I am sorry -- I am currently working out some major emotional and stress issues (I am also 34 weeks pregnant, so I think my hormones have totally screwed with my "you shouldn't really say that" censor)
Anyway -- I find myself feeling guilty and angry at the fact that I have to work full time (Im an attorney so its a stressful job at that) and manage a schedule of a son with ASD. [at this point a cut in pay is not an option, altho I am constantly searching for a more flexible position, unfortunately the legal field isn't the best place for that]
I feel like if I had more "time" to just concentrate on being a mom - I would be a better mom. Dont get me wrong - I am not saying that it will all be peaches and creme if I was SAHM - but at least I would feel like it is my choice and I am devoting my time to my son and my family. Instead of feelingI jealous and bitter of all the other moms that get to pick up and drop off their kids at school and drop in to observe - or take them to other therapies outside of our Pre-k Program to supplement their child's treatment (my son is in a full time ABA pre-school).
And I talk to the other moms (in a class of 6 kids I am the only FT working mom) and I like them all - but they all seem really engrossed in the diagnosis and the treatments and the support groups and the lectures and fundraisers and 5ks..... and I want to be that too, I just cant do it. First, its not that I just dont have the time or flexibility to do it - but also and mentally I feel like I can only absorb my son's ASD and treatment - a spoonful at a time (if that makes sense), just to get through the day and tolerate all the other - more immediate job-related stresses in my life.
sorry - I just needed to wine a bit. and ironically now I feel like a big jerk because I probably should feel lucky that I have a job.