I am upset with myself

mikeandangie · November 2010

I keep having all these thoughts that it hasn't worked. I am only 3 days post 3dt and other than meds side effects, I am not feeling that anything is going on. I also have great difficulty seeing myself as a mother (which I always had actually). I am upset that I am doing this to myself and that I can't allow myself to be hopeful even briefly. And rationally, I know this is only our second attempt, and so many of you have gone through so much already. I just can't shake this feeling of doom and gloom. I hate that IF has turned me into this person and I wonder if I'll ever be optimistic about anything in my life again. Ok, deep breath. Thanks for letting me whine. Maybe some retail therapy would be in order:)

lyse2143 · November 2010

Oh sweetie. I went through that too. Mine was a few days later, but I'm beginning to think that all of us have some sort of meltdown in the 2ww. And why wouldn't we? This is HARD! We go through enough what we can't do is beat ourselves up about how we're feeling. You cannot control how you feel so vent, cry, scream, do whatever you need to do to get it all out. You need to know its OK to be worried, its OK to be scared, and its OK to be upset. Just try to breathe.

cogbot · November 2010

Don't feel bad about feeling negative. IF sucks more so freaking much!!! Its perfectly OK to feel frustrated. I feel like everyone around me is hopeful and I just know its never going to happen for me. So I say you should run around kicking and screaming, be pissed at the world, and then go buy something pretty

It will be well deserved.

vanessagorc · November 2010

I hope it's ok i respond.

I felt the same way. I was in the 2ww, and i was contacting other clinics to see if i would cycle again at my own RE...or switch. Clearly i was not picturing myself pregnant.

I truly believe that being positive is great...but has no effect on outcome. If it did, i would have been KU-ed a yr ago....and certainly NOT now.

Good luck!

scooterq · November 2010

Oh sweetie, don't beat yourself up. I think a lot of us deal with some negative thoughts throughout our cycles. I know I did, at several different points throughout my cycle. It was truly like a rollercoaster and my thought pattern would change from negative to positive and back again from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. I know for me, having never ever seen anything except BFN, it's so incredibly different to imagine ever seeing anything other than a BFN.

Definitely take advantage of some retail therapy! That always helps me

DeputiesWife · November 2010

you are NOT alone. Yes. You will be optimistic. I promise. You are right. deep breaths. I have dark days a few times a month, I try my hardest to focus on the positive, focus on what I do have and be thankful for that. On those days, however, IF overshadows and makes me a bitter, angry person.

Retail therapy sounds delightful. i am online shopping for myself!

Faith722 · November 2010

Don't be upset with yourself. If anyone knew the wide range of thoughts and emotions I've had in the past week, they'd probably commit me. lol. I think for me it's kind of like a defense mechanism. If I convince myself it didn't work, then I won't be as upset when it doesn't work. Then I feel guilty, like I'm giving up on the embies too soon. This is a serious emotional roller coaster! I hope you feel better soon. And I hope we're both celebrating BFP's soon, too!

sed722 · November 2010

I think we keep hope at bay, because we get so tired of being hurt. Mabey if we see the punch comming it won't sting as bad.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisom to know the difference.

ej708 · November 2010

(((Hugs))). You're allowed to feel however you feel. Let us be positive for you if you can't right now

erinandbrockv · November 2010

vanessagorc:

I truly believe that being positive is great...but has no effect on outcome. If it did, i would have been KU-ed a yr ago....and certainly NOT now.

This! Both times I could not picture myself pregnant. Even now I just can not imagine myself ever being pregnant. That scares the crap out of me, but I KNOW that that does not mean it will not happen. I think that "just think positive" is a bunch of BS! This is so hard-but try to hang in there. I really hope this is it for you!

labbylover03 · November 2010

Oh hon, I'm right there with you! The closer it gets to my beta, the more these negative thoughts keep creeping in. My DH actually asked me this morning about my gut feeling....and all I could say was "depends on what time of day you ask me." I seriously change emotions like every minute! IF takes such a toll on us that we never let ourselves get too optimistic about it actually working. ((hugs)) for your rough day!

etoyama · November 2010

Big ((hugs)). Please try not to beat yourself up. What you are feeling is so normal. So, so normal. I can't identify with everything you said. Sometimes I worry that because i can't picture it happening, it never will. But that's simply not true. That's not the way science works! Im so sorry you're having a rough day. I also ink you should buy yourself something pretty

mikeandangie · November 2010

Thank you, ladies. You can always make me feel better. So glad to hear I am not insane with my mood swings and that my premonitions are really not premonitions

. I did a bit of shopping too, so that really put me on an upswing Wink

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