Would Developmental Delays Change your Mind?
arobert123
member
So this week my DD was diagnosed with slight developmental delays. At 7 months, she is at the level of a 3 month old for cognitive development, social/emotional development, and physical development. I am not surprised by the diagnosis, and I am very confident that with therapy she will be caught up within a year (if not less).
My question, is would this diagnosis affect your decision to work? I currently work FT at a job I love, but for the first time I took a real pause this week and am questioning if my working is the best thing for DD (and DS too). If I was home more, I could be repeating therapy with her daily and keep a closer eye on things. But, there is also a benefit from her being around her peers.
I am going to talk to my employer next week about reducing my hours - maybe I can get the best of both worlds? My biggest concern with that is they will reduce my pay and benefits, but not my responsibility.
There is just so much to take into consideration - but what it all boils down to is doing what's best for the children. How do I go about making that decision? DH has been pretty quiet about the whole thing, but I am going to push him on it this weekend.
Any thoughts or advice you have would be appreciated. I'm still trying to wrap my head around things and am stuck in "analysis paralysis". Thanks.
Re: Would Developmental Delays Change your Mind?
I would stay home in a heart-beat
Hey! Spenjamins and I agree!
I think I'd definitely find a way to SAH. Good luck making a decision!
I would first try the part time, then a leave of absence and then quit if i had to. Staying at home, at this point, is much more important than work. You'll find another job later.
Also, if your daughter doesn't improve in a year aren't you going to feel like yoi not being there might have contributed? Another thing to factor in is the stress this is going to take on your family and your marriage.
I agree with the PP, I would 100% stay home.
That's our situation as well. The only way we could really do it is if we walked away from our house and moved in with family. And that would probably disrupt a child as well. I would try to go part time and definitely take a leave if I thought it would help.
have you looked to see if you have a developmental/special needs daycare in your area? We found an "Inclusive" daycare that we almost used for our son (some motor delays, severe allergies and asthma). For him a large center wasn't a good option because of his allergies, but the center was pretty fantastic for motor stuff. They have PT/OT on site and will do therapies during the day.
Right now we're balancing it all with me still working. Right now it works. If he does need more therapy, more doctors etc. that might change.
I would stay home if I really thought that it would benefit the child and it was financially possible. I would have to be certain though that my staying home was in fact the most beneficial route for my child. I am not qualified to administer therapy, nor do I have any training in early childhood development, therefore I would actually be more inclined to hire a professional caregiver that could work with her in ways that I wouldn't know how to.
Who has your benefits that would get your LO help? Can you afford the care she needs if you are on just DH's salary and benefits?
Personally, I'd probably work part time so I could afford the best care for her. When I was at work, she could get treatments. I don't think I could care for her as well as a trained professional. I think she'd make bigger strides with someone else helping her since I have no training.
This would be a long conversation this weekend. In my case, the amount of stress it would put on DH to be the single income for our family in a poor economy, in a time that we would need more help than ever would be really hard for him, as would telling me "no" to the SAH question. Go over the budget and really look at things. Then do a heart to heart about it. GL. There are no easy answers here.
met DH 1995 ~ married DH 2006 ~ completed our family 2008
Life is good!
This. I would still have to work, but I would find a way to get my child the help/therapy that they needed while in daycare or at home with a nanny.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
It depends. If quitting had no real impact on our financial situation then yes, I would quit in a heartbeat. But if there was a question that my not working would negatively impact the financial situation, I would follow the pp's advice. Talk to the experts, see what is involved in the required care and who is the best person to carry it out. Can we afford the care if I'm not working, etc. I would also ask what they have seen give the best outcomes. I would make my decision based on that.
Good luck.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
Depends on the child care available to me and the programs I could get my child into. My Aunt started an inclusive daycare. They have on staff OT and PT, and work with plans for each child. They have parapros in the classrooms for many students. It goes from 6 weeks to 5 years. I think it would be hard to offer the kind of support that they get from the program at the daycare she founded. It is kind of a model program. I also live beside an inclusive daycare. They have both 6 weeks to 5 years and adults with disabilities. I would venture to say that they have any kind of therapist your child would need on staff. They serve over 300 kids and adults everyday. The daycare is about 1 to 5, difficulty to typical in the daycare, and again, they have parapros in every room.
If my only option was an average daycare, I would weigh that with the needs of my family for money. Therapies are so expensive and often not well covered. Some children need care their whole lives and the extra money can make a big difference in their adult lives.
It is a hard decision. A good friend has been struggling with this for 8 years. She has tried a variety of different child care options, from live in Au Pairs to inclusive daycare, working full time corporate, part time corporate, full time small business (more flexible), and now works part time managing a large doctors office, which is way below what she is capable of, but works for the care her DD needs right now.
We have EI (Early Intervention) services come to our child care and older tots get bused in out for very good interventions.
So, I'd investigate both plans before I decide - one for child care an one for SAH.
My DD has been diagnosed with several developmental delays, including a severe expressive language delay and a moderate impairment in feeding skills. She is showing some signs of autism, and I fear that we may get a diagnosis along those lines in the future. Right now I think that it is best that I stay home with her to provide plenty of attention and language stimulation. I am not a childhood development expert, but I've been reading a lot and her therapists give me advice on things to do at home to promote her development.
I do try to get her exposed to other children because it is good for her to have a peer group. At some point I would like to work part-time and put her in daycare. However, right now she does not feed herself due to her tactile defensiveness, and DH and I feed her every bite of food. After she is able to feed herself, I would like to put her in some kind of daycare. I suppose a nanny could feed her if she did not, but then DD probably wouldn't be around other kids, so that's why we would prefer a daycare.
Thank you all for your insight and thoughts. I definitely hadn't thought of specialized daycare, or how I'd feel if she doesn't catch up.
We have a busy few weeks - doctor appointments, therapy starts tomorrow, and busy work weeks for the grown ups. Plus DH got in a car accident on Friday (ugh - but everyone is Ok, so PHEW!).
So as we meet with a few additional specialists in the next 2 weeks, we are going to discuss with them what they think the best situation for DD is and respond accordingly. I really do think she will benefit from being around her peers, so I am hesitant to completely pull her from daycare. Fortunately, our health benefits are from DHs job and we are financial stable enough so that I don't have to work. I have just never thought I was cut out to be a full time sahm. It seems as though life has a different plan for me
Thanks again for your input - I hope we'll have this all figured out soon!
If you want to talk offline let me know or check the SN board. There are plenty of working moms of special needs kids. I work full time and my daughter has global developmental delays likely caused by a genetic disorder we have not been able to identify. She is 18 months and is about 6 months behind. She started EI at 4 months. We schedule her sessions for early in the morning so we can be there for most of them (from 8-9 and fortunately my husband and I both can go into work after 9) and now we have scheduled an additional session for school. I carry the health insurance as well as provide more than 50% of our income so me not working was not even a question. Our therapists continuously praise our involvement with our daughter and she has made a lot of progress. She continues to make progress each week. There are times when I wish I could spend more time working with her but the reality is she has low tone and gets tired easily so even if I were home, we would not be working with her all day because she can't handle it. She is in a typical daycare where she gets a ton of attention. When we became aware of the extent of the delays, I wondered whether she'd be better off in a one on one situation, but we sat down with the director of our daycare and she assured us they would do anything we asked. So now we have the therapists do sessions at daycare so the teachers can work with her too - and they have. Now that my daughter is crawling and working on walking, being around other kids is a huge motivation for her. She really wants to be able to walk like the other kids. And for talking it's the same - she hears talking all day long at school which is great for her. As much as I wish I had more time, I think working is sometimes good for me mentally because it prevents me from obsessing about her condition. We see 7 doctors for various issues and she now has 3 therapists. It's a lot to manage with a full time job but we do the best we can. My feelings might be different if she weren't making so much progress, so you may just want to keep yourself open to adjusting your possibilities as time goes on. If you ever want to talk offline let me know. I understand your situation and it's a very tough one!