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those with toddlers/older kids that were "high needs" babies...

StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
in Attachment Parenting

does it get any better?

my DS is almost 15 months and he is still very high needs (using the Dr. Sears term and definition here).

he is the most draining child i have ever met. i am at my wit's end at the end of every day because he will not let me be apart from him for a minute without screaming his head off. and i have to be fully engaged with him, or he gets bored and then cries. it's so exhausting! thankfully he's a light child, but i have to hold him for a lot of the day, and if i try to check my email really quickly, he freaks out that i'm not on the floor with him and pulls my leg and starts crying.

i could go into more ways that he is high needs, but that would make this way too long.

oh, and he still rarely STTN. 

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Re: those with toddlers/older kids that were "high needs" babies...

  • aglennaglenn member
    DD is the same way. I read something in one of the Dr Sears books that sounded like it's not likely to get better until school age... But that was depressing so I try to forget it.
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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma

    imageaglenn:
    DD is the same way. I read something in one of the Dr Sears books that sounded like it's not likely to get better until school age... But that was depressing so I try to forget it.

    oh joy lol.

    which book did you read that in? i've only read some of the online things and then his Discipline book.

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  • Bride2b2004Bride2b2004 member

    Yes, it gets better.  DS1 was beyond tough as a baby/toddler.  We say we would have 3 kids by now if DS1 was like DS2 (who is very easy going).  DS1 is so much better now, still doesn't have an "off" switch though!  It turns out that he is a wonderful little person, very smart and sensitive and loving and energetic... and all of those qualities were what made him SUCH a tough little one.  Still not easy though because he keeps me on my toes (and is unnerved b/c he swears DS is already smarter than he is).   One day we will see an amazing adult come out of all of this hard work!

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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
    imageBride2b2004:

    Yes, it gets better.  He still doesn't have an "off" switch though!  It turns out that he is a wonderful little person, very smart and sensitive and loving and energetic... and all of those qualities were what made him SUCH a tough little one.  Still not easy though because he keeps me on my toes (and is unnerved b/c he swears DS is already smarter than he is).   One day we will see an amazing adult come out of all of this hard work!

    thanks! glad to hear.

    i can tell that my DS is also very smart and a sweet little boy. He will literally be having fun playing with me, and then get frustrated and start bawling one second after he was laughing. He does this so many times each day that it's hard to know what to expect! and yes, definitely very energetic!

    my biggest fear is having another baby like this. i don't think i could handle 2 high needs children. is your second high needs too?

    ETA: i just re-read and saw that DS2 is easy going. that's amazing! i hope it works out that way for me too! not pg yet, but dreading when i do get pg.

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  • VirginnyVirginny

    Sorry, I don't have any advice, since my high-needs baby is only 11 months old. But I did want to offer my sympathies. My LO is far from STTN as well. You're doing a great job as a Mom, and hopefully this stage will pass and he'll become more independent.

    Is there anyway you could have someone watch him for 1-2 hours a week? My DH is often traveling, so all DS knows is Mommy all day long and nursing all night long. Perhaps if your little guy has some time away with a sitter, even if only for an hour each week, it may help the clingy-ness?

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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
    imageVirginny:

    Sorry, I don't have any advice, since my high-needs baby is only 11 months old. But I did want to offer my sympathies. My LO is far from STTN as well. You're doing a great job as a Mom, and hopefully this stage will pass and he'll become more independent.

    Is there anyway you could have someone watch him for 1-2 hours a week? My DH is often traveling, so all DS knows is Mommy all day long and nursing all night long. Perhaps if your little guy has some time away with a sitter, even if only for an hour each week, it may help the clingy-ness?

    i take him to the Little Gym for that purpose... he can explore and i will be within his eyesight, but not right there. he does great except when the kids go on the parachute, and then he freaks out.

    unfortunately, we live far from family, but we're only here for a few more months (DH is in his last year of law school in a state where we don't know too many people).

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  • VirginnyVirginny
    imageStrawberryBlondeMomma:
    imageVirginny:

    Sorry, I don't have any advice, since my high-needs baby is only 11 months old. But I did want to offer my sympathies. My LO is far from STTN as well. You're doing a great job as a Mom, and hopefully this stage will pass and he'll become more independent.

    Is there anyway you could have someone watch him for 1-2 hours a week? My DH is often traveling, so all DS knows is Mommy all day long and nursing all night long. Perhaps if your little guy has some time away with a sitter, even if only for an hour each week, it may help the clingy-ness?

    i take him to the Little Gym for that purpose... he can explore and i will be within his eyesight, but not right there. he does great except when the kids go on the parachute, and then he freaks out.

    unfortunately, we live far from family, but we're only here for a few more months (DH is in his last year of law school in a state where we don't know too many people).

    We are far from family as well, I hear you. Also, apparently I was a very high-needs, never-wanted-to-sleep baby/child and my younger sisters were the exact opposite, STTN and very easy-going. My mom always said "I hope you get a baby just like yourself" and she was RIGHT....now I understand what she went through.

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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
    imageVirginny:
    imageStrawberryBlondeMomma:
    imageVirginny:

    Sorry, I don't have any advice, since my high-needs baby is only 11 months old. But I did want to offer my sympathies. My LO is far from STTN as well. You're doing a great job as a Mom, and hopefully this stage will pass and he'll become more independent.

    Is there anyway you could have someone watch him for 1-2 hours a week? My DH is often traveling, so all DS knows is Mommy all day long and nursing all night long. Perhaps if your little guy has some time away with a sitter, even if only for an hour each week, it may help the clingy-ness?

    i take him to the Little Gym for that purpose... he can explore and i will be within his eyesight, but not right there. he does great except when the kids go on the parachute, and then he freaks out.

    unfortunately, we live far from family, but we're only here for a few more months (DH is in his last year of law school in a state where we don't know too many people).

    We are far from family as well, I hear you. Also, apparently I was a very high-needs, never-wanted-to-sleep baby/child and my younger sisters were the exact opposite, STTN and very easy-going. My mom always said "I hope you get a baby just like yourself" and she was RIGHT....now I understand what she went through.

    oh my gosh! my mom said that EXACT same thing to me many times. why did our moms have to wish this on us?! ;)

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  • aglennaglenn member
    Probably the Sleep Book. That's the one I've been reading and re-reading lately...sleep is awful at our house these days. Yawn.
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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma

    imageaglenn:
    Probably the Sleep Book. That's the one I've been reading and re-reading lately...sleep is awful at our house these days. Yawn.

    thanks! i should get that one.

    btw, i lived on mercer island for 6 years. beautiful area! :)

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  • VirginnyVirginny
    imageStrawberryBlondeMomma:
    imageVirginny:
    imageStrawberryBlondeMomma:
    imageVirginny:

    Sorry, I don't have any advice, since my high-needs baby is only 11 months old. But I did want to offer my sympathies. My LO is far from STTN as well. You're doing a great job as a Mom, and hopefully this stage will pass and he'll become more independent.

    Is there anyway you could have someone watch him for 1-2 hours a week? My DH is often traveling, so all DS knows is Mommy all day long and nursing all night long. Perhaps if your little guy has some time away with a sitter, even if only for an hour each week, it may help the clingy-ness?

    i take him to the Little Gym for that purpose... he can explore and i will be within his eyesight, but not right there. he does great except when the kids go on the parachute, and then he freaks out.

    unfortunately, we live far from family, but we're only here for a few more months (DH is in his last year of law school in a state where we don't know too many people).

    We are far from family as well, I hear you. Also, apparently I was a very high-needs, never-wanted-to-sleep baby/child and my younger sisters were the exact opposite, STTN and very easy-going. My mom always said "I hope you get a baby just like yourself" and she was RIGHT....now I understand what she went through.

    oh my gosh! my mom said that EXACT same thing to me many times. why did our moms have to wish this on us?! ;)

    That is too funny. Perhaps our sons will understand when they have their own children. In the meantime, we'll take it day by day. Eventually, they won't want to be us all the time. ;(

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  • erbearerbear member

    I'm sorry :(

    DD was a really high needs baby but around 9 months, she had a huge turn around and for a year, she's been a really easy, mellow, laid-back toddler (she's hitting the twos with a vengeance now!)

    Have you taken him to a pedi just to make sure it's not a medical issue?

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  • mr+msmr+ms member

    DD is way easier as a toddler. She is turning 2 soon. The first year was pretty rough. From day 1, I couldn't put her down without her wailing. She napped in a bouncy chair until she grew out of it and her crib was merely a toy and diaper station. Often times I thought why me??!!

    The sleep stuff is still a challenge. I am over bed sharing but DD notsomuch. She takes really long to get settled down for bed and hardly ever seems tired. She's like the energizer bunny.

    However, she's a great listener and communicator (despite being behind on her expressive language skills), she's understanding, sweet, funny and almost always in a good mood and up for some fun. She is totally a people person and loves to do anything together - play, read, cook, clean up, go for a walk, whatever. Once she's warmed up to new people or a new place she's all over it and outgoing. She can play independently as well... not for really long stretches of time, but long enough that I get breaks. She hardly ever has a meltdown and even more rarely does she get in a state where we can't talk with her to work out a problem. Around 21 mos she decided to start using the potty and was done with diapers just like that... naps, sleep, car rides and all.

    I try to think long term and how all of her "high needs" qualities will make for an older kid and adult who is warm, engaged with others and full of determination. Still, my thoughts on kid spacing have been rearranged permanently! I go through twinges of thinking about #2 at this stage but I think I need another year to consider it seriously.

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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
    imageerbear:

    I'm sorry :(

    DD was a really high needs baby but around 9 months, she had a huge turn around and for a year, she's been a really easy, mellow, laid-back toddler (she's hitting the twos with a vengeance now!)

    Have you taken him to a pedi just to make sure it's not a medical issue?

    he goes to his regular appts. he had one at 12 months and goes again in a week. she said it was normal before, but i'll ask again.

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  • StrawberryBlondeMommaStrawberryBlondeMomma
    imagemr+ms:

    DD is way easier as a toddler. She is turning 2 soon. The first year was pretty rough. From day 1, I couldn't put her down without her wailing. She napped in a bouncy chair until she grew out of it and her crib was merely a toy and diaper station. Often times I thought why me??!!

    The sleep stuff is still a challenge. I am over bed sharing but DD notsomuch. She takes really long to get settled down for bed and hardly ever seems tired. She's like the energizer bunny.

    However, she's a great listener and communicator (despite being behind on her expressive language skills), she's understanding, sweet, funny and almost always in a good mood and up for some fun. She is totally a people person and loves to do anything together - play, read, cook, clean up, go for a walk, whatever. Once she's warmed up to new people or a new place she's all over it and outgoing. She can play independently as well... not for really long stretches of time, but long enough that I get breaks. She hardly ever has a meltdown and even more rarely does she get in a state where we can't talk with her to work out a problem. Around 21 mos she decided to start using the potty and was done with diapers just like that... naps, sleep, car rides and all.

    I try to think long term and how all of her "high needs" qualities will make for an older kid and adult who is warm, engaged with others and full of determination. Still, my thoughts on kid spacing have been rearranged permanently! I go through twinges of thinking about #2 at this stage but I think I need another year to consider it seriously.

    i totally agree with all of this. he thrives around people - well, mostly grown ups. he loves them. he definitely understands the way i feel, which makes it harder when he's irritating me b/c he senses it and gets even more upset. but like you, i used to want kids spaced about every 2 years (3-4 originally), but now i'm questioning if i can even handle another one.

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  • wifeandmamawifeandmama member
    My first was veryyyyyyyy demanding.. always wanted to be held, very willful, loved to "explore" when he started walking (aka running away from me constantly - and he was only 9 months when he started walking!), etc.  I thought I was going to lose my mind until he was about 19-20 months old.. then he started talking more and got much more independent.  I no longer had to sit and play CONSTANTLY!  Now he's Mr. Independent!  He's so well behaved, wants to do everything on his own, can play SOOOOOO amazingly by himself and has an awesome imagination, very polite, etc.  He wanted to be carried still quite a bit until my new babe arrived and then he kind of just decided to be a "Big Boy."  In my experience, it gets better!
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