Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting
Parenting
New Discussion

Concerns about DS in school

kellnbrikellnbri
in Parenting
DS goes to preschool 3 half days a week.  They just got their "progress reports" and the teacher indicated that he has not yet made any friends.  He always comes home and tells me about 2 kids in the class that he plays with though.  The teacher recommends that he have playdates to form some friendships.  We have a conference tomorrow so I can discuss this more with her...but would you be concerned.  I watch kids in my home and he has plenty of interaction with other children.  He is a kid that if someone doesnt want to play what he wants than he just plays by himself. 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Concerns about DS in school

  • CleoKittyCleoKitty member

    My ds is in a combined preschool/kindergarten class. The teachers tell us that he's very friendly and pleasant with the other kids, and that he gets along well with everyone but that he isn't particularly close with anyone. He'd rather focus on his work when at school. This is his third year in the class and it's been that way from the beginning.

    We do regularly get together with various classmates at the park and he always has a blast playing with them. Again, I see the same thing: plays with everyone, friendly and easy going around other kids, but I wouldn't exactly call them good friends, you know? 

    I don't worry about it. I can honestly and without bias say that ds is one of the most emotionally well-adjusted kids that I've ever known. He has two very close friends (neither of whom attend his school) who he sees regularly, has frequent (almost weekly) sleepovers with them, etc. I think he's just very secure in his relationships with his two BFFs and that's all he really needs or wants. 

    I might worry if I saw that he seemed to have social anxiety or had trouble playing with/relating to other children. But, if he is generally good with other kids but just hasn't made any particular friendships and/or already has close friends outside of preschool I wouldn't worry about it yet. 

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Honestly my DS is way more socially awkward than that.  My DS does fairly well one on one but in larger groups he is overwhelmed.  At school he will not work with the other kids unless directly asked (he goes to Montessori so it is not play based but they do have lots of fun), he will not play outside at school unless I ask him to before he goes.  He said that friends push so that is why he does not want to play outside, they are not pushing on purpose but they are running around.  The teacher just keeps saying to encourage him and it does help a little.  FWIW, until I was 4 I was super shy and would keep my coat on and sit on my Mom's lap at play dates, by Kindergarten I got my seat changed for talking to much - kids can change so quickly.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
    Report Reply
  • JOEBunnyJOEBunny member

    How old is he?  I tend to subscribe the theories that kids of the 4 and younger set are not really mentally capable of shared empathy and other skills that require awareness of others, which are required for freindship.  I don't think it is unusual for kids not to have "friends" at 4.  My daughter is only just starting to have preferences in who she plays with, and they are still very "self" based, like they have toys she likes, or will play games she likes.  If the teacher is concerned he is not interacting with other kids in an age appropriate manner, that is another matter.  I don't think the lack of having strong preferences for other children is anything to be worried about at this point.  My DD changes her preferences for playmates pretty much daily.  Only two specific children are consistent and they are not school friends. 

    Report Reply
  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    I really wouldn't worry about it at that age especially since you say that he interacts well with other children when he's with your daycare children.
    Report Reply
  • IlumineIlumine member

    Do not be concerned about your son (the teachers on the other hand....not knowing the basic childhood stages....)

    Per the American Acedemy of Pediatrics, children do not move from the parallel play to group play until 3.  They move into cooperative play in preschool, but even then, their "friendships" are not the same as the adult conceptions.

    Friends are just kids that they enjoy playing with, but they do not have empathy or support that we as adults assign to our relationships.

    So unless your son is anti-social, I would not stress that he has not moved on yet.

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"