Does this make me crazy?

camdenfaithful · November 2010

Because of my loss, and several other things going on in my life, I made the decision to go to a counselor. After the first session I felt great. I was surprised at how much better I felt after just one visit, but was starting to feel really hopeful and almost excited. It helped a lot to just talk to someone who would just listen and not be emotionally attached to what I was saying. I struggled with going in in the first place, and after that session, I knew I made the right decision.

I went in for my second session on Monday and I noticed something that I'm not really sure how I missed the the week before; my counselor is pregnant. She mentioned it at the beginning of the session and asked if I would be ok to continue. I said I was ok with it, because honestly I thought I was. I asked her how far along she was and she's due right around the time I would have been. Awesome. I'm still not sure why she didn't mention it right away when I called because I was clear that one of the main reasons I was coming in was because I had a miscarriage.

When I got home from my second session I didn't have that same hopeful feeling that I did the week before. I understand that not all counseling sessions are going to be uplifting and make all my problems go away, but my mood was really sour. So much so, that DH asked me if I was ok and I explained to him about the counselor being pregnant.

Today I sent an email to the office telling them that I was unable to continue the sessions with the counselor because of her pregnancy. Does this make me crazy?? I'm also trying not to get peeved and not think about how someone could be so inconsiderate (not sure if that's the right word??) and match someone who was coming in because of pregnancy loss up with someone who is pregnant. That's kind of crappy right???

ravenorchid · November 2010

That does not make you crazy at all. Personally, I couldn't deal with that. I've been seeing a grief counselor and since one of the things I talk about is dealing with the pregnancies of others, I would be extremely uncomfortable if she was pregnant. I hope you can find someone else. I've found my sessions to be very helpful.

inlovewithB · November 2010

I don't think this makes you crazy at all!! If you are going to take your time (and money) to seek a counselor you have every right to have one that is not having a baby right around your EDD. It is appalling that she would accept you as a patient.

smallfry5909 · November 2010

No way, that doesn't make you crazy at all! In fact, I think it would make it worse! That's like going to see a counselor because you're an obsessive eater, and having them slam a large pizza right in front of you, IMO.

No, I would have made the same decision. I hope you can find another counselor/practice that you can talk to.

bryanandkatrina · November 2010

It absolutely does not make you crazy in the slightest!

The counseling relationship is an extremely delicate one and if there is something preventing that relationship from being fully functioning, then the counseling is never really going to work. I am sure that even the counselor will understand and agree with your decision to switch practitioners 100%. That is a major part of the profession - knowing when a conflict of interest is going to get in the way of the real goal at hand, helping the patient.

As far as why she took you on as a patient in the first place (and I am not sure what methodology she prescribes to), she may believe that having her patients face and confront the issues they're dealing with is the best way for them to move forward. I'm not saying it was right for her not to give you that option as the patient, but it's just a thought as to what she may have been trying to do.

I hope that you are able to find someone who works for you.

Rawr08 · November 2010

I don't think it makes you crazy - I think it is a very valid concern. I hope you can find a new counselor who will help you through this hard time.

martinimomma · November 2010

The only "right" way to feel is how you feel -- You have to do what is best for you to be productive in therapy. I would also have trouble working through my loss issues with a woman who was pregnant at the time. Talk about distraction.

My two cents - matching you with her was a total therapeutic FAIL by the counseling center/therapy practice.

jinx75 · November 2010

That doesn't make you crazy! Honestly I'd be furious if I was seeing a counselor for a m/c and she dropped the bomb that she was pregnant, it's inconsiderate of her. I certainly hope that you don't stop seeking a counselor that is a fit for you though, it really is so helpful to have that independent 3rd party.

jertie · November 2010

If that makes you crazy, then they would need to put me away for sure. I don't blame you a bit for wanting a new counselor. As pp mentioned, it's about your comfort level. Some people might be okay with that - others not so much. I know that I can barely stand to be in the same room with a pregnant person, much less talk to her for an hour about my loss. (I would be too worried about if I was making her uncomfortable to be completely open - not to mention extremely jealous/resentful of her.) I hope that you can find someone else really soon and get that hopeful feeling back.

pennynjon · November 2010

No, that doesn't make you crazy at all. That would be difficult. I went to my first counseling session last week. I didn't agree with some of the things the counselor told me, so made an appt with a different one. Hope you can find one that is right for you.

LilMaggs · November 2010

Definitely not crazy. You have every right to be comfortable and at ease during your sessions. Her being pg is a definite reason to be uncomfortable, especially if she's never had a loss herself.

Shaka114 · November 2010

If that makes you crazy then I am completely batty!! I wouldn't be comfortable with a pg counselor either. I really hope this won't discourage you from seeking another counselor because it sounds like the first session really helped! I hope you can find someone great to work with!

shanna82 · November 2010

You are not crazy.

I would think that they should definitely told you when you called and told them about your miscarriage, that they should have told you she was pg at that point and then you could have decided if you wanted to continue.

I'm sorry and I hope you find someone else soon!

camdenfaithful · November 2010

Sorry this turned into a post and run but I just wanted to say thanks ladies.

The more I thought about it, I really think I made the right decision. And I don't think it bothered me that she was pregnant. In general pregnant women don't bother me, but the fact that she's due right around when I would have been would have just been a weekly reminder of what I lost when the whole reason I was there was to help me move past all of that. Plus (and I think a pp mentioned this) I would have a tough time being totally honest about my fears for an upcoming pregnancy with someone who is pregnant. It's not fair to me, but also it's kind of unfair to her as well.

I emailed the office explaining why I was canceling and just got a generic response so I don't know if they'll refer me to someone else in the practice. I will probably call after the holidays and try and get in with someone else because the place is within walking distance to my house.

Thanks again. You guys rock!

Does this make me crazy?

Re: Does this make me crazy?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards