Mixed Feelings... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Mixed Feelings...

My husband & I conceived our first child our wedding weekend. Althought not planned, we were thrilled!

Unfortunately, I m/c at 6 weeks. I was so devastated. I have wanted a baby for a while and this hit me hard. My husband was kind and understanding but...he just wasn't as upset as I was. That was Aug 29th, 2010. Since then I've felt sad...alone...angry...relieved...positive...negative. I've been all over the place. I can focus on the positive, but only for so long.

 I had a normal period about 4 weeks after the m/c. I just finished my second period, but it was very strange. I would bleed for a day, then stop for a day, bleed for 2 days, stop for a day, spot, no bleeding...It's so frustrating! I just want a normal body back.

 My husband wants to wait to try again until late spring...althought I understand his reasoning, it just doesn't feel right. We've talked about it, and he's understanding to my feelings, but still does not want to start yet. He's thinking about more practical things (like finishing our remodeling plans) but I just can't let it go. I've felt so empty, a part of me is missing, and I don't feel like I can be 'normal' again until I have that back.

Has anyone else felt so back and forth like this?? It's driving me insane.

Re: Mixed Feelings...

  • I had been stressing when I got my BFP, because the timing was so off.  (I had a 6 month old, we live in a 2 bedroom house, I have no leave left at work, etc.)   I got used to the idea, and then I miscarried.   We talked about trying again, because we'd both gotten ready mentally for the arrival of another baby.   Ultimately, we decided to hold off for a while.     After our initial panic ended, we really fell in love with the baby and the idea of having our children so close together, so it is hard to wait, but we're trying to be practical.  I want to try for a May/June 2012 baby, so my maternity leave runs into my summer vacation.  

    "Cool as Hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter."
  • I do know how you feel. At first I wanted another baby right away, my OB suggested waiting till february to try again and I got very upset with her. That being said, I still havent gotten AF so I have no idea when we'll be able to try. I still dont know if we will wait for FEB or just try after 1 cycle. I have a follow up in a few weeks and maybe she can shed more light on the subject of waiting. We are also building (hoping to be done by next fall) so DH said maybe its a blessing in disguise and thinks we should wait till DS is almost 2.

    I truly think you will "know" when you are ready to again. DS had 2 rough weeks w/ sleeping (teeth) recently and I was thinking in my head "this is what it was like with a newborn, am I ready for that again". So even tho I thought I was ready for another baby, that reality check made me realize that I'm not sure I am.

    Im sorry, I'm not much help! I am truly sorry for your loss!

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  • Our 3rd pregnancy was a surprise.  When I took the hpt I freaked out.  The timing was wrong.  There were so many hurdles to get over.  After a few weeks we got really excited.  Our families were excited.  Our daughter was ecstatic.  Then I miscarried.  Then I couldn't remember why I had been so scared about having another baby, the timing, where we would get another crib, etc. 

    Like you, I feel empty and like I need to be pregnant again to heal.  But, my husband wants to wait until Jan to start talking about when to try again.  My mind knows that it's the smart thing to do but my heart aches for another chance at a health baby and pregnancy. More than that I am still angry that this happened to me.  I should be 17 weeks pregnant right now.  It's so unfair.

    Lucy 12.18.06, Will 6.21.09 & Adeline 11.2.11
  • I can relate. Dh wants to wait until next year and I want to be pregnant again.  Aside from the reasons (financially, school for both of us, and my going back to work), one of the main reasons he wants to wait is, because he is scared it's going to happen again.  He had a really hard time watching me go through it.  It's hard for them too, and maybe it's the same for your husband. 
  • Thank you for your kind words. I agree...it's like my head and my heart are two different people. Sometimes I feel like this sadness with never leave me...I am normally a positive person, but I can't seem to find the good right now.


    I am struggling a bit at this site too, I do not know what all the acronyms mean that some of you are using.... ?

  • I know exactly how you feel about being empty and incomplete. It's the most awful thing. I see other woman with their baby's and I get so jealous and I just yearn to hold my one LO and make everything all better. I know it can't happen but I want it to so badly. My BF wants to wait at least 3 years, which it would be best so he is done with school and we can move. Plus after my D&E yesterday they put an IUD in so I know I will be waiting. But still, it seems to far away and I just miss my baby. I feel so empty. On the bright side when I told my BF how I felt today, he was very comforting about trying later. Though I know I have to wait, it made me feel better to have something to look forward to. So you can always think about it like that, it helps me stay positive. GL with everything and I hope it all goes well for you!!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I think that might be in the back of his mind as well =( and I want to try again so I know, I hate wondering if I'll be able to carry a baby at all...
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