Attachment Parenting
Does anyone know much about RIE?
It stands for Resources for Infant Educarers, and it seems like kind on an interesting philosophy....treating infants as people rather than objects (i.e. telling them you're going to pick them up before doing it), narrating goings-on to them, getting rid of all the noise-toys. However, one of the things they teach is that you shouldn't sing or rock your baby. WHA???? I can't, for the life of me, figure out why not and I can't find it online. Does anyone know about this approach?
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Re: Does anyone know much about RIE?
This!
I know nothing about RIE but maybe they feel it is "infantilizing" (sp?!) them since we dont' usually rock/sing to other adults? Sounds silly to me though!
Oh, that would make sense....(I mean, not ACTUAL sense, but in the context of the philosophy, haha.)
DH was just singing to me today while he was getting ready for work, does that mean he was "infantilizing" me? As for the rocking, I still completely calm down/zone out/fall asleep during any kind of sustained motion like long car or train rides.
I'm with pp, the no singing/no rocking thing sounds like a "wackadoo component." But I don't know anything else about RIE.
Rocking has been scientifically shown to soothe by stimulating the vestibular system in the brain. Adults have hammocks & boats, babies have rocking chairs, slings & swings.
Definitely whackadoodle, although the rest of it sounds interesting.
I used to get insomnia before DS was born...after he was born and I spent so much time rocking him I realized that it put ME to sleep. If I ever can't sleep, now I know what to do!
And I don't think that's the only whackadoo thing about it....
All I know about it is what I found when I came across Janet Lansbury's site, and she comes across as whackadoodle sometimes as well.
The basic point of RIE seems to be respecting your infant as a person which to me is very AP. Another major point is allowing your child free exploration during their awake time (no swings/jumpers/centers/carriers(notAP) etc.) while you have "you" time and then focusing your love and nurturing during feeding, changing etc. All the references I've found dealing with sleep are vague but I'm curious as to the philosophy.
For a while Lansbury liked to make a big show of belittling her version of AP but here recent posts seem pretty toned down. Magda Gerber (the "founder" of RIE) has a book or two but there are none in our state libraries. I'd like to read it eventually out of curiosity.
Got it! Sent you one back!
I tried to read her book but when she got to horseplay being disrespectful and tickling (of any kind) being abuse I had to stop.
It felt very montessori/reggio/waldorf in that it focuses on respecting the child and assuming that your baby is intelligent...but then falls short of actually following your child's leads.
I remember reading the paragraph about horseplay out loud to husband and then saying "Wonder what she would say about horseplay if she saw Baz try and dive out of my arms just so I'll hold him upside down while he shrieks hilariously?" seriously - at the mall yesterday that was all he would do. And when I transferred him to the football hold he spun and spun until I almost dropped him. Magda would have been APPALLED.
So was StarlitRN write about the singing/rocking part or was it something else? I'm really dying to know, since singing and rocking are such strong mothering instincts....
The emphasis on assuming your baby is intelligent and worth of respect is something that I honestly don't see in many parenting philosophies, so it piqued my curiosity. But you're so right: how can you be "respectful" of your baby if he CLEARLY loves horseplay and tickling and you refuse to do it? Strange, strange, strange. But not boring, anyway!
Not being snarky, but I am honestly curious about what this "free exploration" time involves for a small infant. I just realized recently that DD probably preferred to be held while sleeping in the early days because she was not comfortable lying flat on her back. She hated tummy time as well. For these reasons, our inclined bouncer chair and swing were amazing for her and would give me some downtime to eat or take a shower, activities that I skipped all too much in those early days. I would love to know how she could have freely explored the world around her if I just put her on the floor? She didn't have the muscle control yet to be doing anything but lying flat on her tummy or back then.
I had the same thoughts when I read that and was just going to post the same thing.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
from what I gathered at this age (which I honestly skimmed because by the time I got the book Baz was already crawling) is that this is time where the baby is safe and comfortable and happy and is observing/enjoying the environment (which, again, is a Montessori infant overlap)
I counted it when we would walk to the park and I would leave him either on the blanket or in his stroller and let him look at the trees and the birds and eat his toes or whatever while I ate lunch and read. Those were nice days. Now I spend my time rescuing him from himself ;-)
As for singing and reading and such - I don't think I got to that part - or it was in what I skimmed because he was already too old.
Not snarky at all. I find this to be the most incredulous part of the whole thing. Basically it's creating a safe space for LO to lie on their back awake with toys/household objects that are within reach and allowing them to learn on their own how to change positions etc.
I'm pretty certain if creating a safe space for your infant so they would entertain themselves was that easy we wouldn't have a multi-billion dollar infant toy/gear industry. I'm very skeptical of the toy industry but I'm pretty certain parents aren't buying all this stuff because "well, my child will lay by themselves with a cheap bowl for large chunks of time but I want them to have this flashing gizmo". Lansbury presents it (to me) as a "of course babies want time to themselves to explore their world and we always interrupt them and give them too much which is why they are unhappy and then you create a viscious cycle and end up holding them all the time". I don't buy it.
I am however, more cognizant of not interrupting M and I think there's a valid point in there about jumping in to a baby/child's independent play too often and I will likely pay a bit more attention to making sure even in the infant phase if LO2 is happy and content by themselves I not interrupt them.
also, it was my understanding that the "not rocking/singing" thing was more like a caution against doing it all the time - sometimes kids just need to cry it out. as an adult, i sometimes feel like i just need a good cry, you know? granted that could be the pregnancy hormones but i do feel better when i let it all out. so you don't continually have to shush or calm or entertain or distract them to keep them from suffering or crying - let them vent and work it out, while still being supportive and nearby. that's what i took from it, anyway.
Things I like about RIE:
That the general philosophy is respecting your child as a whole person (same reason I love AP!)
The "wait and observe" approach- I learn so much about DS by watching him and holding back my reaction, which helps me be a better mother to him.
"Active toys create passive babies, passive toys create active babies." I tell this to all the moms in my infant Kindermusik classes! It's so true!
Watching my son figure things out on his own is ten times more satisfying than doing it for him, even if it takes longer.
The approach to food seems to be right in line with BLW.
Things I don't love:
In her book, Magda Gerber advocates for the Ferber method. I disagree with any type of CIO sleep training. You can respect a child as you would an adult without expecting him to behave like an adult. And infant sleep patterns just aren't the same as adults. Respecting the stage they're in means allowing them to wake you in the night if they need you.
She's against a sling or carrier. Whaaa? How can you live??
I guess I'll just take what I like and ignore the rest!?