- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting after 35
Nicholas Jacob born on 06/30/2009, 9.5lbs and 21 1/4" long
Joshua Scott 5.3lbs & Jonathan Matthew 6.2lbs, born 08/31/10
NBR: New job dilemma - need help please (long)
I know I need to work, I'm going stir crazy at the house, plus we really need the money. At the same time, I hate leaving my boys in the care of someone I don't know. With that said, I've been offered 2 jobs, here's my problem:
1st job offer is in Tampa (4+/- hrs away). 6 figure salary in management. excellent company in Europe, making millions. start up here in the states, has potential to do excellent. the Pres & VP running the company in Tampa are very well known in the industry and will succeed. cadillac health insurance plan and benefits (401K) plus yearly bonuses.
problem: I have to put all 3 boys in daycare. I need to move and live permanently there, my DH cannot. He needs to finish his tenure with the City to be able to collect his full benefits. That will take 2-3yrs. There is talk about a buyout, which would be excellent as he has already said he would take it and move with me to Tampa, but nothing is set in stone, nor do we know when it will/will not happen.
2nd job offer is here in Fort Lauderdale. 45K, basic CS work. I've worked for them before. excellent, well established company in Europe and the states. has had some $ trouble in the past few years but are currently hiring. great health insurance, no extra benefits (no 401K)
problem: basically, i'd be working to put all 3 kids in daycare.
**Other option is to be a SAHM mom and collect unemployement for however much they let me.....or I can see if job offer #2 will let me work from home, which I highly doubt. I've already suggested that from job offer #1 and they declined that option, they want me there to run the place.
What do I want? I want to make money at a job that I love. I want to put money into savings for my kids. I want to save up to help them with college. I want job #1. It's about time that someone pays me what I am worth, dammit! but I do not want to take the kids away from my DH for however long that may be. That's just wrong.
What do you all think, any suggestions? TIA!
Nicholas Jacob born on 06/30/2009, 9.5lbs and 21 1/4" long
Joshua Scott 5.3lbs & Jonathan Matthew 6.2lbs, born 08/31/10
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR: New job dilemma - need help please (long)
Wow.. isn't it great to be wanted??!!
On a 6-figure income, would your husband even need to work at all? Can he walk away from his current job and stay home with the boys? If he loses his tenure and benefits, is that really all that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Would it be possible for HIM to do his job from home? Thinking non-traditionally here.
Also remember.. the grass is always greener. All that money is great, but think about what you'd be missing out on with your family. What's your priority--money or family?
Offer no. 1 is not realistic since husband cannot move to Tampa.
Offer no. 2 is only 45K - is that correct? Considering the day care cost and taxes you will not have that much left over. In my opinion, it's not worth it.
I would keep looking for something better in Ft. L.
I think I might be the only one to answer this way ---- But, depending on the 6 figureness of the 6 figures, I might consider taking the job in #1, getting a full-time nanny (possibly a night nanny also until the twins are older) and having DH commute on the weekends and take as much time off as he can. Hoping of course that the buy out happens and he can retire early from his position, but knowing that his position would be over in 2 to 3 years and he could join you. This company sounds like there is greater potential over all and for the long haul.
OR - if it's better financially, have all of you move and he loses his tenure and takes another job somewhere else.
I would not take a job that only pays for daycare - but that is just me. Not only would it not put any money in your pocket it might actually do even more harm when it came time to pay your taxes.
ITA. I don't think that would be worth it for you or for your boys. But as attractive as job #1 is, unless you can figure out a way for DH to go with you, I would probably turn it down and keep looking.
But I would also check and find out what your maximum unemployment benefit is. I checked into California's since I will most likely be collecting come January, and was dismayed to find out that the maximum benefit is only $450 per week.
My Blog
In my totally BIASED opinion, I say come to Tampa!
But, in all seriousness - I know this weighs heavily on you mind. I am all about lists - have you mapped out what your home income/expense difference would be for each scenario (you in Tampa/DH in FLL - you both in Tampa - you both in FLL)? I know what the cost of living is down there, and with 3 kids in daycare, you are working just to pay for daycare (and not really good benefits either....).
If DH were to quit early - would your increase in income cover the difference in what he would bring home with a full retirement?
I know the boys are both your #1 priorities. I know DH is willing to move if he gets a buyout, but is he willing to quit and relocate in order to keep the family together? I hate the idea of the family being split, as I know you both do as well.
I know I have more questions than answers....sorry! This is definitely one of those things where I'd be all over making a list - actually, probably more than one list!
I promise you one thing though - if you move to Tampa, we're having a GNO and drinks are on me!
Thank you ladies, I sure appreciate ALL your points of views. I haven't made a list of the pros and the cons yet ( I do those too) as I still have to have a physical interview with Tampa (should have one by next week) and need to clear a few things out. They have pretty much told me that i've been hired based on my phone interview and word of mouth. Instead of daycare for the 3 boys (thanks to your suggestions) I would look more into a nanny or an in-home day care. More expensive, but better for my sanity.
If the local Ft Lauderdale job lets me work from home. I would most likely only put Nicholas in day care and have the twins home with me for at least another 6 months. They are truly no bother at this early age. I've already declined working "in" their office for 45K. There's just no point in that.
Can we live on my income alone? oh definitely and then some. We're not big spenders at all. DH even mentioned he'd be more than happy to be a SAHD for a while until he "gets bored", LOL! We'll just need to make sure the Ft Lauderdale house is rented as selling it at this point is not even an option.
DH does have Friday's off, so if I take the Tampa job, we *could* have long weekends together if need be. He unfortunately cannot work from home as he works in a water plant as a Chief supervisor and he cannot quit his job and move with me, nor would I ever ask him to. He's worked for the City for 27yrs and has built up a tremendous retirement package that would more than double if he stayed just those extra 2-3yrs (or the buyout happens).
Unemployement pays me $250.00 a week, not bad, but i'm not drowning in dollars either.
I guess my point is that i'm sick and tired of having to struggle and at 38, it's about time that I enjoy what other people are enjoying. Freedom from dept and freedom from worry about how the next bill is going to be paid or how will I ever be able to afford that next car, Birthday/Christmas presents for the kids, etc... I am sick and tired of breaking even and not have anything left to put into savings. Yes, of course my family is first and will always come first. This may just be a small, short sacrifice that I have to make to support my family so we can be "more comfortable" later on. My DH is not thrilled about the situation but does understand my point of view and is (so far) very supportive.
I have a lot of thinking to do in a short time. The Ft lauderdale job wants me to start Dec 1st and Tampa doesn't need me until Jan 1st. Thank you ladies for your advice and support.
I have to admit, while it's not optimal for the next few years, and nanny, two homes, etc may make the $$ not as great, long term this sounds like it could be great for you and your family. Especially since you know they want you, the benefits are great etc. Has your husband actually sat down yet with his HR rep and discussed options? Could he work from home, could he work 4 tens and at least be with you in Tampa 3 days a week? Given the opportunity you have, would they consider his buy out early? Plus, you've posted about this position several times so it's obviously something you are very drawn too
Bea, I agree with Noelle. I know how much the guys at #1 respect and like you, so that would be my first choice if you can swing it. Working for someone you love and trust is a very big deal- I will never take that for granted again (long story about current situation we can address later!).
I hope you can swing it- I am in Tampa every couple of months
My DH does actually currently work 4 tens, which is why I'm thinking about this move. We would have a 3 day weekend (sometimes 4) and most likely SKYPE & phone the other days. To be quite honest, since the twins were born (and i'm not working), this is actually the most i've seen him since we met. We've both been such workahoolics in the past that we barely ever saw each other. The only downfall would be dinner (and nookie) of course. LOL!
They won't consider his buyout any early as there are about 25 other men in the city in his current situation. It's just going to be a matter of waiting. Who knows? they might decide to do the buyout in 3 months, or unfortunately in a year.
Oh I hear ya! Trust me I made that mistake as well and it bit me in the arse BIG time! never again! Tampa? Cool, we'll have to have a GNO with Carla!
I am jumping in this late but Bea it sounds like option #1 is the best option now for you and the best option for your family in the long run. As pps said military families go for long periods of time without seeing each other. I have a close friend whose husband is a salesman traveling Monday-Friday and she sees him Friday night-Monday morning.
I can't even imagine what it would be like trying to feed three kids and put them to bed but if you can get help so it is not you doing it alone during the week then I would say go for it!
Oh and for skyping, Matt skypes with my parents and he recognizes them, tries to kiss the computer, waves hello - he totally knows who they are and he hears and reacts to them. So skyping can work!
Honestly neither option is great. So what about looking for a new option altogether? Maybe a job that pays more than 45K but is in Ft Lauderdale and maybe lets you work from home 1 day? I know a bird in hand is worth more but you never know. If I were you I would keep looking. I personally wouldn't put all 3 kids in daycare and take them away from their father. Think about how you'll be dealing with them at night after working all day? You'll feel like a single mom and it will be exhausting physically and emotionally. You will burn out fast unless DH moves with you soon. If you think he's going to move to Tampa in the next 3 months, then I'd say go for it. But if it's going to take longer than that, forget it.
Good luck with whatever you decide!