and his girlfriend, and I imagine that his gf would like to spend the holiday with her daughter.

    I could better understand your predicament if he wanted to invite 10 other people, but it's only two additional people. Two isn't much. It is doable if you're willing to try it and be the gracious hostess.


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  • robintorarobintora
    I actually totally understand your feelings.  I always host Thanksgiving, and it's always immediate family.  In the past I have allowed my cousin to bring his girlfriend, and even one year his girlfriend brought her kids and brother!  Its gotten to the point that every year he has a "serious" gf, and every year she's out of the picture by Christmas.  So this year I said I just wanted it to be immediate family and that he should spend Thanksgiving with his family and not with some girl and kids that we don't know and won't ever see again...not to his face though, just to my dad.  Anyway, I'm sure this makes me a terrible person, but its getting a bit ridiculous.  So I put my foot down in this situation.  It turns out he decided (on his own) to have Thanksgiving dinner w/ his gf.  Maybe they will break up before then though...
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