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February 2011 Moms
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Baby Shower Vent

misskassielynnmisskassielynn member
in February 2011 Moms

All of my family lives in the Seattle area. So, my mom decided it would be a good idea to host a little get together for family to come over and either pack shower gifts for me or have a skype viewing of me opening gifts at my shower here in New Hampshire. She wanted to do this because my family back home is FAMOUS for throwing huge showers and knew that I would feel left out that they threw my step sister (who is not blood related) three huge showers for each of her kids and that I wouldn't be getting anything. This sounded wonderful to me because I feel somewhat alone out here as we live in a very rural town and DH's family, though only an hour away, is very small and cold in demeanor. Also, since we only recently moved here, I haven't had much of a chance to make many friends. My shower here will be very VERY small.

I talked to my step mom today and she mentioned being happy to help my mom get updated addresses for my dad's side, help plan and that she would talk to my dad's sister with the big house about hosting it there. I called my mom to tell her all of this, and to exchange contact info, and it seemed like I had entered 11th grade.

"Do you honestly think I want to plan ANYTHING with that woman?" my mom asked. "She slept with my husband for god's sakes." Well, yeah mom, 22 years ago. And honestly, were you really that surprised? My dad was drunk or high all the time, not exactly a model husband. So, I asked her, were you even planning on inviting any of my step family? "Well I don't know. I hadn't thought about it." My mom is still relatively close with my dad's family, as she and my dad met through his gaggle of sisters. Was she honestly planning on inviting the entirety of my dad's family but leaving his wife and step-daughter out? Really mom? Really?

I think this get together is unnecessary, but I really appreciated the thought. However, I am about ready to ask them not to do it in order to avoid stress. But, if I tell my mom to call it off, how do I let my step-mom know its over without letting her know it is solely because my mom doesn't want to see her? Should I let it continue, knowing that my mom now feels obligated to invite people she doesn't like? Or do I follow my gut and cancel the whole shenanigan? WDYT? 

ETA: Sorry its so long, I am just frustrated over being stuck between two women I care about deeply. I don't want there to be drama, or to create more problems than apparently there already are :( 

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Re: Baby Shower Vent

  • njmohnjmoh
    Well I would probably tell my mom that she could handle the planning but that Stepmom and sister needed to get invitations. I can see not wanting her help in the planning but she should be able to have her at the shower, I'm assuming they have been at family events involving you before.  
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  • misskassielynnmisskassielynn member

    imagenjmoh:
    Well I would probably tell my mom that she could handle the planning but that Stepmom and sister needed to get invitations. I can see not wanting her help in the planning but she should be able to have her at the shower, I'm assuming they have been at family events involving you before.  

    Actually they haven't, this is the first time it has come up. Every time in the past, only my dad came because of money. My dad was at the wedding, but his wife and kids couldn't make it because they were too busy and for monetary reasons. These women have literally never been in the same room for the last 22 years. I think that is why this is all coming to a head now. 

    ETA: I agree with you  on completely understanding not wanting help planning, its just the whole not wanting them there thing that gets me. 

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  • njmohnjmoh

    hmmm, well then maybe seehow your mom feels about having her there, since it will be big they probably won't have to interact much, maybe its just the planning part

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  • kirbnjame48kirbnjame48
    I completely know how you feel.  I am having 2 baby showers and a baby luncheon.  My mother will not go to anything my stepmother goes to.  They had to sit in different areas at my wedding too.  It sucks that they just can't grow up.  I'm sorry I don't have a real suggestion to offer to help you out besides splitting up the showers, just don't let them ruin your celebration. 
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