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Preemies
johnnys june
member
My baby boy is an angel (warning: sad)
johnnys june
member
in Preemies
Dear Preemie Momma's
I wrote last week about my roller coaster from my short cervix, to hospital bedrest, to preterm labor, emergency c-section, 25 week 2 day old son, and the NICU...
All the nurses and doctor's in the NICU prepared us for a roller coaster full of "good days and bad days"....well we had 6 really good days. His only issues were minor changes to his oxygen and vents and insulin. We were able to start him on feeds which was a huge mile stone to me since I am apparently a milk machine, overwhelming their freezer. A little over a day later, my baby boy developed air between his stomache and bowel, which is common. Then the bad day came...At 3:30 AM we received a phone call that Logan has developed a perforated bowel and the contents including bowel were filling his abdomen. He needed emergency surgery where they would make a small incision and insert a tube to allow everything to drain. They would then talk about more surgery later when he was more stable to go in an check everything out and repair the bowel. We were devasted, not having a bad day yet, and when I saw my baby boy for the first time after that phone call he looked so different from the day before. He was on 3 antibiotics for 2 different infections, his abdomen was swollen and blue, and the rest of his body began to have swelling due to all the fluids. I spent all day by his bedside, reading, crying, talking, praying. Later that evening it was time for shift change and the asked me and my husband to leave for a shorttime. We headed to the cafeteria for some much needed dinner. No more than 15 minutes passed and the NICU was calling our cell phones, telling us we needed to get up there asap. When we arrived, our boy was coding. They ressusitated him, but when through the motion of the DNR, ect.
After an every emotional 24 hours, we finally were ready to make a decision no parent should ever have to make. He didn't seem to be improving and we couldn't stand the thought of him suffering. We decided to talk to the doctors. They gave us a 10 to 20% chance of full recovery and explained that he was VERY VERY sick, but that some of his stats were improving a little. We began to hope all over again. Our baby boy was fighting, defeating the odds in even the smallest way. My family was able to come down from North Carolina to be with us, and everyone gathered at the hospital to support us and our little boy in this fight.
Logan fought for 2 days. But his little body couldn't match his spirit. My baby boy passed away on Monday morning. I was able to hold him for the first time and the last as his heartrate fell. Even then, he held on for over an hour while I was able to cuddle him, rock him, and sing to him. My husband and I were able to hold, kiss, touch, feel, and be with our baby, our family. A beautiful gift I'll always treasure inspite of the broken heart and sadness I feel.
I'm sorry if any of you find this depressing or hard to read, but I felt it was necessary for me to update you all since you ya'll were so supportive and understanding when I wrote about how sick he was. You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I was only a NICU momma for 11 days, but it was the roller coaster of a lifetime. It takes a strong momma and daddy to handle it. My husband and I will be donating and becoming involved in March of Dimes to show our love and support for all of you and all the other preemies and their families. It's our way of giving back in honor of our son and in honor of all those who brave the fight for life daily.
May your stay in the NICU be a blessed one! You will truly all be in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you for being so strong and so supportive for not only yourselves and your families, but for all the NICU parents.
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Re: My baby boy is an angel (warning: sad)
I thought that you may be on the preemie board now and I wanted to check to see how everything was progressing with Logan from your last post on Feb11. After looking for you, I am heartbroken to see this post. My 11 year old son was preemie and I know it is such a tough road, but I am so sorry this is where the road has taken you.
I will be praying for you and your family during this time.
I am so sorry. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family. The February board sends you lots of love.
I am so genuinely and incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish I had something to say that would ease your pain but I know that's not possible. My prayers are with you and your family.
Rest in peace little one.
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I am so, so terribly sorry. I wish I could take your pain and suffering away. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You have such an amazing perspective and outlook. Try to stay strong but know you will have moments where you truly need to breakdown.
Huge supportive hugs are headed your way.
After a loss at 13wks and years dealing with IF and failed treatments (3 failed IUI and 1 failed IVF), we have been blessed with DS (surprise BFP) and now his little sister (2nd round of clomid and TI) on her way.
This. T&P with you and your family in this tough time.