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Military Families
After deployment...
DH came home from deployment in July. There are some things that are just now starting to crop up. And we've had to seriously work on how to handle the kids since he's been home b/c he's had a rough time adjusting to having two kids and the fact that one is a baby (he was treating him like DD, who is 2 1/2 and not a baby). But now that life is getting back to normal here on post and everything is back into full swing they are doing a lot of things like controlled blasts and stuff. We live on post too. So we were out in the yard the other day and a blast went off. He literally ducked for cover and yelled "WTF was that?!" It didn't phase me in the least, I'm used to things like that living on/near posts.
While deployed, he was on patrol and around a lot of blasts, bombings, IEDs etc and I guess I just didn't realize how it affected him. Its just now coming out and I didn't know how to respond to his reaction. What would you suggest I do? Anything? Nothing? Sometimes he's the man I married and sometimes he's a soldier and I don't know what to do with the soldier.
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Re: After deployment...
My DH usually has a significant amount of "issues" when he gets back from deployment. I should say he's infantry so has seen a lot, but he only tells me bits and pieces here and there. Mostly DH has anger issues, which I've asked him to go to counseling for (no such luck there). He has bad nightmares and jumps quite a bit when woken up, he initially doesn't handle traffic well (drives about 35 even on a hwy and is super vigilent about watching the road). Again, DH's anger is the biggest problem. I try to get him to talk it out. I remind him that I'm not a Marine and that he needs to communicate with me versus yelling directives. When he has a nightmare I try to get him to tell me about what it was, why he thinks he dreamt about it, etc. I guess I should also say that I work with people with mental health disorders so I think I try to "counsel" him through what he's feeling. I def. don't think you should do nothing. But it is normal for them to need some decompression once they get back home. Try to remember that they lived in a constant state of awareness for however many mths and it's not easy to turn it off. Be patient, and offer your help to make him feel better. I know sometimes our "manly" men don't want to talk or whatever but if DH is having an especially crazy anger outburst I'll wait 'til he's done and then basically insist he talks it out with me. I also ask him because I genuinely want to know what he went through over there. Usually it just takes time, and then DH will go back to his "normal" semi-crazy self. So give him time, and continue to work on communication, which really is key. Also remember that if he is doing anything that super worries you like self destructive behavior or beign violent towards you and your children then it might be time to seek professional help or go talk to his command. Sorry this is so long, but I really hope my experience helps!
When DH came back from deployment he would duck for cover with loud noises, cars back firing etc. for a long time afterward. He also had a hard time not swerving back and forth when going under an underpass. In our case, it just took time and patience. He also had some anxiety issues that needed to be worked on behaviorally and I had to talk him down a few times but with patience and me having a calming/relaxed manner it got so much better.
Just be on the lookout for things more serious than post deployment anxiety/transition like PTSD. If he starts exhibiting more serious issues, definitely don't delay getting help.
https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246/DSECTION=symptoms
I know 4 months probably seems long enough but it can take a long time for them to be fully transitioned back to life stateside. It gets better though.
You don't need to do anything unless he starts talking about things that are self destructive or violent towards you and the children. PTSD is very blown out of proportion these days with everyone thinking that every soldier has it. It is completely normal for someone who has been away for a long period of time to have trouble adjusting to changes at home. Likewise when events happen at home such as loud noises that were danger noises over there it is completely normal to have a "WTF" reaction. This does not mean that he suffers from PTSD it just means that he is a human being who is trying to adjust to a change in his environment. Give him time and support that is all he needs.
ETA: My husband typed this out in response to your post. He just returned from Iraq in May.
My DH has said the same when people ask him about PTSD, how to handle homecomings, etc.
It was very cool of your DH to respond to this post.
They all did mandatory counseling while they were still deployed, but he came home advon so he was earlier than the remainder of his unit, so he may have missed some stuff. I know he did a bunch of stuff when he came home too. Thank you everyone for your advice, I will continue talking with DH about everything. I do know that he knows he's different and he appreciates me telling him when he does or says something that bothers me or that isn't him.