Labor? Psh! EASY! (A Novel)

This is way late, but I just found this board and thought I could share my experience.

Ever since I found out what an epidural was, I knew that was going to go that route during labor.  And I am SO glad I did.

I had started my maternity leave the first week of July.  I was SOOO glad to be done with work (for the time being, anyway).  I had been ready to have this baby for WEEKS.  I was getting so uncomfortable.  It had already been shaping up to be a HOT and humid summer.  During the week and a half I had before the baby arrived, I was out at my mom's, laying in the pool nearly every day.  That was my only relief.  The time seemed to drag on SO slowly.

I went in to see my doctor on Wednesday, the day after my due date.  I was hoping I was ready to go into labor, and that he'd send me right across the street to the hospital.  Not the case.  I was so disappointed.  I think the doctor knew how exhausted I was.  He called the hospital and scheduled an induction first thing Monday morning.  I know it was only a few more days, but I was so upset.  And on top of that, my doctor was going on what seemed to be his 87th vacation during my pregnancy, so it was then I found out he probably wouldn't be there for the delivery.

Thursday morning, I woke up at 4:30, which had been the norm for me for quite a while.  Since I was wide awake, I decided to go lay on the couch and watch the morning news.  I had only been sitting there for maybe 5 minutes, and suddenly I felt this dull pain in my lower back.  And I knew that "today is the day!"  I was secretly so excited I wanted to wake up my husband, but I decided to let him sleep.  When he finally woke up for work, I found myself too nervous to tell him!  It was the strangest thing.  Finally, as he was coming to tell me "good bye", I nonchalantly said "I think we might be going to the hospital today."  Within that split second, his attitude changed, and he immediately became nervous and worried.  He asked if I wanted him to stay home, but since had been working close to home for the past few weeks, I told him not to worry, and I'd call him and keep him posted.

I timed my contractions from the beginning.  They started out pretty far apart, anywhere from 20 minutes to 30 minutes.  At that point, they weren't very bothersome.  I called my mom to let her know, and she said she was going to come over and sit with me.  This seemed like a good idea throughout my whole pregnancy, but for whatever reason, I wanted nothing more than to be left alone.  I think she was a little offended, but to be honest, I didn't really care at that point.  Around 9:30 or 10:00(am), I decided to give my doctor's office a call, and let them know I was in labor.  The nurse said to wait until contractions were consistantly 5 minutes apart for one hour, then go to the hospital.

So I waited... and waited... the contractions were getting closer together, but still pretty inconsistent.  It wasn't until about 1:00pm that the contractions actually started to make me uncomfortable.  I called my husband and asked him to come home.  Contractions still weren't close enough to go to the hospital, but I felt it was time for him to be there and help me out.  Instead of moving around like I had been instructed, I wanted nothing more than to lay in my big comfy bed and watch TV.  So that's what I did.  I was able to take a little cat nap.  When my husband arrived shortly after, he was a frantic mess!  He could not sit still to save his life.  He was going around the house like a maniac doing I-don't-know-what.

The back pain was slowly getting worse with each contraction, and my husband kept asking if I wanted to go to the hospital.  I wanted to wait it out at home for as long as I could.  I had this "fear" of getting to the hospital and being sent back home.  I would've been so annoyed.

Finally, around 3:30pm, I told my husband it was time to go.  He had already packed up the car, so we were on the road within moments.  It was literally one of the hottest days of the summer.  I had been sitting in the AC all day, so when I walked outside, I felt like I could barely breath.  The air felt thick and clammy.  I remember walking to the car and thinking "The next time I come home, I will have a baby with me."  I was SUPER excited, but at the same time, a little sad.  It was no longer going to be "just the two of us", and I think for a minute, that scared the crap out of me.

We only live about 5 minutes from the hospital, so we were there in no time.  A man at the emergency entrance asked if I needed a wheelchair, but I still felt pretty good, so I was able to walk.  I had never been through this before, and as we were walking in to the crowded E.R., I thought "Oh my God, do I have to wait behind all these people?!"  Seems silly now. LOL.  Right away, they led us to a big labor and delivery room.  I had not taken the "hospital tour", so I was impressed with how spacious and comfortable the room was.

I immediately put on a gown, but felt so gross with the draft on my butt, the nurse showed me how to "double-up" with the gowns.  Much better.  Haha.  I told the nurse I was worried they were going to send me home, and that I was going through "false labor"... but he assured me that since I was already past my due date, they would more than likely admit me, regardless.  Luckily, I was far enough along to stay.  PHEW!  After they made the decision, they wheeled me up to the labor and delivery floor.  Again, I was in a huge, comfy room, with a couch and a few chairs, and a full bathroom.  Almost immediately after getting into the second room, the contractions really started hurting.  They didn't last very long, but they hurt and I made sure to apologize to the nurses in advance for any foul language they would probably hear.  They laughed and said not to worry about it.

A nurse had asked me if I wanted an epidural, and I said "most definitely".  She let me know I could request it at any time.  At that point, the pain was "tolerable" so I told her I would like to wait as long as I could (mistake #1).

We started calling the immediate family to let them know we were at the hospital (mistake #2), and were staying.  Throughout my WHOOOLE pregnancy, I just "knew" my in-laws, mainly MIL, were going to bombard us in the hospital and annoy the crap out of me.  To my surprise, they were VERY respectful and asked us when we would like them to come up.  Since I was still having pretty intense labor pains, I asked if they could wait until AFTER I had the epidural.  I asked the same thing of my mom.  My patience was starting to wear thin, and I didn't want anyone near me except my husband and the hospital staff.  Around 6:00pm, I requested the epidural.  The nurses said the anesthesiologist would probably come in around 7:00pm.  My husband called my mom to let her know... and said we'd call her back as soon as I had the epidural, so they could come up.  Literally 15 minutes later, there is a knock on my door. I look over, expecting to see the doctor or one of the nurses... NOPE.  It's my mom and my little brother and sister.  Ughhhh.  My blood pressure must've went through the roof.  I was SO angry with her for going against my wishes. I wanted to scream at her, but I TRIED to keep my composure.  I calmly asked "Why didn't you wait until AFTER my epidural?" and she sort of looked at me like "How dare you."  I was disgusted with my own mom at that moment.  Not what I had expected at all.  We are pretty close, and I wanted her there for the delivery, but I just didn't feel like having a circus in my room, watching me go through this pain.

Moving on.  A nurse came in to put in an IV prior to the epidural.  Apparently, she was having a hard time, because she had to go find the head nurse to do it.  Even SHE had a hard time and had to switch over to my right hand, instead of the left.  I will say that I am really good with needles, but this was the worst poking ever!! I was very relieved when they finally finished up.

We had been told I'd have the epidural at 7:00pm.  7 rolls around, and nothing.  Then 7:10... 7:20... I was watching the clock every second.  And starting to get mad.  The pain was steadily increasing and I was becoming impatient.  The anesthesiologist finally came in around 7:40.  I remember he was very tall and very handsome.  I wasn't really nervous for the epidural, he made me feel very calm and comfortable.  My husband and my mom were in the room while this was going on.  I saw the faces they were making and it made me laugh.  The epidural was in and all set within moments.  It was a BREEZE.  I still say it was MUCH easier than the IV in my hand (with which I still have problems with...).

I was in immediate relief.  I felt SO relaxed.  My mom kept saying I was a "whimp"... because she pushed out five kids the old-fashioned way.  I remember saying to her "You are a fool."  I wondered why anyone would NOT want to go the epidural route.  It made the rest of my labor & delivery SO much more enjoyable.  My brothers and sisters came in, along with my IL's.  We just had a fun time talking about the baby and being anxious together.

After that, it was a waiting game.  The nurses told me to get some rest, but my mom kept making the most annoying noises... flipping loudly through a magazine... "whispering" to my husband (her whisper is a loud talk)... coughing... I was so irritated.  One of the nurses noticed and asked if I'd like her to ask my mom to wait in the waiting room. I felt really bad, but I also felt this was my one last chance to be alone with my husband.  The nurse gave my mom the boot, and off she went, pouting, to the waiting room.  I started feeling some of the pains again, so they added more medication to the IV, and within seconds, I was good to go.  I was progressing fairly slow, so the doctor came in to break my water.  I don't really recall the time, but it must've been pretty late.  Not long after, a nurse came in to check me and said "You're at 10.  It's time to push!"  She went to let the doctor know.  All of the sudden, I was petrified.  My brothers and sisters and IL's had all went home, so my husband called them to come back up to the hospital.  This was around 1 in the morning.  My mom came in the room for the delivery (mistake #3).  I was glad to have her there, but didn't appreciate some of her stupid comments.  She kept telling my husband "Get down here and look!" and just embarassing him in general.  Other than that, delivery went GREAT.  The first thing I remember was my mom saying "Oh my God, look at all her hair!"  The heartburn old-wives-tale had been true for me, I guess.  Total, I pushed for about 45 minutes, but I seriously thought it was only 10.  I had asked the nurse how long I had pushed, and was surprised by her answer.  LO was born at 2:40am, Friday.  The doctor (who was the on-call doctor from my office, but not MY doctor) was AWESOME.  He was such a friendly guy and made the whole delivery enjoyable.  Although looking back, I wonder why they are even there.  The nurses did most of the work!  And I could not have asked for better nurses.

After the baby was delivered, I was able to hold her for a minute before they took her away for all her tests.  She was such a pretty baby.  And yes, I'm sure EVERYONE says that about their child, but she was amazing.  She wasn't one of those scary babies... she was just a flat out PRETTY baby.  Her eyes were wide open from the start.  After that initial cry, she was very calm and peaceful.  Thank God.

The rest of the family was able to come in and see her before they went home for the night.  We jokingly said they were the paparazzi, there was about 7 people in there all snapping photos.

After everyone left the room, the nurse asked if I wanted to start breastfeeding right away. I said "sure".(Mistake #4)  I secretly did not want to breastfeed, but felt I should at least give it an honest try before just "giving up".  I was terrible at it from the start.  I tried and tried, but never really could get the hang of it.  (I later stopped breastfeeding my LO when she was about 4 weeks old).

After I "breastfed", if that's what you want to call it, we were moved up to a MUCH, MUCH smaller room on the maternity floor. I was really disappointed.  I guess I was naive in thinking I would remain in that nice room for the rest of my hospital stay.  I could kick my self in the butt for not doing more research beforehand (mistake #5).  I only did the "online" tour, and nowhere does it say that "you will be transported to a jail cell-like room following your delivery".  I had asked my husband if there was a shower in the bathroom, and he said "yes"... he must've been pretty tired, because when I went to use the bathroom for the first time, there was no bath or shower to be found.  "Great", I thought, "This is going to be the dirtiest, nastiest few days."  Imagine not showering during "that time of the month"... x's 9857348.  Gross.  After all was said and done, I should have asked if there was a room available with a shower. (Mistake #6).

The baby stayed in the nursery for the first night, which was really only a few hours.  I was wide awake and ready to cuddle at 7am.  She was such an "easy" baby.  Which was good for my situation, because I was so nervous about everything.  The nurses on the maternity floor were all very caring, but I felt "stupid".  They did a great job helping me "ease into" the new mom thing.

The Breast Feeding Nazi came in later that morning, to educate me on breastfeeding, make me feel bad, and to just be a B in general.  I remember she had noticed the pacifier one of the delivery nurses gave the baby (with my permission) and she about had a heart attack.  I don't know if all "lactation consultants" all this way, but I hope I run into her again next time I have a child........ It will be much different.

The rest of the hospital stay was okay.  I couldn't get around very easily by myself until late Friday night... My right leg was still completely numb from the epidural.  I had to wear a bright yellow bracelet that labeled me a "FALL RISK", which I thought was funny... "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!"  Maybe that is why they didn't care if I bathed or not... that seriously still makes me mad. LOL  I felt SO dirty and gross.  Here I had all these visitors in this little box of a room, and I'm in the middle, sweating like a pig and probably smelling like an old tampon. (Sorry, that's how I seriously felt).

We didn't HAVE to go home until Sunday, but since everything went smoothly and the baby was healthy as a horse, we were able to get an early discharge.  We finally left the hospital around noon on Saturday. It seemed like I had been there FOREVER.  It was another HOT, humid day.  It felt good to get home into the AC.  First thing I did was take the longest shower of my life.  What a relief!

I guess I'll wrap this up.  All in all, my labor & delivery was AMAZING.  The hospital staff was great (with the exception of the BF Nazi).  It's funny how just after one baby, I have learned sooo many things I will know for next time. I feel insanely lucky and blessed to have had such an "easy" experience, I can only HOPE the next one will be half as enjoyable!