- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
1st Trimester
Coworker: Sensitive Situation
About 3 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, one of my coworkers announced that her and her hubby were having their first child. They had been trying for over a year and were using Chlomid. An hour or so after she told us the doctor called to say her bloodwork was abnormal and she needed to come to his office. Turns out she had an ectopic pregnancy and was devastated.
So when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked because I def wasnt trying to have a baby. I kept the news to myself until last week when I told my boss and my coworkers. I told them because they were getting concerned as my m/s was getting pretty violent and they noticed I was off.
I told my boss and two other girls and pretty much just let them tell everyone else as I find it awkward to come out and say it.
Everyone has been talking about the baby as everyone except for me and the other cowrker are past child bearing years.
The thing is, my coworker has been the only one to not say a word about the pregnancy, which I understand. I am just wondering should I say something to her? I feel terrible that it hurts her to her about my baby, I just dont know if addressing it would make it better or worse.
Ladies who have been in her situation, what should I do?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Coworker: Sensitive Situation
Thats how I would feel. But she wont even talk to me now and we used to get along pretty well. Now she plops paperwork on my desk and leaves with out a word.
I know it must be incredibly difficult, I feel like responsible in a way. I know Im not I just hate that something to do with me is causing someone pain..
This.
Oh geez. I've been in your co-worker's spot before.
Right now she hates the world, hates the sight of your pregnant face (it sounds harsh, but it's true), and hates anything that is even remotely baby or pregnancy related.
Please, try to be sensitive and not one of those who is talking about your pregnancy/baby stuff around her.
Her and her husband wanted this baby SO badly, and to her, right now, you're a reminder of what they don't have. Maybe, just to let her know you're not one of those pregnant women, put a plate of cookies, or cupcakes on her desk with a little note saying "thinking of you". That's all you need to do.
Thank you! Your reply was what I needed to hear, I just hate to see the pain on her face! I have sat at home and cried over it. I thought about saying something but by no means wanted to do anything to cause pain.
I have never said anything about the baby around her and I dont plan to. I cant even imagine how she feels.
I think I will make her cupcakes or something. I just wish I could do more.
This.
Really, there isn't anymore that you can do. It's an intensely emotional, screwed up situation. I know she'll thank you for a) not alienating her and b) not shoving your pregnancy in her face. You'd be so shocked at how many people do both. It's heartbreaking. On top of losing my daughter, I lost so many friends and family members who were clueless about how to handle me.
I agree with this.
I completely disagree with ignoring her. This was one of the worst things I had to deal with when I had a m/c in March. People knew I was pregnant and the news had to be shared that we lost the baby. Most people completely avoided and ignored me. It felt terrible.
I think that a small gesture would be a huge thing to do. I think saying something to her face would be difficult for both you, and for her... but leaving a note, or sending her a message letting her know that you are sorry for what she's gone through and that it may be difficult to hear of your news - but that you're thinking of her.... would be perfect.
Good luck... this is not an easy situation. You have every right to be happy and positive about your pregnancy. It's nice that you are thinking of her.
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
I had an ectopic pregnancy that included surgery earlier this year. Trust me that she just needed a bit of time to let it settle in. The nicest thing you can do is go talk to her one-on-one and just say that you're really sorry for what she went through. She'll get over it and be happy for you.
At least this would have been the way to approach me after my situation. Congratulations to you!
Not everyone wants to talk about their situation. Some people just want to be left the hell alone.
I know that the last thing I'd want from a coworker who was pregnant is cupcakes.
Exactly this. 100%.
As the person who has been on the other side, I would tell your other coworkers to tone it down and not talk about your pregnancy and babies in general. Every time people around me talked about babies when I lost my little ones, it was like someone was stabbing me in the heart with a rusty knife, twisting it down my abdomen into my intestines and twisting. I would feel like running away, hiding, and crying myself crazy when people would talk about babies around me. She will be very sad and jealous of you, no matter what you do. There isn't much you can do for her because the truth is, her baby just died (that is what it feels like), and she never got to meet him/her, and nothing you say or do can take the pain away except becoming pregnant again and having a healthy baby. It's a pain I would never wish on anyone, but unless you have "been there," you will never understand. I also had my first 3 pregnancies using clomid, so also being the person that had trouble getting pregnant, I imagine it's even more painful because you can't be sure if you can even get pregnant again.
You can ask her how she is doing every so often. It did not feel good when people did not acknowledge my loss, and whatever you do, please do not tell her the story of your cousin's sister-in-law's sister who lost babies and ended up with three healthy kids in the end. It's like telling the widow whose husband just died not to worry because they can always find a new man. It doesn't help.
This is her cross to bear, unfortunately.
This, this, a thousand times this. I would also privately ask your other co-workers to not overdo it on the baby talk to spare her feelings since everyone knows about her loss.
I know how you feel. My brother and SIL have been trying for almost 3 years, we tried for one month. I really didn't want to make the phone call to tell them because I knew she would take it really hard. I ended up leaving a message on their answering machine (they are horse trainers and rarely make it in the house before 9 or 10 at night). She never did call me but sent me a message on FB. I knew she was going to be upset but I didn't know what else to do. They have both been tested in everyway possible and both have a few issues but the drs say it is not impossible for them to get preg. I just hope that she is preg before this little one is born.
On a totally different note, I work with nuns. Imagine having to pretty much telling 55 virgins that you had sex! Talk about a little weird!!