How much time does your LO spend playing alone?

Geek_Girl · November 2010

DS has a play room with all of his toys on the main floor of the house. DH and I are trying to work out how much time he should be spending in there by himself.

DH's concern is that if we spend "too much" time with him he won't learn to be OK playing by himself.

My concern is that DS should be out of his play room for more than just meals and about an hour a day. Not to mention there's stuff like learning to talk, shape/color recognition, puzzles, etc that I like to work on with him.

What seems to have brought this on is that the last two days I've left DS run around the house between his morning snack and lunch. After his nap he has a snack and I put him in his play room (he can still see me) and he has a fit because he wants to run around the house more.

I guess DH and I are at a crossroads with how we feel about how much time DS should spend "out and about" and having one of us to play/learn with.

Ugh. Any thoughts/ideas?

jkalmommy2b · November 2010

DD plays by herself in her playroom for 20 minutes or so at a time. She then comes to the kitchen (where I'm cooking or cleaning) and let's me know she needs some attention. If I can I go play with her. If I can't I try to include her with what I'm doing at the time (i.e. she has kitchen utensils she plays with while I'm cooking). I personally believe that she will develop more independence, but I don't feel that it's anything I can teach her.

Dr.Loretta · November 2010

DD spends most of her play time alone (eg, not with me on the floor with her doing things). It seems to me that she's picking up enough stuff to learn just watching me in the kitchen, laundry room, or whatever I happen to be doing as she roams around the house. I will on occasion get down on the floor with her and read a book, or toss a ball, or work on her learning to stand.

That being said, she's not in her play room while she plays. She gets the whole length of the back half of the house, encompassing the living room, kitchen, butler's pantry, 1/2 bath, and laundry room. She may spend 10-20 minutes examining her toys or looking at her books, and the rest of the time crawling through the other rooms and checking things out. She'll dig through her bib drawer, or try and pull down the trash can or laundry detergent, and lately I've put some bowls and spoons out for her to bang on in the kitchen.

BTW, she's 8.5 months if that makes any difference to you.

rosiemomma · November 2010

I wouldn't worry about it at that age he is still too young to understand so don't try to make it a chore or he will end up not liking it, the best way would be to play in there with him and leave the door open, if he goes in on his own and plays praise him, that way he begins to like the room and later on when he is old enough to really play on his own he will like the room and most likely go in there on his own especially if that is where the toys are at!

wifeandmama · November 2010

Honestly, almost always! If we are home, he is making up some sort of game and playing. I will paint with him (mainly b/c he makes a mess!) or color or read to him, but he lieks to come up with creative games alone.

starlingrose · November 2010

Ds plays alone alot BUT his toys area is right in the living room so he is always in the same room as us. If Im flipping laundry or cooking and he wanders over then I talk to him and he helps (pushes buttons, closes dryer door ect). He always has free run of the house, the bathroom door and our bedroom doors are locked but his door always stays open and he can go in and out as he pleases.

IMO I wouldnt be forcing (for lack of a better word) your lo to spend a certain amount of time in his playroom alone or forcing that he be in there everyday at a certain amount of time. That wont create independence. Just distract him with toys near you while your busy. He will learn to play alone but still learn from your actions. My son loves to pretend to wipe things with a cloth, sweep, open the door with keys ectect...all stuff he learned from watching.

Not saying you dont do that but just saying he can still be independent when in the same room as you.

wifeandmama · November 2010

I wanted to come back to say his toys are in our foyer, which is basically part of our LR so we're usually in the same room. If we're upstairs, he plays in his room but runs back and forth between our bedroom and his.

lbaby08 · November 2010

DD plays really well by herself for up to 45 minutes at a time but this is a recent development (like in the last 3 weeks!). Previously, she would play for maybe 10-15 minutes by herself, check in with me and then go back to playing for 10-15 minutes. She liked to play on the floor in the kitchen while I cooked dinner whereas now she will play in her room or the living room while I am in the kitchen.

IMHO, I don't think it is the best idea to have an LO in the same room all day outside of meals and one other hour. Maybe it depends on how you have your house set up but I think it is better to encourage them to play as you go depending on what you are doing in the house. Maybe I am not understanding what you are saying but I think playing completely independently is a process and not one to force on a young child. They need the interaction with other people to learn. Is there a reason he can't run around the house if that is what you are doing and then have play time in his play room both by himself (for whatever amount of time is appropriate for his age) and with one or both parents? Kids can easily get bored with the same 4 walls.

If what you are saying is that he spends the majority of his day in his play room by himself (even if he can see you) with little continuous interaction with either you or DH, I have to say that I don't think that is the best thing for him. You are right that you need to come up with a new plan that is more balanced towards what your child is developmentally ready for.

SMA! · November 2010

LO is 11 months. She plays fairly independently from 7-9 am - she is almost always in the same room I am in but doing her own thing. We always leave the house after her first nap and generally do something that involves other kids and parents. We go to the park, playgroups etc. Back home for lunch and another nap. Then we spend a couple of hours playing with her toys/reading together in her room. Sometimes we go for a walk around the neighborhood. She eats dinner at 5, then we start bedtime routine and she is down at 6.

So most days she gets some independent playtime, some time with other kids and one-on-one mommy time. The days that DH is home we are all over the place.

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