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Trying so hard not to resent DH right now . . .

smm010108smm010108
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months

I wrote about a week ago about having a job interview that sounded great - great benefits, great vacation/personal, willing to meet my starting wage etc, but I was really nervous since I hadn't interviewed anywhere in about 5 years. Well, it looks like I'll be offered the job - I just got a call to meet with the HR Director on Friday, but now I can't stop crying. I don't want to leave LO, especially since this means that DH will get to stay home with her while I go to work all week, and all he has to do is work weekends in the company we built together. I understand that I have my degree because only one of us could afford to finish school when we got married and since I was closer, I did thinking he could go right after me, but things happened and he hasn't been able to finish. This just seems so unfair that although we worked together to build his company, and I sacrificed a lot to help him, I'm the one that will hardly get to see DD when he's the one that tends to stick her in front of the tv for hours (I'm not saying tv is evil, hell I do it to get ready in the morning, but not for hours!). Am I being ridiculous/selfish/etc?? (Don't be afraid to flame if it's necessary, I really need another view on whether or not what I'm feeling is valid right now). Thanks if you read this all, I know it got a bit long and thanks for any insight ladies.

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Re: Trying so hard not to resent DH right now . . .

  • KRISTA555KRISTA555 member

    You're not wrong to feel this way. You can't help how you feel.  But you do need to get a handle on it somehow or it will really hurt your marriage. Don't do that to yourself or DH (or LO for that matter!).  

    The best advice I ever got about marriage, was "Forgive him even if he doesn't deserve it. Forgive him even if you're mad at him for an illogical reason. Forgive him even when he's not sorry, or even if he doesn't know he did something wrong."  ....  I think this applies here.  Sounds like your DH hasn't done anything wrong, but in your heart you still need to forgive him for whatever imaginary resentments you have, ya know?

    But I would FOR SURE lay down the law about the tv. That is NOT cool.  I have the tv on all day long in my house, but DD only sees it when she happens to be facing that direction. If he's not going to interact with her, then maybe a better choice would be daycare.

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  • TatstarTatstar
    Well in our situation I also spent the last few years getting my degree and the way things are with us right now, I'm the main breadwinner.  There are times when I get a little resentful because he gets to stay home with little man, but most of the time I just consider myself grateful that we are in a position that we don't have to take him to daycare and that he and his daddy are getting such quality time together. He loves his daddy and DH is really enjoying their time and that's just priceless.  He and I were bonded immediately and over the first 8 weeks I was home we set up our mommy/baby thing pretty strongly.  Now DH gets to have some of that time and love, which I think is awesome.  I just make sure that the time I get with baby boy is quality and that we have a lot of fun together too.  My working makes sure that he is fed and that our family is taken care of, and that's a big responsibility.
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  • brinbribrinbri member

    I think that returning to work is hard no matter what.  If my DH got to stay home with LO while I worked I would have a really hard time with that. 

    However if is was something that was previously agreed upon or assumed then I would go ahead and do it (even though I know I wouldn't want to.)  I work full time now and when LO was two months I had a really hard time with the fact that I had to go back to work in a month.  There was lots of tears and frustration and fights with DH but in the long run we agreed to have a baby as long as I was okay with continuing to work for now, so back to work I went.  Now that we are in a schedule it seems to be working okay even though I still hate that I have to work. 

    Is there anyway you can both work at your company or you can hash a part time job?  Does your DH know how much it is tearing you up?


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  • prego760prego760 member

    It was very very hard for me to go back to work while H stayed home with the baby all week. I would sit here at my desk and in my mind think I could be doing a better job then him and he's probably putting baby in his crib and letting him scream and not cuddling him or reading him stories or anything. But I was wrong, my husband and son have the greatest relationship. They go to the park and they dance and listen to music and play games and talk and roll around on the floor. They also nap and make food and go visit grandma. Unfortunately for me my husband is going to stop working nights in April and will be attending the Sheriffs academy and I am not yet sure who is going to be staying with my son. Enjoy the fact that your husband if not you is going to be there for your child. Also some daddies dont get the opportunity to have that kind of bonding time and its a beautiful thing when they do. SAHD are special.

    All in all its a sacrifice I have had to make going to work to support my family and through flexible scheduling I have been able to only work 4 days a week so I can spend 3 days a week completely dedicated to my baby. And maybe as you continue on this path and continue building this company, you will eventually be able to spend more time at home and entrust others to manage.

    I really could go on and on about this but if you need any pep talks or support feel free to PM me.

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  • Dreamsicle23Dreamsicle23 member
    What were you doing before?  If you and DH run a business why can't you continue to do that?
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  • smm010108smm010108
    Thank you ladies for your support and honesty. To answer the last question, I was working in the company, but only until it got off the ground. I knew that I was going to have to return to work one day, but I had no idea how much holding Audrey would change how I felt about that. We're heading into the slowest time for the company (it's tree work - not many people want to get that stuff done in the winter unless it's an emergency), which is why he'll be able to stay home and just work the weekends while I'm home. We would be okay financially if I weren't to go back, but it would be tight and that scares me to no end b/c I just don't like living that way. So I know it's the responsible thing to do, I'm just so frustrated b/c it feels like he's forcing me back to work when I'm not ready, and as soon as we heard about this job all ideas about him taking a week job to supplement to business went away (which saying that makes me sound horrible to myself).
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