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TTC After a Loss
update on miserable old me
So, I just really couldn't talk last week. I was so mad, sad, frustrated, annoyed...hurt. Stupid fvcking universe had one last chance to make things "right" and it FAILED. I knew I wasn't pregnant but still when AF showed I sobbed.
I didn't want to look at stats for this month, I'm just so defeated by all this. I bought a little handmade calendar from a Grad student for 2010 last year. I called it my "let's get pregnant" calendar, and I started by marking DH's crazy out-of-town work schedule on the first few months. At the time I worried about how many more months I would have to do this - we had already been trying for nearly a year. But, how lucky was I to get pregnant in January! I remember thinking that at the time, and how thankful I was that I didn't have to bother with all my little marks on the coming months.
Well, here I am at November, looking into December. The end of the calendar....and I'm still marking DH's schedule month after month..
I sobbed even harder on Friday when I discovered that yet again he is away during prime FWP time. I just couldn't believe I would have to sit on the sidelines again. It was all so unfair. I cried all of this out to DH both by email and when he got home.
He totally understands. I love him. He told me he's already made arrangements to work in town - I just have to tell him when I need him, and he'll be here. He has said before he would do what he could to work around my schedule, but his position isn't that simple, and I know it's not easy for him to be away from the site. (He works at a fly-in/fly-out mine site north of here, and he's the boss.) I'm really amazed he's able to do this.
He'll have one hand on me and one hand on his Blackberry the whole time though. That's sexy.
This timing now actually works out better than I could have wished for. Sadly, my broken heart just can't find hope anywhere. I'm happy to not have to sit out, but I don't feel any more hopeful than I did on Friday. *sigh*
He'll now be home from cycle day 9-18. Other than when we were in Australia, we've never had a better or longer FWP "week".
I also keep pointing out to him how funny and naughty I think it is that he's "working from home" so he can have sex. Naughty man, naughty.
My fvcking body better start cooperating!.!.!.!
BFP #1 Valentine's Day BFP! February 14th 2010
Missed M/C 11w5d ~ forever in our hearts.
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
This discussion has been closed.
Re: update on miserable old me
((Hugs)). So much to deal with - but I am struck in reading your post that you and DH are really in it together- that is awesome and I hope gives you some comfort on those darker days.
Also I had to LOL about "working from home" so you can "work it" - if you know what I mean!
Sending positive vibes your way.
BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
BFP #2 2/2011
Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013
Motherhood is not for wimps
I love that working from home.. is code for sexing during fwp week. oh yea.. oh yea! I see the light at the end of the tunnel for you Amy.. I do I do!!
Good LUCK! I REALLY hope this is "IT" for you!!!! Happy you are back to joining us this week too!
I missed you last week but I completely understand where you are at right now emotionally. It's great that your DH is there for you and able to rearrange his work schedule to make this happen for you both. I hope that you're able to put that calendar away and end the year on a BFP high!!
BFP 1: 3/19/10 Loss: 7/9/10
BFP 2: 12/28/10
My Blog: Losing Sylvia
My Life
BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d
Thank you!
If it weren't for the furbabies I don't know what I'd do. Claire's going to be updating her blog with more birthday pictures soon (link in siggy)...you should see them. She had so much fun!
(((HUGS to you)))
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
I am totally for the big Bump wave from the states for a GTG - anytime. Martinis and cupcakes and Bumpies oh My!
(HUGS!!)
BFP #2 EDD September 30, 2012 ~ natural m/c 5w4d
broken hearted, changed forever
{{BIG HUGE HUGS}}
I'm so glad your DH will be home to FWP. It's wonderful he can rearrange his schedule to be there.
Keeping my fingers crossed that this is your cycle.
"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
BFP#3 - 6/5/11 - DS - 2/10/12
Big Texas-sized ((hugs)).
I'm glad that your DH will be working from home during FWP time. That could be the most fun he's ever had at work!
bfp 01/23/10 m/c 12w1d 03/14/10 EDD 09/24/10
bfp 07/20/10 m/c 5w1d 07/25/10
bfp 11/19/10 Born 07/24/11 via C/S
My Forever Sister From Another Mister~CashewsMommy!!
(((((hugs)))))
I hope that it all works out for you. You know we're all here for you too if you need to vent some more!
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
I'm sorry, I know how hard it can be to work around travel schedules, that's partially why I was so tied to last cycle working, because DH was home during the right time. He's going to be traveling so much the rest of the year, I'm worried that was our only shot.
I hope it works out for you! Glad your DH is making it a priority!