Pre-School and Daycare
I feel like a horrible parent! :(
Hey guys, I just wanted to ask any of you if you smack your 2 year old when they misbehave? My daughter is a very good 2 year old most of the time and rarely misbehaves. She really isn't your typical tantrum throwing, misbehaving 2 year old, and on most occasions we discipline her by putting her on time out, and she listens. Ofcourse she'll cry but after words I ask her if she done and she'll stop crying and say yes. On RARE occasions she'll start screaming when she wants something or she fights me by screaming when she doesnt want to go to bed. I tell her first that she needs to go to bed (she's been on a schedule since 3 months old) so shes very much aware of her daily routines and has no problem walking to her room to lay down to bed. Anyhow, but at times she chooses not to listen and throws a hissy fit. I tell her to relax or mommy is gonna smack you, and only way she'll stop completely is if i smack her on the legs or the butt 3-4 times. She'll then stop immediately and goes to bed w/o a sound or she'll stop asking for what she cannot have after screaming for it. Am I the only one that does this? I don't want her to end up hating me for it but between me and daddy I am the disciplinary one and she only listens to me. Daddy talks firm with her when need to but he'd never lay a hand on her nor will he ever which is a good thing but i feel like im the bad parent.
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Re: I feel like a horrible parent! :(
You are opening a can of worms on this board posing a question like this - most will flame you.
We do use a swat periodically on our DD but only as a last resort. We redirect, use time out, etc but there are times when she has gotten a swat on the bottom. I don't think this makes us terrible parents and there is a significant difference in spanking a child and abuse. For some kids a spanking would not help the situation.
I will not flame you, but I will say that I do not smack my child, and I do not believe it is the best way to parent.
I understand the urge, please don't misunderstand. There have been times when I have been beyond frustrated, at my wits end, and I have at those times considered whether or not a smack would improve the situation. Ultimately though, my brain takes over my basic human instinct and I choose another path, even if it means I have to walk away for a minute. The last thing you want to do is get into a power struggle with your 2 year old.
The thing is, there are much more effective methods of parenting in difficult situations than to resort to physical violence (a smack). And who doesn't want to be more effective? It's not that you are a bad parent, as I can only assume you posted here to see what you could learn. I also assume that you want your DC to grow up to be a kind, respectful child with whom you have a good relationship. I believe that having a good relationship with a child can only come through respect, not fear. Fear, and resentment, may come of the current method. (That's not to say you shouldn't discipline - you SHOULD, but finding a respectful and effective way to do it will yeild the best results for you and DC)
I think that coming here is a good thing, because hopefully, you will get some good advice (not flames) on a better way. Also, check out the library for books on positive discipline, search the internet for articles.
I recm'd this book: https://tinyurl.com/232sc9d
It's called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan, PhD. Your library should have it - I found it very helpful with my DC.
Here are a few internet articles too, to get you started: https://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
Remember two things - first, changing will take practice. It will be difficult for you to change at first, and your DC might take a while to come around, but it will be worth it - when she's 8, or 18, you'll be grateful. Second, if you don't do any further reading, please remember that it is important to act with intention, not just react.
I wish you the best in your journey to becoming the best parent you can be. GL.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
No, we don't smack/spank our girls. I'm suprised so many people still do these with all the research out there. If you feel like a horrible parent do something to change it.
Ditto. You know in your heart what is and is not good parenting. If it feels wrong, it is.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
If this is making you feel like a horrible parent then choose a different method. There are plenty of ways to discipline that do not involve hitting. There are lots of resources online and at the library about positive discipline methods. Parenting a 2 year old is not easy (and truthfully 3 is harder), but it is possible to raise a child without hitting, spanking or swatting them.
One of the primary reasons that we don't hit our child is because we tell her it is wrong to hit us, to hit her friends or to hit her brother.
What are you going to say to your daughter when she swats her twin siblings because they aren't behaving?