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Toddlers: 24 Months+
so sick of people asking
my son is a late talker and it seems like every time i talk to anyone in my family they have to ask how his speech is developing, and then we have a long conversation about what I'm doing to work on it and how he is improving i don't want to sound selfish but i really just don't want to talk about it anymore
yes i am concerned, i tears me up inside, i worry that it my be linked to bigger issues, i worry that something i did or didn't do has caused his delay and i work with him daily and so does his father but i do not want to talk about it anymore with my family and i certainly don't want to listen to my mother speculate as to why his speech is delayed (do you think it could be because Patrick is so firm with him? ...etc...) i begrudgingly agreed to wait until his second birthday before having him evaluated because his father wanted to give him a chance to catch up but now he is 2 and i think the time has come
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Re: so sick of people asking
Sorry that you are going through this. It always seems like everyone has an opinion on everything concerning YOUR child, doesn't it? It can be very frustrating! Have you mentioned it to your pedi? Is he or she concerned? If they aren't concerned, I don't know that I'd worry too much. Or, you could always have a speech evaluation done if you and/or the pedi are concerned with his speech development.
Our friends have a little boy who is almost four years old. For the longest time, he hardly said any words at all. Even when we saw him last year, he was only saying a few words, and grunting a lot. I think the grunting was just because he was getting so frustrated that he couldn't say what he wanted to say. They came to visit a few weeks ago, and he was taking in sentences like crazy. His mom and I talked about it, and she mentioned that her son has been in speech therapy and it's really doing wonders for him. You could really tell a BIG difference!
DS says a ton of words, but I'm concerned because I see people post about (and IRL friends talk about) their 2+ year olds that are talking in simple sentences, and DS won't even string two words together. At his 2 year well visit, his pedi wasn't concerned. I'm going to wait until he's 2.5, and if he's still not stringing words together at that point, talk to his pedi again.
Good luck with everything!
Aww, sorry. Nobody worries like a momma. I went through it with DD#1 with walking- she crawled at 12 months and walked at 18. I hated when the topic came up b/c I felt that rather than genuine love and support I was receiving a parenting critique. And the one thing I was certain, that I knew better than anyone how to helpp my daughter. Know that about your son.
I started a walking blog. And updated weekly her progress on walking and physical things she'd improved. As wellas a bit of AWing everything else that was awesome about her. I would just tell them to check out the blog, I'm all walk-talked out. I figured it would get them off my back, and the once a week vomit about walking would get be therapeutic, and if she did need therapy, maybe there would be something helpful in there for evaluation.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this- it's hard when your child struggles with anything!
It sounds like you are aware of it and working on it appropriately so I can imagine that it would bother you. I would just tell your mom just that, you've got it covered, tell her what you are doing and that you don't want to talk about it anymore.
Coming from the other perspective...my nephew is very speech delayed. He is 3 and is basically incoherent (his sister and mom understand him), doesn't seem to have many words, and rarely strings more than one word together. My mother was concerned for awhile that he had a hearing deficit and had to harass my SIL to get him checked. I know that my pedi would have had him evaluated and my guess is that he would be in some sort of EI. I know her pedi has sucked at other things so I wouldn't trust his opinion on this one either. I know she doesn't read to him and doesn't push him to say things. I don't say anything to her but it does make me sad that I don't think he is being helped enough.
Having said that, I think that if you explain to your family how you are dealing with it, that they should be satisfied with that and then be quiet about it.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl. The girl was so advanced in speech that it made her brother look really, really bad. So, my sister called the local county EI (Early Intervention) for an eval and services and they said the child had to be 2 years old to be evaluated. It was good she called b/c making appointments could take a while and as it turned-out, he had the evaulation ON his 2nd b-day. Well, in the 4 months between his appointment and eval his speech improved dramatically - as it is apt to do in young children.
At the eval, the EI person tested him and said he was within the range of typical and didn't need services. She also met my niece and interacted with her. She said my niece "was off the charts" and yeah, the comparison would make her brother look bad. But not to worry, so we didn't. My sister also learned a bit about speech and typical speech developemnt and was much better about informing others that his speach was on target within the LARGE range of development.
I'll also note that I was very impressed with my sister's actions to seek EI services. She was like "why not, its free. I want to be doing eveything I can. It's no big deal." And in fact, it is not. I'm conserned that your husband wants to give him more time to catch-up, as if it's a goal not to use services. What's the hang-up? Why put that kind of pressure on yourselves or your child? Especially becuase you used the word "begrudgingly" when you agreed. I'd stop letting your husband tell you what to do and I'd stop letting your mother tell you what to do, and just decide what YOU think is best, gather your facts/information and then approach it as a TEAM effort with your husband. Not him or you begrudgingly agreeing with the other.
When it's YOUR plan and you have the support of your husband and you are acting as a team, its much easier to put-off all those well-meaning voices and questions. I suspect that since you're not sure of this plan and you aren't connected to professionals to answer your questions and set you straight, that you are much too willing to hear and respond to random others.
If you DID have a plan you believed in, you could easily shutdown any inquiries and thinly veiled criticisms with "We've got it covered. We are all set. Thanks for asking." And move on. And not feel the least bit guilty about it.
You said the time has come. So go to it. The wondering is much worse than the knowing, anyway. Just call your local health department and ask for an Early Intervention evaluation. They'll test his hearing and motor skills and all that. It's usually free, too and they come to your home at your convenience.
First off I was in your shoes 4-5 months ago, so I totally understand. At my girls 2nd birthday they had maybe 12-15 words each total and only I really understood most of them. At 18 months the pedi suggested being evaluated, but we were in Northern VA at that time and had those 3 blizzards back to back so our appt. at the Army Hospital (DH is military) for hearing test, requirement for our area before speech eval. was cancelled 2 times. Once things with the weather got better we were transferred here to FL. I waited until their second birthday because I wanted to give them a chance to catch up on their own, but it did not happen. Our new pedi put in a referal for speech and we were evaluated right away (we went private because our insurance covered it). They qualified for services and we have been in speech therapy for the past 3 months.
It has made a world of difference. They both have about 50 words and they are stringing 2 and 3 words together. The most important part of the therapy was it taught me what I could do to help them on a daily basis to improve their communication. They now tell me what they want/need instead of just whining/crying/grunting and pointing at things.
As for the family, I am sure they are concerned, but you need to let them know you are handling things and to just back off for a while. I would say it nicely, but I would tell them. My mother used to ask me everytime she called about their speech, but now she just asks how they are doing in general because I kind of snapped at her one day about asking me so much. Not the way I wanted to come across, but she got the message.
Oh and as for the waiting thing, when the girls were evaluated they had just turned 2, the therapist that tested them said that when scoring they would score them based on age 2, if I had brought them in 2 weeks earlier they would have had to score them based on age 1 (even though they were 23 months old) and they probably would not have qualified for therapy, because based on the age of 1 12-15 words was in the normal range. The testing does not distinguish between a 1 year old that is 13 months old and one that is 23 months old, that is a huge age difference in regards to speech, so it might be good that you did wait until 2.