CP: Do you keep track...

inlovewithB · November 2010

[Poll]

lorlei13 · November 2010

Forgot the Special Snowflake option. Wink

My loss was so long ago obviously I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. But I did think about where I would have been. Now I just think about the age my child "should" be.

inlovewithB · November 2010

lorlei13:
Forgot the Special Snowflake option.
My loss was so long ago obviously I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. But I did think about where I would have been. Now I just think about the age my child "should" be.

I knew I would forget something. Do you know if it is ok to "edit" the poll, or will it mess up the results? (that was pretty closed minded of me not to include those whose EDD's have already passed)

inlovewithB · November 2010

Options were edited!

BabyTrippin · November 2010

Everyone has different coping skills. What I said yesterday wasn't meant to hurt you. I'm sorry if I did. For me, it is a little different too. My SIL was due 3 days after I was and we worked together. I saw multiple times a week exactly where I should have been. Now I see what I should have often. She got everything I've always dreamed of. A perfect little boy and she's a SAHM. For me to dwell on that is only hurting me. I had to let that thinking go or I wouldn't ever feel happy.

I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel or what to think in the least. I was just sharing what helps me. For me, it is kind of like that old joke. "It hurts when I do that." "Well quit doing that!" I needed to let my wound heal in peace so I had to quit sticking things in it. If you feel like you're forgetting your child or dishonoring him/her by not knowing you'd be 23w3d today, that is something only you can work through. Just know that, in my eyes at least, you wouldn't be. Your baby knows without a doubt that you loved him/her.

inlovewithB · November 2010

BabyTrippin:
Everyone has different coping skills. What I said yesterday wasn't meant to hurt you. I'm sorry if I did. For me, it is a little different too. My SIL was due 3 days after I was and we worked together. I saw multiple times a week exactly where I should have been. Now I see what I should have often. She got everything I've always dreamed of. A perfect little boy and she's a SAHM. For me to dwell on that is only hurting me. I had to let that thinking go or I wouldn't ever feel happy.
I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel or what to think in the least. I was just sharing what helps me. For me, it is kind of like that old joke. "It hurts when I do that." "Well quit doing that!" I needed to let my wound heal in peace so I had to quit sticking things in it. If you feel like you're forgetting your child or dishonoring him/her by not knowing you'd be 23w3d today, that is something only you can work through. Just know that, in my eyes at least, you wouldn't be. Your baby knows without a doubt that you loved him/her.

Hey, I wasn't hurt by what you said yesterday. I was just a little surprised. It seemed like everyone on this board was always posting about "where they should have been" and I never really considered "blocking those thoughts". I am very interested in what others are doing to cope, and I very much appreciate your insight. I think you are incredibly strong to be able to "quit thinking that way" considering that you have SIL and nephew as a reminder. I am going to work on changing my attitude. Thanks for sharing (honestly).

tctibbe · November 2010

I missed the post yesterday but after going to therapy for a while, I realized how unhealthy it is to constantly think about where I would be. I got rid of all reminders, cleared all my Apps that had my due date in it and now just focus on the future. We never forget, but dwelling isn't good either. Hope you are able to let go of the pain soon.

JulsW · November 2010

I got rid of my planner that had how far I would be weekly and bought a new one. I actually just put the old planner in the box with the paper work and u/s stuff from losing the baby. But I don't keep it in front of me to be a constant reminder. That helped tremendously. Sorry you are having a rough time with it and I hope it gets better for you day by day.

camdenfaithful · November 2010

I think about it every day but I try so hard not to. It's also really hard not to imagine where I should be because I have a few friends who are due right around the time I would have been. As much as I try and get what happened out of my head, it's almost impossible most days.

Kira98 · November 2010

Trust me, initially I did keep track. For me, hanging onto that felt like I was just hurting myself even more. I just can't spend all my time thinking about what I should have and don't.

It has been nearly four months since my loss, and I feel like I am just now getting to a somewhat healthier place. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out, I still cry often, I still have some really bad days, and I still miss my baby. I think I will feel this for the rest of my life, but I don't wallow in it all the time anymore. (Of course I am writing this on a good day, I may eat my words another day.) You are less than two months out from your loss. I think you will find yourself able to cope better in time. (Hugs)

Gummybear · November 2010

BabyTrippin:

Everyone has different coping skills. What I said yesterday wasn't meant to hurt you. I'm sorry if I did. For me, it is a little different too. My SIL was due 3 days after I was and we worked together. I saw multiple times a week exactly where I should have been. Now I see what I should have often. She got everything I've always dreamed of. A perfect little boy and she's a SAHM. For me to dwell on that is only hurting me. I had to let that thinking go or I wouldn't ever feel happy.

I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel or what to think in the least. I was just sharing what helps me. For me, it is kind of like that old joke. "It hurts when I do that." "Well quit doing that!" I needed to let my wound heal in peace so I had to quit sticking things in it. If you feel like you're forgetting your child or dishonoring him/her by not knowing you'd be 23w3d today, that is something only you can work through. Just know that, in my eyes at least, you wouldn't be. Your baby knows without a doubt that you loved him/her.

I could have written this post. For me, thinking about it makes it worse, so I don't do it. I don't understand lurking on your old birth month board etc. My SIL was due exactly one month after me too. In order to live my life, I HAD to let go.

I also apply my outlook on life to the loss. One could spend an enternity with the what-ifs. Simple decisions that changed the course of our lives. What if I had gone to a different bar the night I met my husband? What if I had chosen a different college and not met my best friend? A person who had an accident could say, what if I had taken the long way? What if I had stopped to get milk and was 10 minutes later? You simply cannot dwell on what could have been, because life is all about things going one way and not another. This works for me -- not trying to tell anyone how they should think.

Kira98 · November 2010

For the sake of brevity I won't quote, but I feel the same way as Gummybear about the "what ifs". I can think to myself, I should be xyz, but tha'ts not the way life played out. All I can do is go from here.

ravenorchid · November 2010

I think others are wise to try to not to think about it, but it is honestly always on my mind. Maybe especially this month, but it's almost like I want to keep track. I want to know where I would be even though it hurts. I don't think I will keep track of it so much once my EDD passes, but it would honestly just take too much energy not to think of it.

cutebride73 · November 2010

I had one EDD pass on Oct. 10th and one is coming up on Nov 16th - I have to say I always knew over the last 8/9 months where I was, how many weeks I would have been along. Although, now that the one EDD has passed I haven't really been thinking about how old the baby would be. I mean, I am aware b/c one of my friend's had her baby like 2 weeks later and I am sure when I see that baby (she lives out of town) it will hit me hard, but I haven't been dwelling on it.

Now, of course I have another EDD - in July. I hope to not think about all the weeks as much this time around. I think having 2 EDD's so close together made it especially hard because I always felt like I could be this far along or that far along, if only one of them had worked out. I guess we'll see how it goes - July is a long way off.

damabo80 · November 2010

My EDD passed in Oct, and I was a total "I should be..." up until that point. Now, I don't really focus on how old he should be now, but when Halloween came, I thought that I should have a infant to dress up. I had visions of passing out candy with a baby in one of my arms. The holidays are going to be hard, for the same reason.

tigers413 · November 2010

I usually think about where I should be but I have less than a week before my EDD and I am probably going to be thinking "I should have a 1 week old baby" and so on.

emeraudecephiro · November 2010

The end of this month my baby would have been a year old, so I think about it now because it's so close and randomly, but I try really hard not to depress myself out of personal preservation. I'm bipolar, so fortunately in my "high" points I don't think about much at all..which is nice. But when I am "down" I get mopey and do my best not to think about it.

Ann003 · November 2010

I do not keep track of where I would be in my pregnancy. There are times when I am reminded, but I don't go look it up. It just hurts too much.

jenrdh01 · November 2010

Ryan&Kristin062009 · November 2010

I don't keep track. After my D&C I deleted everything on my Outlook calendar (I wrote when I'd be 12wks, 16wks, 20wks, due date etc). To me there is only pain from continuing to keep track of that stuff. I have a few pregnant friends and when they talk about their pregnancies it does make me wonder where I'd be now, but I honestly try to not think about it. My EDD is in January and I am hoping to be KU before then.

jenniann87 · November 2010

I think about it everyday. My EDD is just 2wks away and I cant help but think about everything I should be doing now. It doesnt help having 2 friends due a month after me and 1 due 2 months after me.

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