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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Re: post yesterday about how I haven't had more than a 4 hour stretch of sleep...
First, thanks for all the comments letting me know I'm not the only one! GL to all of you as well!
Next, I knew many would mention CIO or "sleep training" and truly, I'm not looking to start a debate, but I obviously am uninterested in CIO....and I'll tell you why.
CIO, or "sleep training" seems completely and totally unnatural to what my maternal instincts tell me. The innate mothering reflex tells me to go to my child when he wakes up in the night, in the dark, alone in his crib, crying. I'm not talking about a little fuss, but when he wakes up, and I know it's mostly that he realizes he's alone in his crib and wants to be next to me, NOT going to him would be to deny the natural inclination that is within me.
Also, I question the popular use of the invented concept "self-soothing". To me, it seems that babies that go through CIO are basically just left to figure something out. They yearn for mom over and over just to be denied and find some inanimate object to suffice. In thinking about BABIES, that just seems again, very unnatural.
Thing is, all of this parenting advice for sleep, feeding, development, etc...is all very trendy and constantly changing. In the 60's they told moms NOT to breastfeed because formula had vitamins in it that breastmilk didn't. They also told moms not to pick up the baby too often...to treat them like little adults.
In the end, I just have to go what feels natural. I didn't write that other post for a pity-party, I was just having a moment. I'll sleep when I die.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Re: post yesterday about how I haven't had more than a 4 hour stretch of sleep...
I see where you are coming from ... it makes me sad to think of my little baby asleep, all by himself, in the room down the hall while me and DH get to snuggle up together. So if LO wakes and is inconsolable, we bring him in with us. Because snuggling is fun! haha. The being said, I wish he STTN!!!!
I agree. I simply could NOT sleep train either. I think I did it one night....and Georgia ended up getting so worked up that she threw up. NEVER AGAIN.
From about 3.5 months to 10 months....Georgia was waking every THREE hours, like clockwork.
But, I felt like she was crying for a reason....and she needed me, and I needed to be there for her....so I nursed her back to sleep every time. The thought of her crying herself to sleep, or crying until she simply gave up broke my heart.
For the past month-ish, she is now down to one middle of the night waking.
I figure she had to start sleeping longer eventually, and she did.
It was rough, but I would do it again in a minute.
((((( hugs )))))
It will get better, it always does :-)
I'm conflicted here. I've vented before on this board and just wanted to vent in a moment of weakness. On the other hand, I want to roll my eyes at this entire "re" post. So, OP, while I understand your vent and yes, you have every right to get on here in your moment of weakness and share your frustrations, please....skip the generalized parenting philosophies. When you post things like "babies who CIO are left to figure something out," you most certainly are trying to start a debate.
I know I should just leave this be.....but I don't think this comment is necessarily a "generalized parenting philosophy" at all...
Babies who CIO ARE figuring something out.....several things, in fact....
I agree with you on your views of CIO, and i read your post from last night. I think everyone was just trying to help you out since you seemed like you were desperate and at your wits end. This post this morning feels like you're judging them, and i'm not sure i'd go that route when they were just trying to share their experiences and help you.
Anyway, good luck, and i hope the sleeping situation improves for you.
No, you are wrong, I honestly am not (trying to start anything). Believe me, I have not the energy for such a ridiculous endeavor and I totally respect everyone's opinion. That said, I do feel like babies that CIO are left to figure something out- how else can you explain it?
Just simply stating my opinion and thoughts. And, it's not a "generalized parenting philosophy". I recently went to a very interesting presentation (by a licensed child therapist) who talked about her fascinating, science-backed, theories about development in the first year of life...so I have a lot of things that I'm thinking about in regards to it all.
Really, I know it's an edgy subject (CIO) but can't we all talk about it as mothers and not "sides"? Thanks.
sorry....I think I posted b4 I was done...
today I was just saying why I don't do CIO. No judgements- it's just such a touchy subject that it always gets misconstrued. That is all.
Also, I question the popular use of the invented concept "self-soothing". To me, it seems that babies that go through CIO are basically just left to figure something out. They yearn for mom over and over just to be denied and find some inanimate object to suffice. In thinking about BABIES, that just seems again, very unnatural.
Yes. We can talk about this as mothers. Just please be aware that your above paragraph is going to spark debate on this board, be it intentional or unintentional. Knowing the temperment of TB like I do, what you wrote is going to be offensive to some. Again, you may not have meant it that way, and I can sympathize with that. I'm guilty of writing several "opinions" that have been offensive to others.
You are right about needing to do what feels natural to you. I hope your child starts to STTN soon for you.
I've read bits and pieces and I have friends that have used that so I know the jist of it and I agree there are good suggesstions for sure!
Thanks and GL to you on your journey to a good night's sleep!
I have to agree with you.
Welp, seeing as how many of the responses were suggesting sleep training techniques, it was NOT "obvious that you're uninterested in CIO."
Still, even if you are opposed to CIO, you could still benefit from reading the books that were brought up - particularly ones that have long discussions on sleep cycles and normal/abnormal sleep patterns - for example, Ferber's book is largely a book on sleep. One chapter of, what? 12? 14? chapters deals with progressive waiting techniques. Knowing the basics of the science behind why and when wakings occur can help you stop night wakings on the front end, before they even get worked up.
My DD used to wake up every hour or 2 all. night. long. What saved me is that DH is now able to take half of the wakings. She used to not let anyone but me put her back to sleep, but now she'll fall asleep with him rocking her. Is your DH able to help? Also, maybe you can try some other things like adjusting the temperature of the room, maybe doing a fresh diaper halfway through the night? Also, sometimes i'll wait a minute or 2 before going in, and she'll fall back asleep on her own. I don't see that as CIO, because if it escalates, i go in right away. Anyway, some of these things have helped me.... Some nights, she only wakes once or twice (and it's heaven!)
Those are good, I'll keep those in mind for sure.
As for the H, he needs to be rested for his 9-5, so I just take it on....
Thanks and BTW- I've seen your posts a lot and thought that your baby looks SO much like mine. If I wasn't such a tech-tard, I'd get a pic up put I don't want to take the time to figure it out......
Really? You must have a super cute kid then!
Putting up pics isn't too hard. Upload a pic into a website like photobucket.com or tinypic.com and copy and paste the link into your siggy. It took me a while to figure it out, though....I'll admit. Putting pictures in posts is a lot easier for me for some reason.
Really? You must have a super cute kid then!
Putting up pics isn't too hard. Upload a pic into a website like photobucket.com or tinypic.com and copy and paste the link into your siggy. It took me a while to figure it out, though....I'll admit. Putting pictures in posts is a lot easier for me for some reason.
My innate mothering reflux must be acting up again. Where can I get that thing fixed?
Seriously though, I see what you are saying and I used to think it too, but then my son started refusing to sleep in his crib. He wanted to be with me all the time. He would sleep with us in bed and wake up about 20 times at night still. He woke up angry and overtired every morning and so did I. I couldn't do my homework during his naps because he wanted me to hold him and God forbid I try to read while doing that. So guess what...we let him cry. It took 3 nights of crying less than 30 minutes. He now sleeps in his crib for 11-12 hours a night and for an hour nap. He wakes up happy and is happy throughout the day. He is eating better and has just blossomed into a totally different child.
If you want my opinion (which I'm sure you don't), I think sometimes we are doing a disservice to our kids when we do everything they want. I mean he wants to eat bunny crackers all day. It's not healthy. He wanted to sleep with us all night. Overall, it was unhealthy for all of us.
Just wanted to give you a different perspective to think about when you speak as if you are above others by not letting your baby CIO.
I don't understand why it's ok to say "You need to sleep train" or "If you let your baby CIO, they'd sleep better," but if a mother says "I'm against CIO because it goes against my mothering instincts" everyone gets all pissy and out come the "get off your high horse!" and "how dare you police my choices!" comments.
Exactly.