AlishaMay had a great question and I wonder...

bellasmom27 · October 2010

Im currently pregnant with twins and I also have a 2 year old daughter whom have been our world, and is our little princess since day 1. She's mature for a 2 year old and is happy to know she has "2 brothers" in the belly as she says it all the time and tells her teachers how mommy has 2 boys in the belly and such. But at times I cry because my husband and I do so much with her and she has dates with daddy every Sunday. We notice her different milestones and new phrases everyday that she learns, we take her out and do things and ect..I feel sad because I feel that when my 2 little boys are here we feel that she will feel left out and that its not all about "her" anymore. She is still our baby and I cry to my husband at times saying "don't you forget about her babe.."

She is super excited now but I think she will be jealous when they are here especially since the fact that she gets jealous when our dog sits on daddy lap and she says "my daddy!" Now her new thing is "Mommy do you love me?" "Daddy do you love me?" She had only asked us that twice though but I wonder if it have to do with the babies coming..

Temp6313048411121614 · October 2010

I'm not going to lie, that's the hardest part about having twins after a singleton IMO. DH and I have said numerous times that we wish the twins would've come first b/c then nobody would have ever had 100% time and attention. DS1 has definitely felt left out and neglected (even though DH is awesome about taking JR outside to play for hours at a time). We were really having trouble with him over the past 4 or so months and it's gotten even worse this past month. We paid a child development coach come out and help us get on track. She said that for one, the twins are a pair, DH and I are a pair, and DS1 really don't have anyone to pair up with. I'm sure you were looking for a more encouraging post, but this is how it's been here for a while. She did say to not play up the whole "big brother" thing like most do b/c he's still a baby and we shouldn't make him grow up faster than he wants (or would without younger sibs). We've given him more special time when the twins are sleeping and that's helped tremendously. She also said not to "blame" the babies by saying things like, "I have to feed the babies now but we'll play when I'm done", she said to say things like, "when Sesame Street is over (or whatever they're watching/doing) then we can play" instead.

GL.

ougrad1 · October 2010

I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's really, really hard! I'm glad that you already have her is school. This will help you out and help give her some consistency in her life.

Like I said in the previous post, it's almost three months later and I'm still feeling guilty that we don't do things like we used to with her. We are getting much better now that I'm getting the hang of it with the twins and getting some sleep.

I would absolutely have your H keep the Sunday dates with her. That will be HUGE for her. On the weekends if one of us needs to run an errand we will take Emerson and leave the twins with the other. This gives her some one on one time. We just try to take every opportunity that we can to give her praise and individual attention.

You just have to take it as it comes.

MamaCrystal · October 2010

You're right that it won't be all about her anymore... but she'll also have so much more love to give and receive!

We have 4 young ones and we still notice all of their new accomplishments, phrases, new teeth, etc. I've kept a baby book for all of them so that I don't have to rely on my not-so-great memory for those things.

Seeing our kids interacting with each other, making each other laugh, and giving hugs and kisses makes me SO glad that they have each other. My husband and I are never happier than when we watch them making each other happy. You'll see how the relationship your daughter has with her brothers is so different, and in some ways more special, than the one she has with you and your husband. They will always be there for each other!

ougrad1 · October 2010

That's great advice Aussie!!!! I tell Emerson "when I finish with the babies" all the time!

macchiatto · October 2010

I do think that would be really hard, but look at it this way: She's the only one of your kids who has ever gotten that undivided attention. (I'm a third child myself.

) Only oldest and only children ever really experience that. It will absolutely be challenging at first to make sure she still feels love and not displaced, but after a time of adjustment, it will be really good for her to learn how to share your time and attention and to learn that it's not all about her; that's a good life lesson that we all have to learn eventually.

One thing I love about having twins is that my boys have always had to share and as a result, even as 1-year-olds they are looking out for each other, bringing Brother his sippy or blankie without being asked, etc. I don't mean to downplay the challenges of trying to make sure all three of your kids get enough attention, love and reassurance, but there truly is a positive side to it, too.

farmwife · October 2010

I can't speak from experience (yet) but I can tell you what my sister, who has 1+twins, told me when I was expressing these very same fears to her about my DS. She had two main points, one is that when they're this little when their siblings arrive, in the long run they won't ever remember a time without the twins. They'll just be a natural part of their world (granted, this doesn't help you right away but it made me feel better about long term). Also, she said that a lot of times she and her DH tend to go so out of their way to have one on one time and really make their oldest son feel special, apart from the twins, that he actually gets MORE individual attention than the twins do. The twins tend to get lumped together a lot, whereas he is always getting special attention as everyone tries to compensate for the feeling that he may not be getting enough attention. Does that make sense? I agree with the others who said to definitely keep her Sunday dates with Daddy going, those will probably be even more special to her then. Good luck, I completely understand your concern b/c I have the same worries!

MrsMommyLo · October 2010

Aussie*s_Mom:

She also said not to "blame" the babies by saying things like, "I have to feed the babies now but we'll play when I'm done", she said to say things like, "when Sesame Street is over (or whatever they're watching/doing) then we can play" instead.

GL.

This is great advice. I also say this ALL THE TIME.

carissasmom · October 2010

I don't think this is necessarily a "twin" issue. It's a 2nd, 3rd, 4th child issue. You've only had one child - it's what you know how to do. It's what feels comfortable to you. I felt like I could never love another child as much as I loved my first, but you know what it happens and you magically love them and it's all they know. Your daughter is young enough she's not going to remember being the only child. Kids are resillient. I'm 2 of 4 - I like to think I turned out pretty darn decent even if I never had the undivided attention of my parents for an extended length of time.

bellasmom27 · October 2010

Thanks ladies for the GREAT advice, and when my husband comes to bed tonight I will have him read all your posts so he is also aware.

And Aussie I will keep in mind about telling her "when Im done with the babies" cause I would have probably done that AFTER they are born. Thanks for the tips cause Im sure the other moms have also learned a thing or two on here. so happy I have met you guys and to be able to better myself as a mother, and as a future parent of twins.

AlishaMay had a great question and I wonder...

Re: AlishaMay had a great question and I wonder...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards