How do you hold it together?

Shelley-Bean · November 2010

Hello, I'm new here - my boys were born at 34.5 weeks, and have been in the SCN for 2 weeks now with no idea when they are coming home. It's a 1 hr drive each way, and we've been going every day for at least 2 feedings (4 hrs apart). I'm still crying at the drop of a hat, and dread having to leave them.

I feel so lucky that they have overcome their breathing issues (both on room air now) and are just trying to eat, and I know they have the best care, but I feel like our lives are on hold until they come home. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes!

I've read some of your posts and stories, and it all of you amaze me with your strength! What are your tricks for keeping it together?

tisroc · November 2010

Believe it or not, you are holding it together. Crying at everything is normal and necessary because this is emotionally heavy sh!t and that needs to come out somehow. You're a mother; it should be upsetting to leave your babies behind when you know they are still having difficulties. And most importantly you are hauling your butt the 1 hr each way twice a day to care for your loves. You are focused on what is important: your boys.

We go forward because there simply is no other option. It's rarely pretty but we, you included, are all stronger than we could have imagined or wished to be.

Each day that passes is one day closer to them being home even if you don't know when that is.

ssg73 · November 2010

One foot infront of the other. It is the only way to get through. Once they are home the nicu will begin to fade and while you never will be the same again it gets better. Cry all you want being a premmie mom is hard and letting your emotions out is the only way to survive.

lexismom1008 · November 2010

I was in the exact same position as you. DS born at 34 weeks 3 days. We were in SCN for 3 weeks with an hour drive both ways. I went in the mornings and stayed through the noon feeding, drove home, and drove back for the 6 and 9pm feedings. Leaving him there was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's so worth it to see your LO's everyday, though. I think I cried every night when we left. Hugs to you. I hope your LO's get to come home soon!!

witt0198 · November 2010

I'm not sure exactly, I think you just do what you have to.
There was a couple of times I questioned weather or not I'd need some meds, it's hard sometimes to sort out how much is/could be post partum depression/hormones, and how much is just due to the experience. I can tell you that everything seemed worse when I was too sleep deprived, and when the hormones were rushing during pumping.

ayram · November 2010

Sometimes it helps to focus on something other than what's going on - distractions are good - get a good magazine or chick lit book to read while sitting with by your little ones.

Another thing...appreciate how small and beautiful your little ones really are - take more pictures than you would think to - they're never going to be like this again. They are such little fighters. Take their footprint, if you can. Pose them next to a stuffed animal/quarter/wedding ring to get an idea of their relative size.

You'll get through it!

Kate621 · November 2010

Honestly, we have been in survival mode for the last 3 months. I know that if I actually let myself absorb everything that has happened to us I won't be able to get out of bed in the morning. So I just take each day for what it is--another day closer to going home. Hang in there girl.

Leigh71 · November 2010

I journaled everyday in the NICU. I wrote down weights, how much they were eating, what rate the IV was at... settings on the vent... etc. Each day showed progress.

I took photos of the girls. I made a keepsake 8x10 frame with their photos, and their names... I kept one at their bedside in the NICU where I pumped, and I kept one at home in their nursery. I went in there to pump, and looked at their picture. I called on the nights I was sad and missing them...sometimes 2 or 3 times... just to check on them and see how their feedings went. (The NICU was programmed into my phone).

I kept a routine. I got up at the same time each day, arrived at the hospital for the 9am feedings... cleaned their room, introduced myself to the day nurse... and left about the same time each day. I supplied their onesies, socks, etc. so I would take home their dirty clothes every day, and wash them/bring them back. I requested nurses that knew the girls/took care of them on a regular basis...so I could relax when I was at home. I completed their baby books at their bedside. I did a little each day, because I knew once we were home, I'd be too busy to work on the books. We were in NICU for 5 weeks. It was the longest 5 weeks... but doing these little things helped me thru each day. ((HUGS))

ArvadaBride · November 2010

I think everyone has given you great info. You just keep on, going on. That is what I kept telling myself. I also got into a routine.

I would cry at home once I got back and we were very close to our NICU. Have you thought of looking for a Ronald McDonald house that is close by that you could stay at? That might give you some more time with your little guys.

Huge hugs and you're doing an amazing job.

Deutscher · November 2010

First of all, you are amazing for going somewhere for help, even if it is us! My son was born at 32 weeks and was in the NICU for 25 days. I spent all day at the hospital and would come home at around 9 at night to keep some consistancy at home too. I remember one night on our way home asking my husband if it would ever get easier leaving him at night, he simply said no. That is the man who helped me make it through all those long days and nights. Make sure you have someone who can support you and hold your hand when you need someone to cry to. Make sure you kangaroo as much as you can humanly do, I truly feel that is how my little guy got so strong so quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with you, just imagine how amazing it will feel when he is at home and you are holding him in your arms!

luckycooky · November 2010

I cried so many times and 6 months later - there are still moments that bring me to tears. Celebrate the little things and try not to focus solely on coming home. It is easier said than done, I know, but those little things will quickly add up to the bigger goal.

Is it possible for you to stay closer to the SCN on weekends? I'm sure the driving alone is exhausting and the little things you can do to give yourself a break now, the easier it is to focus on taking care of baby.

lemen99 · November 2010

Hugs!!!!

I didn't always hold it together, but most of the time I was okay. We prayed a LOT. We also took nights off now and then to spend time together and feel "normal".

HUGS

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