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2nd Trimester
thebigmare
member
Out of touch DH....
thebigmare
member
I registered last night and now I'm doing research to find the best prices on some of the big ticket items. I sent DH a link to my post about what to buy new and what to buy used. He responded, "I don't know. Good info though." To which I replied, "Wait till you see how much this stuff costs..." and sent him my excel spreadsheet where I'm tracking the items and where they are cheapest. Here's what I sent him:
Swing/high chair convertible, light stroller, pack n'pack, convertible stroller, Bjorn baby carrier, monitor, car seat (20 lbs-100lbs)
His response: "Is all that really necessary? What do poor people do?"
Hello out of touch DH! I didn't even send you the 200 item registry! You just saw the list of essentials!
I supposed baby bjorn isn't necessary, and you could make do without a swing, light stroller, high chair and a monitor (But why would you!). I suppose you could have the baby in bed with you and just change them anywhere to save on the pack n'play (although I'm not into that either). But the car seats are truly necessary!
Anyone else's DH totally out of touch with all of the things babies need???
Maybe I should just show him the total list including: crib, crib mattress, changing table, glider (we already bought), crib bedding, crib mobile, diapers, cabinet and door latches, outlet covers, gates, activity jumper, bouncy, toys, books, clothes, breast pump, breast pads, breast cream, breast milk storage, nursing bra, nursing pillow, pacifiers, teethers, nail clippers, thermometer, humidifier, baby bathtub, towels, shampoo, soap, lotion, wipes, diaper bag, ETC.
But to answer DH's question, what do poor people do? Buy used? Go without? We don't have a ton of money right now bc DH is in school, but I work and we've been saving.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Out of touch DH....
I'll be a single mom and I've always been frugal. I plan on skipping some things like a changing table. But when it comes to the basic necessities, I don't want to put price over safety.
I also hate when people buy me stuff. It makes me uncomfortable. But I'm looking forward to the shower to help with some of the stuff I'll need. Don't forget, people will want to help you get some of the things on your list.
Um, that is what poor people do. They buy only the essentials. For a baby, you need: a carseat, diapers, and a way to feed them. Your husband is right.
However, that's the beauty of a shower and registry...hopefully, people love you enough to get you some of the things you want.
Well in his defense, he has no idea how beneficial these items will be to life w/ baby. Also, most guys could care less until baby is here anyway- as long as it doesn't break the bank. How much you're saving by shopping around is more of a conversation another Mom could appreciate!
And not everybody needs/uses a pack 'n play. My DD hated it so it's been in the attic for the last 15 months? Good luck shopping though- I hope you find some great deals!
BTW, I have actually considered not getting a monitor for this same reason. But the friend that went shopping with me thought that I might not hear the baby from the kitchen.
I guess I'm just taking the advice of my friend who has two kids. She was a SAHM and they were on a strict budget. I guess I figured if she's been there and done that and considered certain things essentials, then I should take her advice.
For example, the light stroller. She said that she got a used light stroller and it was a lifesaver when you don't feel like lugging the bigger one around and when the baby gets older and can walk, but you know he can't walk for very long.
DH and I just talked and his email stemmed from baby item sticker shock. Granted he researched baby costs, but before we were pregnant, and therefore in the abstract. Seeing prices on the screen was a little overwhelming for him.
And no I'm not confusing needs and wants. But as a first time mom, it's actually hard to figure out what is actually essential. Some things were easy to rule out as frivolous, like video monitors. But there are a lot of things in the gray area. Of course, we are only going to buy within our means. I've never carried a credit card balance before and I'm not going to start now. Having a baby is a huge learning curve!!!!!!
I'm glad you can relate!!!
I just got pissy with him because I did the research, I went shopping, I'm asking mommy friends, you ladies on the bump, etc. He doesn't do anything but decree that some things are unnecessary, without doing the research to back it up (To his credit, we've talked and he said it was just the sticker shock talking. He can see how things on there are necessary and/or convenient). I wouldn't have been as annoyed if he had just said, "Why do you think x is necessary? What did your friend say?"
Of course, my crazy pregnancy hormones are raging tonight and I've already cried twice tonight...
I'm with KDodge on this one! Needs are diapers, clothes, food, and a place to sleep.
Of course, I see the distinction you are making here. But then again, most consumer-driven Americans have a very fuzzy understanding of needs vs. wants.
You are right that many people survive without most of those items. I teach in an inner-city school and my DH and I were just discussing how many of these items many of them go without (especially the older pregnant teen sisters...). But if we have the means (through savings, showers, etc), why wouldn't you buy things that some would consider necessary (if not at least for your sanity as a parent).
I'm still in the processof figuring out what is necessary (or necessary for convenience sake) and what goes on our wish list. Since I haven't bought anything yet, it is still an on-going process.
And why wouldn't I take my friend's suggestions? You act like taking the advice from a mother of two when I am a first-timer is an awful thing to do. It's better to take her advice than the BRU registry advice.
I don't know where else to start than to ask someone who has already been there!
This is actually what I think we will end up doing. That's why I posted the question about what other moms would buy used (separate post). I'm already starting to search Craigslist for items.
I already had sticker shock last night at BRU's clothing section. $7 (on $50 clearance) for a onesie???? Seriously? I'm not paying that. A coworker suggested hitting up clearance racks at the end of seaons and just predicting size at that point. She said that's what she did and she got a lot of great deals at Kohl's.
I've never been a garage sale person before...mostly because I like to sleep in on Saturdays. I guess I'll have to drag my butt to some "tag sales" (as they are called here in CT).
I saw the Duggars' episode where Michelle goes baby shopping with Anna at a Goodwill type store. She gets sooooooo much stuff! "Buy used and save the difference!" says Michelle Duggar.
I've had 2 kids and have never used nor needed a monitor, baby bjorn or whatever (not even sure what that is), or half the other things listed. Honestly, the more simple you keep it, the better.
Wow that's a big list. To be honest with you I think there are a lot of things you don't need on it (just from experience.) We have a swing. No bouncy, no jumper, just one swing. There is really no need for a baby bathtub, I took dd in the tub w/ me or bathed her in the sink. And while it's nice to have a towel just for babys they grow out of them quickly and there is no reason they can't use the same ones you and your DH do. Babies don't need toys for at least 4 mos. We never bought a high chair just one of the seats that attach to the table. as soon as baby can sit up they can use it. Before that I fed her on my lap or in the swing. We have always had one stroller. I decided against a travel system in favor of a lightweight stroller that reclines all the way. (a little more expensive then some but considering that we only bought one instead of two makes a big difference.) We also bought one convertable car seat. They start at 5 lbs and as long as you have the proper (manufacturer approved) support they work just as well as an infant car seat and again you only buy one! the baby Bjorn is nice but honestly Infantino makes a knockoff of the ERGO which is much cheaper and just as good.
You may be surprised by what a baby does and doesn't need. the only real way to tell is when they get here.
BTW if you want books consider having people bring one for your wishing well at your shower. It's a great way to start a collection.
IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/qpqv84.jpg[/IMG]
Patiently waiting for little brother!
This is going to be me. I have to move back in with my parents because San Francisco is so expensive, and LO will be sharing a room with me. I'm still in college so pretty much everything is a luxury for me, and if I don't get things at the shower than I'm just going to have to do with out.
I just find it hard to justify some of the things that are said to be needed for a baby who's going to out grow most of it fairly quickly...
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d55f2" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
You have to realize that you don't need everything at once. When you bring the baby home you need a place for him or her to sleep, an infant carseat, diapers, a food source and clothes. I would get clothes second-hand if money is an issue. When it comes to the small sized stuff, kids outgrow it before they wear it out, so a lot of second hand infant stuff looks new. If you don't buy everything up front, you can budget better and it won't seem like so much money. You also need to realize you can probably borrow things or get second-hand.
For the first four months of my son's life, he slept in a pack n' play bassinet in our bedroom and it had a changing table piece we could use. We had a crib but didn't use it much until we transitioned him to his own room. We used the infant car seat for about 4-5 months and then bought bigger ones. We also didn't have a light stroller until he was 6 months old. You don't need any childproofing supplies until the baby is mobile. You may not need a humidifier depending on your house. I avoid crib bedding other than sheets and waterproof mattress pads entirely due to the risk of SIDS. Until my son was 1, he did not have a single thing in his crib. We used sleep sacks and layering to keep him warm in the winter.
Talk to your friends and family who have kids, they may have stuff they are willing to lend or give you. I borrowed a swing from one friend for my son. Another friend has our crib, stroller, high chair, clothes, slings, etc. She is giving me some of the stuff back now that I am pregnant again, plus she is going to lend me other stuff that she has gotten. My co-workers have offered me hand-me-down clothes (we've had 4 babies in the last year in our small group, with two on the way). Everyone I know is willing to share outgrown baby things. In fact, I have given away almost all of my son's baby clothes because I didn't need them anymore.
I suspect that people with less money just do without. However, there is a multi-billion dollar industry which tries to convince us that we NEED all of these things, but we don't.
This. ALL this.
We buy DS's clothes from consignment and garage sales about 80% of the time. his big stuff, minus his car seats, were hand me downs or bought used.
You do not need to buy everything now.
My Dh is a thrifty one too, not beause we are poor, but because there is better stuff to spend money on, like saving and retirement.
New is not necessary in most cases.
GL!
I get the feeling that a lot of the shopping and registering comes from just needing to do *something* to make the nine months pass and to feel more prepared for something so dramatic and important. You can only paint the nursery once.
The more I research, the less I feel we need. We both hate shopping anyway. And there won't be a shower because we recently moved halfway across the country, so that's a non-issue. You get much more focused when you know so much more is coming out of your own pocket. I'd much rather what money we do have go towards extending my unpaid leave than towards gadgets that the baby may not even be willing to use.
We already get by with many things that others consider vital -- a second car, cable, a microwave -- so I'm not too concerned. And of course we'll end up with some random fluff because it's the first grandkid on both sides. Although I expect most of their funds will go to plane tickets instead.
I'm just lurking, but....
You don't need a lot of that stuff. We only have one stroller. We only have one car seat now (with the convertible we had 2 bases, one for each car.). We just take my car when we go places (I realize this isn't possible for everyone). If your house is small you don't need a monitor. We change diapers on the floor.
Try a second hand store for the rest. I got an awesome carrier (not a BabyBjorn) from a second hand store BRAND NEW! Still in the sealed packaging for $18. (For me having a carrier was a neccesity, it was important to me, but it can be done cheaply)
The pack and play is nice for travel, but not necessary if you don't travel (IMO). Don't bother with the bedding set, you change the sheet all the time and babies can use blankets anyways.
I understand wanting all of it, but its definitely not necessary! It's great to get feedback from your friends, but keep in mind that every baby and every family is different. Just because she needs something doesn't mean you do.
This. Most of that stuff is totally unnecessary and breast creams are in most cases worse than just letting them air out (this is from a woman who has 'extended bf'd' two kids like a raging hippie). A light stroller and most monitors are a waste of time (I'd buy the angel care one and that's about it) and all of the baby "proofing" items do not need to be purchased right away (chances are your baby will be a blob for at least 6-10months).
Mom of a 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old lurking & hopefully answering some of your questions.
The less stuff, the better. Having a newborn is overwhelming enough and if you're anything like me the stuff will just start to make you feel like your home is a mess.
I think the Mei Tai wrap works a lot better than a Bjorn and it's a ton cheaper-
https://cgi.ebay.com/MEI-TAI-NIP-BABY-CARRIER-SLING-PADDED-CHOOSE-FABRIC_W0QQitemZ280540222366QQcategoryZ88433QQcmdZViewItem
The only 'big' thing that I wouldn't buy used is a car seat, beyond that, Craigslist. So many of the things you listed you will need at different times, so buy the bouncy on Craigslist, when you're done with it, sell it and buy the activity jumper.
A pack & play is really only necessary if you travel a lot. A mobile is just going to keep your baby awake in the crib, and I don't know any moms that have actually used their changing table. Any flat surface works and you will tire quickly of walking to it if it's in another room.
Look for consignment stores in your area, and check to see if they have Just Between Friends sales in your town- they are a great source for everything-
https://www.jbfsale.com/default.cfm
HTH!