Teen Sson's birthday issues
So Sson (age 17) who's been having issues with us called a week before his bday. He is on restriction for a bunch of things and cannot hang out with friends. But we agreed to allow him to hang out with friends on his bday. Our only "but" was that he must spend 4 hours with us celebrating ..so we can take him out, give him gifts, and cake. He happily agreed. When he called he said that his friends are hanging out from 9 AM - 6 PM. He'd have the evening with us (it's our day to have him by the way). My husband agreed that would be ok. We'd do dinner, etc with him.
So his bday arrives, he hangs out with friends and then calls us to say he doesn't want to come in the PM. He wants to stay with them. My husband absolutely disagrees and tells him to come home. Sson is angry. He comes homes and refuses to leave for our dinner out. So my husband goes to pick up food and brings it back. The second my husband pulls up, bmom pulls in and says sson called her to come get him. She takes him home to her house. We never got to give him his gifts or anything. My husband was angry but ran to the fridge and got his cake and told him to take it with him.
This happened a few weeks ago. He hasn't been back since, refusing to come. I have a few hundred dollars worth of gifts for him, mostly from my family and a couple gifts from my husband and I. It's all in giftcards. My family keeps asking if he got the gifts and I have to say he hasn't been here and try to leave it alone but it's getting awkward. My husband thinks we shouldn't give him our gift at all. What would you all do? What about the gifts from my family? Do we just wait until he decides to come over and then give him all the stuff? We are concerned to give him the giftcards at his mom's because he may sell them for cash, and cash is bad for him. We wanted to give them here so my husband can immediately take him to go spend them on decent things. Any input?
Re: Teen Sson's birthday issues
If this was my child, my step child or biological child, I would be taking all that shizz back. That is unacceptable behavior.
I'm actually a bit peeved your H sent the cake home with him.
BM shouldn't have come to get him. She and your H should have talked about what happened, and she should have seen he was acting like a brat and made him face the music. Have your H and BM talked about this? This is something they should be co-parenting on. He is using them against eachother. "I don't like the rules here, so I"m going to my moms". I don't remember if they are on good terms or not, though.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
In my eyes he should get nothing. Either the gift cards are returned to their senders or donated to charity. At 17 he should know the behavior that is expected of him and have some understanding of how his bahavior affects others. He's disrespectful and unappreciative.
BM sounds sounds like a total inabler. Some may disagree with me but I agree with the PPs all the way.
This. 100%
[color=#FF0000]Mom to 5 girls 23,22,18,9,7 and one sweet Wonderboy almost 4[/color]
The Chaos of Six!
Thanks guys. I am returning our gifts and I am going to give back my families gifts and suggest maybe they just hold them till xmas if they wish.
Obviously there is communication issues with mom and dad here. Sson's issues are big and we've been trying to work on it, although it's very difficult when we can't get him here most times. I'm not blaming mom but it really really does not help that she is not on the same page. This is not the first time where he got angry and called mom and she came right away to pick him up. We used to tell her to refuse to come and she disputed that, but in the end she didn't come one day and he ended up running away. We couldn't find him for about 10 hours and were calling to report it. We don't want that to happen again hence not really fighting that she came this time.
My husband overcompensates sometimes ... which is why he sent sson home with the cake. Mom and dad have had big battles in the past and the kids got put in the middle on occasion (not on purpose). My husband feels all that caused them damage, which wasn't their fault whatsoever, and then he overcompensates in other ways.
the work continues...
no gifts for him in my opinion and i would be pissed BM playe into it. Just tell him your only hurting yourself people here love you and your pushing us away. Don't give him any attention at all or invite hime over or call-nothing. next step comes from him, he is 17 almost an adult and sounds like he has had so much attention and love he needs a dose of reality of what it's like when you don't seem to mind him not being around or giveing to him, bet it won't be long till you get a call when the balls not in his court.