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Parenting
marrymemylove
member
Really don't want to go to ILs for Christmas!
marrymemylove
member
in Parenting
But I feel guilty about it.
We have had 2 Christmases since we came back to australia, one we went to a rural town where my mum and grandmother lived at the time (my gran was terminally ill and we thought it would probably be her last), the other we hosted at our house days after moving in to a new home (moved house on 22 Dec!). So we are "due" to spend Christmas with the ILs who live interstate. But I don't want to go.
1. Other than DH and the kids I only have my mum now (Gran died a few months ago) and she would be on her own as her/my extended family live interstate also. She's still grieving her mum and I don't want her to be on her own but she isn't keen to go interstate and stay with her brother who hosts the big family shindig each year.
2. I hate traveling with kids, I feel like traveling with DS when he was 1-3 months old really buggered his sleeping patterns and we never really got on top of them after that. DD will be just short of 4 months at Christmas.
3. ILs live in the middle of nowhere and we would have to borrow a car or hire one and I wouldn't be comfortable driving in the area so I'd be basically stuck at their house the whole time. DH could easily drive around but wouldn't be inclined to.
4. They have a dog. I hate dogs. I can't stand the smell, hair, licking, having their food in the same fridge/utensils in the same dishwasher as human food. ILs are not understanding about that at all. She's an old dog and a bit crazy (small, so not really a risk to most people but would be to an infant). She's also used to the run of the house. I feel ill at the thought of eating food prepared from the fridge and stored under her open tinned food. I feel ill seeing the dishwasher loaded with dogfood utensils along with our own. I feel sick when I'm licked or jumped on by a dog. Worse if I see my kids licked or covered in dog.
5. We'd be crowded. DH's sister and brother and their partners would also be there - 3 bedroom house with 8 adults and 2 kids including a newborn. MIL tried to be nice and offered us their bedroom with ensuite so we'd be able to fit better/have our own bathroom to set up to suit the 4 year old (she has forgotten he's toilet trained!). That sounds nice, they'd sleep in the sleepout sofa bed and the other 2 bedrooms for BIL, SIL and their partners...but the parents suite is also where the doggy calls home. How to get the dog to understand it isn't her room too...hard.
6. Worst and most importantly - they have 3 unfenced watercourses in their backyard. DS is 4 and going through a bit of boundary-pushing so while he's generally a great kid I am worried sick that he'll think he can swim and go in, it would take seconds for him to get there from the house. OBviously he's too young to understand fully the consequences of getting snagged and drowning. MIL and FIL are not good with this. Sympathetic yes, but last time we were there they said they'd mind DS while DH and I got some breakfast for the 3 of us and when I came out 2 mins later MIL looked up and asked "where's DS?". I nearly had a seizure then and there and DH and I raced around the property looking for him. Luckily he was in the veggie garden, but it was sheer luck. I can never trust her again, or FIL who just sat there.
7. DH is mad at them for going for a 3 month trip overseas (planned after they knew we were having another child and coinciding with her EDD) and then saying they'd come down "for the weekend" to see their granddaughter. In his eyes that showed their priorities were up the pole.
He is also concerned about the unfenced water of course. He doesn't mind about the dog but he is the only one who is sympathetic to my feeling sick about the dog. And he doesn't want to have to travel either, as he sees it they have no dependents anymore so they could easily come to us (and SIL lives a few streets from us). BIL lives in a 3rd city altogether.
So he says we shouldn't go, but I feel bad for him as I think he should try to make the most of the time with his parents while they aren't too old (they are 60 and in good health). Also I dread next year having to make up the ground because then DD will be mobile but both kids will still be at risk from the water. On the other hand the dog will probably have died by then.
DH and I *could* just be on duty 24/7 about the water, but it will be hard and stressful.
So what would you do?
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Re: Really don't want to go to ILs for Christmas!
Just do it. It is a few days out of your life. It is your kids GRANDPARENTS and your DH's PARENTS. Christmas is a time for FAMILY. As crazy and chaotic it may be, embrace it and find yourself fortunate that your kids are able to have it.
It may suck, but buck it up. They wont be around forever. And while I sympathize slightly with you about the dog, you are being too over the top about it.
I feel like your posts may be interesting reads but my lord lady shorten it up!!
eta a:
(cause I wasn't trying to come across mean LOL)
BTW it isn't as though it is don't go and don't see anyone vs go and do see everyone.... if we declined they would probably come down for Christmas and we'd have to host on Christmas Day. I'd be ok with that. They can't fit in our house but they could fit at SILs a few streets away, and her best friends live next door to her (who used to spend every Christmas at my ILs) who could put up BIL and his partner. In fact those 2 friends are probably going to pitch a tent at ILs if we all DO go up, they ALWAYS go for Christmas there... both are orphans literally.
I would rather have the tradition that we host Christmas and I think with 2 of their 3 children living down here that's not completely crazy.
Just wanted to say it isn't as though we wouldn't see them. Even if they declined that we'd go up for a weekend early in Dec instead.
Does it make any difference that they are atheists and don't believe in Christmas anyway except to have a big feast?
You are right but obviously haven't been here long enough to remember me? This is my affliction I'm afraid. I do try :-)
not a bad idea really
It IS a fine idea...I wonder how I can pull that off though. With MIL wanting to give up her bedroom to us and the nearest hotel 30 mins drive away...will be tricky. We'll see. As I say DH is not inclined to go at all so I could ameliorate my Bad-DIL points re the dog/lakes by getting him to go at all. Still worry about mum though.
I don't know - if your husband isn't inclined to go, I wouldn't push it. I'd say they were welcome to come to you and you'd host and leave it at that.
MH and I usually travel to our parents' houses for holidays, but this year we said we weren't for Thanksgiving and they're both coming to us. My MIL pitched a bit of a fit, but I honestly don't feel bad because it is much, much easier for them to travel to us - we have 2 kids, 2 dogs (that we board when we travel), my husband has less vacay than his father who has like 6w vacation he can take (MIL is a SAHW), they're young and in good health, and on and on. It's not like we're not willing to see them at all.
Anyway, for the most part, in our house, we follow the lead of the spouse whose parents it is. If MH had really wanted to travel to them - I would have gone along, but since he thought this was best, I was totally in. I'd just let him make the call.
Christmas 2011
eclaires it is SO tempting to take advantage of his peevishness with them. But I fear it will bite me next year. Given a choice between the 2 years this one (when DD is not mobile) will be easier. Ideally I'd like to not travel there at Christmas until they are both old enough not to be tempted by the lakes.
But I am tempted to just let it go through to the keeper as he isn't keen. That's why I feel guilty.