"But you both are so young" ...so tired of hearing that. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

"But you both are so young" ...so tired of hearing that.

Every time my DH and/or I have to explain what has happened to our baby to a stranger (i.e church member, friend of our parents, or acquaintance) they don't really know what to say so they say things like "God will help you through it"(not that I don't agree with that one), or "it will be ok", or "You are both still young so you will be ok"...WTH!??? How can you be so sure that we will have no trouble conceiving or that this will not happen again????? They kill me with that response "Oh you guys are still pretty young" I just want to say "SO, What does that mean!??!"  I think that even one of my mom's co-workers made the same comment! )my mom works in an OB office!

Have any of you gotten the same remarks? 

Re: "But you both are so young" ...so tired of hearing that.

  • How about "well, at least we know you get pregnant easily." We got pregnant on our first try, but who can say that will happen again?
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  • We saw a perinatologist after the still birth of our daughter due to the lateness of the loss and the fact that they found nothing wrong. And... Of ALL people... he wS the only one to use that line on us. So sorry for your loss. It's hard, and I'm still having trouble doing this, but I've been told by many that we just need to brush these comments aside. People don't know what to say and tho they think they are comforting us, it is actually very hurtful.
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  • image mgduke19:
    How about "well, at least we know you get pregnant easily." We got pregnant on our first try, but who can say that will happen again?

    YUP! Same here, we got pregnant so easily....and people say that all the time....SHUT UP! 

    I guess like the other poster said we need to just brush them off.

  • image mgduke19:
    How about "well, at least we know you get pregnant easily." We got pregnant on our first try, but who can say that will happen again?

    THIS!!!  Or the variation of "Well at least you aren't infertile".  Oh gee thanks that makes up for the two babies i've lost.

  • It irritates me to no end!  Like what does being young have to do with anything?  I've lost 2 little girls, between the ages 24 and 27,  and I just have major problems.  Would I still get that same statement if I was 40? Nope!
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  • I have gotten the "your young" and "at least you know you can get pregnant" alot-people think they are helping but don't understand that being young and being able to get pregnant a) don't bring your baby back-and you loved THAT baby and b) doesn't make the fact that you are so scared of it happening again any easier. I'm sorry you're having to deal with people who mean well but say the wrong thing!

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  • I think that I am tired of graciously smiling and nodding...I just want to look at them with a blank stare, but then that would make things really uneasy wouldn't it?  Wink
  • Yup.  We were young (25) when I had my first miscarriage.  Now 5 years later, I'm starring 30 in the face and still no kids to show for it.  I hate the responses from people who don't know what to say. An "I'm sorry" and a hug would go a long way!
  • "How about "well, at least we know you get pregnant easily." We got pregnant on our first try, but who can say that will happen again?"
     
    Completely agree with that one.  Sure, we got pregnant easily..... and we didn't seem to have any trouble losing the pregnancy either. :(  I've heard all the other ones you mentioned as well.  It seems no one knows the right thing to say - even other couples who have been through it, surprisingly.  Another one that bothers me is, "When it happened to us, we realized we weren't ready for a baby yet" and that maybe it's giving us time to make sure we're fully prepared.  No, actually, we were trying and we're ready.... thanks.
     
    To be honest, when my sister miscarried, I probably didn't say anything helpful either.  I now realize the universal response should be, "I'm so sorry that you're going through this.  If there is anything I can do, let me know."  Anything else just seems to make it worse.
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