Dh told me to "just relax"

butterfly843 · November 2010

Ever since my loss in november I have been worried about bad things happening to me since I feel I have bad luck. So sometimes it drives dh crazy, but I have been extra emotional lately with the 1 year anniversary of our first loss coming up. So tonight he tells me maybe it isn't happening because I'm so worried and if I just relax maybe good things will happen instead of me expecting the worst always. I hate getting the just relax line from people, especially dh. It's not like we have ever gotten pregnant on our own, it's always been through ivf.

Scout05 · November 2010

I know he didn't say it to hurt you, but putting that on you - an implication that this is somehow your fault because you are having normal, human emotions about this process - is really, really unfair.

Stress does not cause IF, loss, or fertility challenges. Bottom line. And the idea that you are supposed to be TTCAL w/ a smile and a song is crap. Of course you are emotional, of course this is hard and those facts have nothing to do with anything else.

I am so sorry.

butterfly843 · November 2010

Thanks, so glad to have this board where you girls understand. I think it stung more when he said it because I do feel at fault for everything that happened.

JayandTay09 · November 2010

ambrandau2:
I know he didn't say it to hurt you, but putting that on you - an implication that this is somehow your fault because you are having normal, human emotions about this process - is really, really unfair.

Stress does not cause IF, loss, or fertility challenges. Bottom line. And the idea that you are supposed to be TTCAL w/ a smile and a song is crap. Of course you are emotional, of course this is hard and those facts have nothing to do with anything else.

I am so sorry.

Allison says it best...I am so sorry he is putting this added stress on you - It isn't right or fair...Sometimes men just don't think...Sending you lots of (((((hugs)))))

Clerk9 · November 2010

Oh, I'm sorry. It's SUCH a freaking frustrating & stressful process. My one year loss anniversary is coming up soon, too, & I know it's definitely altered my behavior/emotions. I tried to explain to DH a few days ago about how it takes almost everything I have just to do the dishes every day. I don't think he realized just how heavy the burden on me had been until then.

Maybe, when the dust settles a little bit, you can try to calmly explain what you're going through inside. And, maybe, part of this is because he's struggling, too. It's just so hard for everyone involved.

I really hope you guys get back on track ASAP. ((BIG HUGS))

babes12 · November 2010

i'm sorry. it's hard to get that from DH. i've been there many times. and like other posters have said i don't think he said it to hurt you. and it's hard to think positively when so much bad has happened. (hugs)

jcath · November 2010

I'm so sorry - that's such an unhelpful comment. Dh tried it on me several months ago and I flipped out. Then he reminded me that I'd been telling him to just relax about his precarious job situation. Um oh yeah maybe I did. So since then - we agreed to focus on helping each other find ways to relax/relieve stress - like suggesting we take a walk together or take a nap or go to a movie instead of staring at the phone waiting for the Dr. to call.

RunSchwartzRun · November 2010

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. DH and I had almost this exact fight last night. I am getting super emotional because my one year BFP anniversary is tomorrow. I know he didn't mean any harm by it, but it just hurts to much to hear that from him. (((Hugs)))

bbhalphen · November 2010

That's so aggravating! DH tried to pull that card after our first (and second actually) miscarriages and I just snapped. I think he just didn't know anything else to say, but it still really sucks for them to say it.

butterfly843 · November 2010

I took his advice, but not in the way he was thinking. I have been working crazy overtime so I decided to schedule a massage for tomorrow morning.

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