DH does not want to "try" for a few months

AutumnLeavesFall · November 2010

He mentioned this morning that it would not be cool to get KU and have to take 6-8 weeks off from work in 9 months.

He said " that does not make you look like a very dedicated employee"

I'm sick of having life get in the way of us having a child. In my mind there is always going to be something that will get in the way.

Millions of women do it everyday.. why can't we?

jinx75 · November 2010

In 9 months you'll have been on your job for almost a year right?

RunSchwartzRun · November 2010

I'm sorry, that sucks. I started a new job six months ago and of course was in the middle of TTC and had this same dilemma. My view was that my employer would have to understand what a battle it had been for me to get pregnant, so we only took 1 month off to move and to get ourselves new doctors, etc. I wouldn't change that now.

The only thing you may want to check out is the FMLA policy. I believe in most places you are not eligible until you have worked there for a year. We were willing to take that chance, but you may not be.

GL. I know it is a hard decision.

AutumnLeavesFall · November 2010

I started this position on Nov 1st.

So If ( by the grace of God) I get KU this cycle I could be due in Aug.

jinx75 · November 2010

I don't see why any employer would have an issue with an employee of 9 months taking maternity leave. We have a FH here that just started three weeks ago and she's due at the beginning of Feb?! She'll have been here just at 5 months when she takes her leave. I think you all should keep going for it. I agree with you that there will always be something that gets in the way, life has a way of always getting in the way of our plans. Don't let this new job stop you.

AutumnLeavesFall · November 2010

jinx75:
I don't see why any employer would have an issue with an employee of 9 months taking maternity leave. We have a FH here that just started three weeks ago and she's due at the beginning of Feb?! She'll have been here just at 5 months when she takes her leave. I think you all should keep going for it. I agree with you that there will always be something that gets in the way, life has a way of always getting in the way of our plans. Don't let this new job stop you.

Can I give you DH's phone number and you can tell him that..lol.

I'll seduce him tonight and make my point very clear werenot taking a break. Stick out tongue

AmyRM · November 2010

Hmm. I just can't agree with your DH. There are many ways to prove yourself a dedicated employee in the time you have. It's not the time - it's what you do that counts...I think anyway. Most employers consider family as being rather important - a happy worker is a productive worker, and peace of mind at home plays a big role in that. I would think/hope that if you get pregnant - especially considering your struggle and loss - that they would be quite understanding of that.

The legal/contract stuff, and what sort of leave you would be eligible for is another story that I obviously don't know anything about, but you would have to be secure in some way, no?

I completely don't believe in that "right or wrong time" to have a baby. You just can't predict life that way - and besides, as you said women have been doing this for a long long time, and it does always work out. We always make it work.

I had Hannah alone, at 24, with no career, a useless degree, and a one bedroom apartment. 12 years later, another much more useful degree, 10 years of single parenting, countless jobs and finally a career, ...and look at us now. My kid is awesome, she thinks she has the best life ever.

I remember thinking WTF a million times when expecting her, trying to figure out how I would provide for her and be a good mom....but somehow it all comes together.

MandaS08 · November 2010

The only think I would check is to make sure that you are elegible for leave, and if your company gets paid leave, how long you have to be there to qualify for that. If those are met, then go for it! You are right-there will always be something that keeps the TTC situation not the "ideal" time and I feel like any time an employer hires a woman of child bearing age they run that risk-and really, if you were there 10 months or 12 months-it doesn't really make a difference!

CashewsMommy · November 2010

People do it all the time. But I totally understand how you feel, I felt the same way yesterday. I just know that you guys have been waiting for so long, why put it off even more?

shouldbworkin · November 2010

This was why we put off TTC until last Nov. I had started a job in 1/09 and just didn't think it would be cool to get PG until I'd been there awhile. The thing that worries me the most is if you have a 90 day trial period. they can fire you w/in those 90 days for any reason (not that they couldn't at other times b/c most employment is at will) and it always scared me that they would catch on early and let me go. I turned down another job last Feb partly b/c we were in the middle of TTC and I didn't want to put it on hold.

But, if I got a new job tomorrow, after all I've been through, I don't think I'd wait. I know how painful it is now to sit out for a cycle.

a&b=him&me · November 2010

There is never a good time to have a baby, something will always be going on - you could always have more money saved up. (Thanks mom)

hmm you will have been there for almost a year. I don't see why you can't try now. If he's that worried about it, just limit the time you take off.

Cristine · November 2010

I've done it twice. With both of my successful pregnancies I got KU the first month with the new company. Both companies took it extremely well. No one ever made a big deal out of it. I wasn't eligible for FMLA but I was still able to take the time off and I got short term disability. I think if you're a good employee it doesn't really matter.

By the way, I'm half tempted to find another job since this seems to be the only thing that's worked for me Stick out tongue

jamilynn9 · November 2010

While I get his point, it's not like you'll be taking a vacation or something. You'll be having a baby. Family first, bottom line. Employers need to understand that.

ravenorchid · November 2010

((Hugs)) As others have said, I do not agree with your DH. There's never the perfect time to have a child and your employer is not legally allowed to discriminate against you for getting pregnant. For me (and I'm guessing possibly for you, too) the most important thing right now is for us to start a family. That is my top priority. I think your DH should understand that you don't want to change that plan just because the timing might be inconvenient. You're right that there is always something that can get in the way and it is just not fair that you should have to wait any longer than you already have. I truly hope that you end up getting that BFP and taking off work in 9 mos!

AutumnLeavesFall · November 2010

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your answers.

bryanandkatrina · November 2010

I start my new position Monday, and the timing of it has absolutely no barring on our TTC plan at this point.

Legally, there's nothing your job can do about it anyway.

And I agree with PPs, there are a million and one other ways to "prove yourself" as a good employee. If anything, juggling a family and your job successfully would be what would prove you to be a good employee.

Abby7 · November 2010

My guess is that your DH has other reasons...wanting your wife to appear to be a good employee is *not* a reason to not TTC. Employers understand - their employees have families and lives and, unless you are a doctor or some other field where your life is dedicated to your profession, family comes first every time.

ColleenS629 · November 2010

I think work should understand. You guys have been working too hard for too long at TTC to let this interfere IMO. I hope you two get this figured out!

itsmegin · November 2010

I wouldn't wait. DH has a point, but the fact is that a company hiring any woman of childbearing age takes into consideration that she may get pregnant at any time or already be pregnant. And legally they cannot hold it against you, right? I guess the only consideration is your insurance and maternity leave policies and when you'll qualify.

Hunter22 · November 2010

*Warning - DS/Prior pregnancy mentioned*

I got pregnant accidentally 4 weeks after starting my current project and by the time I was nine months it felt like I was there a lot longer. You become a solid contributor in most jobs by the second month of employment so by month 9 you are an old hat and people see you as a seasoned veteran. I took 12 weeks off and returned with absolutely no problem. I put off trying for this one because I was (foolishly) trying to time it so I would have a spring baby with the summer off. I got pregnant right away and lost it 9 weeks later. Now I wish I had started sooner and didn't give a damn about timing, I just wish I was having a baby next year. Don't plan a baby around something like a job. As a previous poster mentioned, it all ends up working itself out.

luckymrs. · November 2010

I understand his concern, but definitely wouldn't put off trying for that reason. Do you think maybe he's wanting to take a TTC break for some other reason?

I'm job-searching now and think I may be getting an offer in the next two business days (from final interview I had yesterday). IF this happens, I would probably start at the beginning of December. With this cycle we're TTC for an August baby. I have concerns about the timing, not being eligible for FMLA, etc., but will not let these hold me/us back from our main priority of adding to our family.

IF I get this job, hopefully I'll have been able to prove my worth in whatever time I'm there before going on maternity leave.

GL!!

jertie · November 2010

I can see where he's coming from and I remember doing this a year ago when we were trying to decide when to start TTC (scheduling the best time to have a baby). But ever since we lost Ace our priorities have shifted dramatically. Work is now what we do to pay the bills - it doesn not infringe on life, because we can always get another job, we cannot relive our life once it's over. It's really idealistic, but we're both now trying to live life without regrets and living for the moment. While I want to excel at what I do for a living, I would rather be fired for having a baby than putting off my dreams so that my employer would view me as a dedicated employee.

CakesABake · November 2010

I understand both sides really. Right now I am unemployed....and I am applying for jobs left and right. I feel that I really want to get pregnant as soon as we can but I would like to find a job and get settled in...you have to work for a company for a year before getting FMLA leave (I would like to use a little of it) also it would just be nice to be on the job long enough to "prove" yourself to the employer. It is just annoying cause why should we have to wait to start our family? Especially after a loss? SMH it feels like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. UGH

pennynjon · November 2010

I was worried about that too. I just started at my job in October. But, I have decided to try and pray that everything will work out. I am not going to put trying on hold because of what people will think of me at work. I really don't think they wouldn't hold my job for me. I hope your DH has a change of heart.