DH is freaking out

whispergrrl · November 2010

I'm only halfway through my 2WW for this cycle, and DH is already freaking out about the potential of having to do another cycle.

Why is he freaking out, you ask? Because the RE said if we don't get pregnant this cycle, he is recommending that we move back up to injectibles again...but instead of TI that we would do IUI.

DH said he isn't comfortable with that. He said he doesn't understand why he would suggest doing that "so soon". I reminded DH that while this is our first cycle with the RE, we did 6 medicated and 2 non-medicated cycles with the gyn. I also pointed out that this cycle makes 3 that we have had follicles able to trigger, and that I had heard that a lot of doctors will have you try something 3 times before moving on to another protocol. Since we have done TI for every cycle, it makes sense to me that he would move to IUI. Yes, it scares me, but I trust my doctor.

DH said it is emasculating. He feels like crap because he "can't get the job done". I had to remind him that the problem doesn't lie with him...it is MY body that doesn't work right. That IUI isn't a reflection on his manhood. *sigh*

After arguing about it for quite some time yesterday, he finally said "whatever it takes, we will do"...but I just fear that he is going to freak out even more if we really do have to do IUI.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Where the issue is with you, no probs with DH, and he freaks out at having to do IUI?

jessican08 · November 2010

I'm sorry he's freaking out...my DH was hesitant to go to an RE too but now he's OK with it. He HATES having to "do his thing" in a cup and he won't do it at their office. He's very "old fashioned" about sex for some reason so the thought of doing that in a place other than home was scary for him...he does his sample at home and we bring it in (we only live 25 mins. from RE office) and he complains about it every cycle but...it is what it is...I can see how it's demoralizing for a guy...they're supposed to have super sperm that can overcome any issue but unfortunately, that's not reality. I know it helped my DH a lot to show him we weren't alone in this...he was shocked when we finally went to the RE and he saw how many other people deal with IF in our city (the waiting room was packed). Good luck!

DeputiesWife · November 2010

I am so sorry about your DH - mine has felt the same on different occasions that he cant get the job done -- I said well, unfortunately we dont really know what is wrong.

I may suggest that if you do go in for IUI's that perhaps you can collect and home and 'help'....MH feels more comfortable with this -- he actually prefers it.

IUI's really arent that bad -- you also DTD when you trigger and that night after the procedure...this was our protocol, therefore if and when you get a bfp you dont really know it was the IUI

here is me being hopeful!

sed722 · November 2010

I'm sorry about that, their egos are so sensitive. Has he come to the appointments with you? I know that seeing some of the other guys at the office helped my DH see that he wasn't the only one.

Nature Lover · November 2010

I have found with DH that wtih every decision that has come up he has taken longer to process the information (probably because he is not thinking about it obsessively every second of the day and reading everything under the sun like I am!) and when I back up and give him time/space he comes around on his own.

He didn't even watn to get the SA and cancelled 2 appointments I made for him but after I finally stopped pressuring him he scheduled his own appt. We have also talked about adoption if it comes to that and he was dead set against it but then weeks later he brought it up out of the blue and said he's ok with it now if that's what it comes to. I was so shocked! He had watched how upsetting and painful the HSG was for me and then how devestating the results were and says he doesn't want to ahve to watch me go through everything that is involved with invasive treatments if we decide that's not for us. So we still don't know what we're going to do and are still gathering info but my only point is that it jsut takes him longer. I don't know how/why he doesn't think about it every minute like I do but thank goodness he doesn't or he would be as nutty as I am becoming at this point!

whispergrrl · November 2010

Thanks, ladies. I think DH was really thinking the RE could work magic. He was against going to an RE in the beginning...we had a HUGE fight about it....but once we started seeing him, DH got really positive about it. He was very much against having the SA done...but finally did it begrudgingly, and pretty much said "told you so" when everything came back ok. I think those results convinced DH that he could definitely get me pregnant. So, when the RE turned around and suggested IUI as a next step if this cycle doesn't work out, I really think it just made DH go WTF?! *laughs*

We may not be on the same page, but he does seem to eventually end up somewhere close to me! Like someone else said, maybe it is just because we, as women, tend to overthink everything every minute of the day (or so it feels like), and our husbands don't...so when something like this comes up, we expect it, but it seems out of left field for our DH?

Want a personalized experience?

DH is freaking out

Re: DH is freaking out

Choose Another Board

Search Boards