fears
With DS, I had a scheduled c/s at 38 weeks 1 day because he was footling breech and the OB told me if I went into labor he would die. I knew as I was wheeled into the c/s that wasn't what I wanted for birth and I would VBAC with our next baby.
When I got pg with DD I started reading everything about birth I could get my hands on. I chose a midwife at a hospital who had been the provider for a friend with her VBAC and I just knew I would be pushing my baby out. I was of course scared of another c/s, but I just decided that I was going to do everything I could do avoid that (my recovery from DS's birth was horrible) so I educated myself, hired a doula, took Bradley classes, did prenata yoga, etc. I wasn't scared of labor or birth and I looked forward to it. I went into labor on my own at 4:30am and pushed DD out 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital at 11:40.
Now I am pregnant again and I know I want a VBAC. H and I weren't really happy with our experience at the hospital or with our midwife and we just feel safer at home so this time we are having a homebirth with a midwife. I am confident in my body's ability to birth a baby now, but I am scared. I wasn't really scared last time, but this time I am and I don't know why. I don't think it is because of the homebirth because I feel safe at home and I feel confident in my midwife, so I don't know what the fear is about.
I sort of think it is fear that I won't get the experience I had with DD. Like now I know what I would be missing out on or something. Also, we are not hiring a doula this time (H doesn't want a doula) and we are not doing Bradley again (it wasn't that long ago that we took it and I am still doing the exercises and such). I also don't feel as compelled to read everything like before, which makes me nervous.
So, how do I get past this fear? I am afraid that it will hinder labor if I can't work through it and that scares me too.
Re: fears
Well, for me, preparation (getting my doctor & doula planned as well as prenatal yoga, reading, etc) is my key to getting rid of fear. Is there any type of practicing that you did before that you feel helped? Maybe focus on doing some of that? Ina May's Guide was particularly homebirth focused, (even though technically not their homes always, it's same idea - midwives in an actual house environment) and those stories helped me think that my body can do this. Perhaps some reading like that to reinforce that? I found the statistics section particularly encouraging. Even focusing on doing what you can to make this experience even better than #2. Remember all of your births will be different. I'm sure you will have things with this birth that you cherish, and probably you have no knowledge of what those things will end up being. So even if you don't have everything you did for your first VBAC, it doesn't make give this birth any less potential for being a beautiful experience. Hey - you're doing things to try and make it even better!
There are certain fears that I'm concerned about still having. Part of me has considered trying to get a few hypnobabies MP3's to try and deal with them, but then I heard a woman from ICAN talk about her fears with her VBAC. She said she had them even as she was pushing and her DD was crowning. She basically said, if you can't get rid of the fears, just do it with the fear. I don't think that's the ideal situation, but since I honestly don't know what else to do about the (much smaller) amount of fear I have left, I'm embracing that. I think it's honestly helped me get back to a place where I do honestly feel like I can do it.
Good luck!
you have done all the preparation.
you are taking care of your body.
you have trusted your body.
you have hired competent and trusted assistance.
now, you have to release the fear. perhaps it is there to remind you of what you need to do (taking care of yourself, etc).
i will PM you an effective fear release exercise.
Our doulas with DD were friends of mine who are doulas as well and I think H didn't like that my "friends" were there. I told him we could hire a doula that I am not friends with, but he doesn't want to. He said now I know that he can be a good support (when I was in labor with DD I only wanted him) so I don't need them. Also, since we are staying home, we won't have the fight we had with DD.
He really want to have an unassisted birth, but I am just not comfortable with that and really, I feel like my midwives will be good support (one is a doula as well). I guess I sort of feel like if I am going to give on something this is the thing I am willing to give on, but if it were totally up to me, I would have a doula again.