Halloween and Update
ambrvan
member
So DH told BM weeks ago that as long as her mother went with them, she could take SD trick-or-treating or to their Halloween church function or whatever. BM hasn't gotten in touch with us or SD in over two weeks (last time she answered the phone to SD she told her she didn't have time to talk), and she never showed up, of course, for Halloween last night.
DS has the sniffles so I kept him in for his first Halloween. And I broke my glasses at work on Friday so am not doing good at all. My nose is touching the screen to type this, and I can't even find my way to the mailbox outside. I had to have DH pre-measure DS's meds and put them in the fridge for me because I can't read the measurements on the dropper to know how much I am giving him. There is no way I was going to try to walk around in the dark last night.
Anyway, so DH took SD trick-or-treating last night with his dad, step-mom, and her 9yo son. They had a blast. And fortunately, SD didn't know that BM was "supposed" to be the one taking her out last night so she never new anything was missing.
As far as court goes, we haven't heard anything on dates. We have an order of protection saying that BM cannot be around SD unless supervised by DH or her mother. DH said she can come see SD whenever she likes, and if it would make her more comfortable, I offered to take DS and go to FIL's or someone's house when she comes or they can meet at the park if it's nice weather. DH also told her that even though the new visitation schedule has not gone through yet, he will let her take SD EOW as long as she abides by the order of protection and stays at her parents' house and her mother is with her from PU to DO (just like it was before).
So far, BM has seen SD once for 20 minutes at our house, and not once has she wanted to get her for her weekend or talk to her on the phone or anything. Her exH has taken her other two kids under the same conditions as us and she has not seen them at all. Her exH even moved to TN from Wyoming to keep the kids close to her. We have talked to BM's mother once and she said it's like BM is falling off the face of the Earth. She'll disappear for a while and then pop up for a minute just to duck out again when someone sees her.
We're supposed to be having a CS hearing on the 9th (in relation to the old CO, though). So we don't really know what to expect or if she'll show up or what's going to happen since everything has changed since then... Either way, it doesn't matter to us whether or not we get CS (according the to old CO we wouldn't).
Re: Halloween and Update
She reminds me of DH's ex. Except on her weekends she sees him like 6 1/2 hours. She doesn't try to get him on her designated night during the week. With SS they said if she didn't show up he could ask for whatever he wanted and it would most likely be granted. She missed pre trial for the CO & CS. Lucky for her she showed up on trial date, so she at least got the every other weekend visitation, had she not they would have requested 2 days a month, supervised.
BTW, hope you get your glasses fixed soon, or there is no way you're reading this very well. I hate when that happens, my daughter broke mine when I was working, I swear I felt like the biggest freak alive because I was like 2 inches from the computer at work trying to read the notes on the dang account for a customer. lol.
I don't see anywhere in your post that BM requested Halloween. Why do you say she was 'supposed to have her' if you hadn't heard from her in two weeks?
Also I didn't see the need for the big story preceding the fact that your DH actually took her trick-or-treating. She went out with your DH - perfect. There are enough martyrs in the world without you dragging a sick baby out or stumbling around blindly in the dark. You didn't go, but BD did, you don't need an essay to justify it.
Anyhow no doubt that the BM in your case is a useless piece of sh!t, BUT, don't expect that to change anytime soon, because it sounds like everyone, including you, enables her.
Leave your house so she can come visit SD - are you fvcking kidding me??? Her ex moved state to be near her with her other kids. No matter what she does you DH still gives her EOW. Her mother opens her house to her to supervise visits. Holy *** how many people can pander to this lady.
Look you guys sound like good parents so just get a CO and start providing a safe environment for this child. At this point I am going to say that the more stability SD has at your house and the LESS involvement she has with BM the better. If BM wants to duck-and-dive for a few years - good. Then when SD is older and better able to protect herself and express herself she can decide if she wants to see her.
STOP enabling BM. Maybe if she has to actually fight to see her kids she will make the effort. If she actually thinks there is a chance she could lose them she will step up. Presently all she has got is the freedom to duck and dive and the opportunity to see ALL her kids whenever she likes.
Phantom, I cheered when I read all of this. But then I realized having been in a similar situation, you do reschedule at BM's whim, or drive the kids 5 hours or whatever, NOT for BM's sake but for the kids, to try to prevent some of the heartache. You can't force a woman to be interested in her own kids, but at least you can say you tried. Don't be too hard on OP for a bassackward situation.
I will ditto all of this, there are plenty of other legitimate reasons to be hard on her.