1st Trimester

When To Tell The Parents & Friends

Hello, I am 5 weeks along and was curious when it is a good time to inform friends and family of our great news?!  The hubby and I were thinking around Christmas time but I was thinking, would it be so bad if we told our parents along with sisters and brothers only around Thanksgiving and then tell the extended family and friends around Christmas?  We have our first doctors appointment in about 3 weeks and thought if that went well it wouldn't be so bad to tell the parents.  What are your thoughts and when did you start to inform your friends and family?  I always here this 3 month rule but wouldn't I start to show by then?

Re: When To Tell The Parents & Friends

  • You should do whatever feels right for you and your hubby.  We waited until about 9 weeks to tell anyone at all (including parents).  We wanted an ultrasound and to see the heartbeat before we told, but that was just a personal choice.  If you don't want to wait until 12 weeks, then tell!  There is no right or wrong time, just that the risk of miscarriage goes down drastically after 1st tri, but honestly there is no guarantee at any time throughout pregnancy.
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  • I told close friends and immediate family after a healthy u/s that showed a strong hb & good growth...and then two weeks later I had to tell them I had a m/c. Telling people is very very bad, and the more people you tell the good news to, the more people you'll have to tell just in case the worst happens. 

    I'm not trying to scare you - but if I knew then what I know now I would have waited at least until after the first trimester (14 weeks) (though of course even that is no guarantee).  

    TTC since July 2009 ^Rosemary^ May 7, 2010 Holding my rainbow, Beatrix, since August 21, 2012
  • Yeah, that is both of our concerns too, which is why maybe we should wait til around Christmas time or something just to be some what sure.  I can't even imagine getting people all excited and then having to tell them the sad news...I appreciate your feedback.
  • It really is whatever you and your husband are most comfortable with.  You'll get this advice from a lot of people here and that is: Tell only those you would be comfortable telling about a loss if, god forbid, your pregancyended up not being viable.  Personally, I would rather wait to tell people.  DH and I waited until the 2nd Tri to tell everyone, incl. family (except my mom - she knew rght away).  I would have waited again this time around, however, my DH has a big mouth apparently.  He is so excited he just started telling everyone so, needless to say, this time around just about everyone we know is aware already.
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  • I asked the same Q when I came to the tri board. Don't tell anyone you wouldn't want to Un-Tell (god forbid something happened) You may consider telling close family (parents, BFF) In the event of a mc or chem peg, you may want their support. 

    Agree w pp. Its a personal choice, just giving some things to consider. I've only told my mother so far & its half because I had some insurance questions for her and because she is a womens health practitioner and I want to be able to discuss & get her prof opinions! 

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  • Whenever you and your husband feel comfortable telling people.  With my first pregnancy, we called our parents right away and told everyone at about 7 weeks or so.  Unfortunately, we miscarried at 12 weeks.  And although we did have a huge support system during that time, we've decided we're not going to tell anyone until we see a healthy heartbeat (only 2 more weeks until out u/s!)...

    Congrats, and you can do whatever is right for you!  :o)

  • I was on the phone with my sister when I took the test. She was the one who suspected I was pregnant. I then called my best friend ... they both knew before my husband...we weren't trying so I needed some advice as to how to tell him so with me it was sort of backwards! We are waiting to tell extended family until the 2nd trimester just to be on the safe side!
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    Lost Lilah (Audra's twin) at 26 weeks. Cause unknown. Forever in our hearts
  • It's totally up to you. I have known people who waited till 2nd tri and others who have told before the pee is dry on the test!

    With our first we told close friends/family at 9 weeks and everyone else at 13.

    I am currently around 5 weeks or so and we won't tell anybody (including parents) until Christmas, the next time we go home and see them in person. We'll be 13-14 weeks at that time. If we lived closer and would see them sooner I may have chosen to tell them around 9-10 weeks, but H and I think this will be a fun surprise at Christmas!

  • We told them tonight when we got our BFP!
  • My Husband and I decided would each tell one person that way if the pregnancy was not successful (which happened the first three times) we had one other person to talk to outside of our relationship. We needed to be able to talk to each other about our feelings, but we also needed at least one other person to go to in case the comforting that we each needed would be met even if either of us could not console the other. For us, I told my mom and he told his oldest sister. It was definately nice to have one person that could console because sometimes when we would get together to try and talk about it all we could do was cry. Do what feels most comfortable for you.

     I wish the best of luck and I hope you don't have to go through anything like that ever.

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  • With our first my hubby and I told only parents and immediate family around 10 weeks. Everyone else we started telling around 2-3 months.
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  • With my first it was much more of a shock so we ended up telling everyone around 6-7 weeks. This time around we plan to tell all of our family when we are together for Thanksgiving.
  • When I was pg with my DD my OB gave me a "grandparents" magazine so we told my parents when we had them over for dinner when I was about 8 weeks.  She'd been watching me like a hawk and I thought she knew something was up.  When she sat down I tossed her a magazine and said I saw something in it she might want to look at.  It took her a minute to register what the title said ;) lol.  Guess she thought I was sick, not pg ;)

    This time around my Mom is deceased so I don't have her watching me, but my Dad eats over about 3-4x a week and usually I have a glass of wine a couple meals a week.  I know he'll start putting two and two together when my husband is home and we don't open a bottle, especially if I make a nice dinner one night.  We had told the grandparents we were TTC because my MIL is retiring in february and wanted us to go to Hawaii, so we had to warn that if I was pg and couldn't travel for some reason we'd have to back out.

    Not sure when I'll tell MIL.  I don't want to hear all about how I'll ruin the Hawaii vacation by being pg.  Seriously.  She threw a fit when we told her and said if I was 8 months pg we'd have to cancel.  I wasn't even pg when we told her we were TTC so it was physically impossible.  No "oh yay I'm getting another grandchild (from her only source, BTW, my DH is an only)."  No.  Just I'm ruining her grand retirement vacation by getting KU.

    Anyways, I go off on tangents when I talk about MIL.  I'd talk to your DH and decide.  So far I've told our BFFs (husband/wife that is like my DH's "brother" and closest I'll get to a SIL) and my sister.  And a few other close friends.  We are having a big family Thanksgiving at the inlaws and I am not sure if I'd want to tell everyone then.  Just because if god forbid something does happen that'd be that many more people.

    There is no "you're safe" zone truly.  I've had many friends experience loss at many stages so I'll probably tell my Dad after my OB appointment confirms my hcgs are good for where I am.  Inlaws we'll probably tell at Thanksgiving (2 days after my OB appointment) but may do it w/o extended fam around and ask them to not tell until Christmas.

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  • We are really close to our family. We told them right away! well, we waited a week. My mom wasnt happy. well she was happy I am pregnant ... but not that I didnt call her immediately

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  • We told right away. Everyone knew within a couple weeks if us finding out.  We can't keep secrets this exciting.  As for possible mc...it's in Gods hands.
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  • We told my parents and sisters right away. We waited a week to tell his family. We told several of our closest friends after about a week. As the weeks have gone on, I've slowly been telling other friends that I'm close with, and won't mind telling if something bad happens. Our extended family, we'll tell at Thanksgiving, when I'm almost 12 weeks.

    Like others have said, it's a personal decision that only you and your DH can decide. For me, there's no way I could keep that secret from my family and if we had a m/c there's no way I wouldn't tell them about it. But you may feel differently.

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  • We told everyone 3 days after we found out (and after 3 positive tests). I must admit I was worried about telling everyone, but I figured even if the worse outcome came about, we'd have to tell our families anyways.  My mom was estatic, by the way, it'll be her first (MIL's 12, LOL) so I cannot believe I made it 3 days without slipping.  Besides, everyone knew we were trying and when my next period was expected.  I also told the gals at work, mainly because I'm a RN and now there are certain patient's I can't take and they'd figure it out if something happened and I didn't show up for a few shifts. And they're all super awesome and we spoil our pregnant nurses by limitng their lifting and more risky patients.  I am so excited :)

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    XoXo
    Sarah


    BFP#1 10/24/11 EDD 07/01/11 DD1 6/29/11
    BFP#2 07/26/12 EDD 03/21/13 M/C(mmc6wk)09/04/12 @~11w
    BFP#3 02/08/13 EDD 10/22/13 M/C(mmc6wk)03/11/13 @~8w
    BFP#4 06/05/13 EDD 02/19/14 DD2 02/05/14


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