I am a hot mess (update to yesterday's post)

Olive44 · October 2010

I posted yesterday about going to meet my new nephew last night as my SIL was in labor yesterday. Tragic. I get to the hospital and immediately start feeling panic-y. I am in the waiting room (SIL was still in labor) sitting with my parents, aunts, grandma, etc. and I have to run out of the room as I couldn't hold the tears back. This happened several times throughout the night. What is wrong with me? I think it had to do with: 1) the only time I have ever been to that hospital was for my D&C in Jan. 2) The OB delivering my SIL's baby was my old OB from my pregnancy who also did my d&c who I haven't seen since then 3) I was hanging out in the maternity ward where there women in labor walking around everywhere, newborn babies crying, and blue/pink ribbons hanging on all the doors.

I never even got to meet the baby because it was getting late and he still hadn't been born. I just feel like such an unstable mess. I guess maybe I need therapy or something. I can't live my whole life like this everytime someone is pg or has a baby. I have to go back up there today to actually meet my nephew and I hope I have a lot more strength today than I did last night.

jillcanada · October 2010

Olive - don't feel bad for what you are feeling. I think we all do this and end up even worse off because of the guilt. You can't control your feelings that surface unexpectedly, and I would have been a blubbering fool, or not even there if I had been in your shoes...You WILL make it through this. You WILL be okay. Bug hugs.

Olive44 · October 2010

jillcanada:
Olive - don't feel bad for what you are feeling. I think we all do this and end up even worse off because of the guilt. You can't control your feelings that surface unexpectedly, and I would have been a blubbering fool, or not even there if I had been in your shoes...You WILL make it through this. You WILL be okay. Bug hugs.

Thank you. I do just feel so GUILTY for feeling that way, but it's like I couldn't control it last night. It was so overwhelming. I will admit though that I was in love the second I saw a picture of him. This whole journey is just much harder than I ever imagined. It's also really hard when no one in your family understands the pain you are feeling.

babes12 · October 2010

it's ok to feel that way. of course it's going to be an overwhelming situation and you have a right to feel sad.

I think today will be a much better day for you when you meet your nephew. (((hugs)))

jillcanada · October 2010

Unfortunately, I do get what you are saying. My poor brother didn't know if he should call me or not when baby Elliotte was born last Friday. My newborn niece is the cutest thing ever. I spent an hour yesterday building a bear for her and buying new clothes for her older sister's bear (tradition I started when the nieces came along, I have 4...) The store attendants didn't know why I sat there for so long crying, and I didn't care. I wasn't going to start to explain.

bbhalphen · October 2010

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry! This sounds bad, but do you have any extra pain meds from your D&C? I was in a similar situation and took one before going and it helped.

Clerk9 · October 2010

Olive, you are SUCH a good sister for being supportive even though it's so hard for you! I think that ANYONE would have a difficult time going through what you went through last night (& are going through now).

You are a good person & a wonderful family member. And human. I think it's totally natural to respond the way you are responding. But if you feel like therapy would help, I definitely think it's a great outlet.

((SUPER HUGE HUGS)) We're all here for you!!!

Olive44 · October 2010

bbhalphen:
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry! This sounds bad, but do you have any extra pain meds from your D&C? I was in a similar situation and took one before going and it helped.

That probably would have been a good idea. I decided to have a couple drinks before I went last night to help relax me, but I think it only made me more emotional.

I'm happy to report that I just went to the hospital again to meet him, and I did really well. All smiles, no tears.

You guys are the best, by the way. Thanks for helping me to remember I'm not a freak, I'm just in a really shiity situation.

KristysRedBarn · October 2010

Huge hugs. I'm so sorry your going through all of this. I'm not sure if I should say this or not, but I really think the feelings you had last night are very normal. It's been 2 1/2 years and I still struggle to walk into our hospital. I definitely can't do the L&D floor. My sister had major surgery a few months after our loss and she was put on the L&D floor of her hospital, I shed many tears as I struggled with visiting her and hearing the babies and their parents. I honestly think it's okay if you can't visit them in the hospital. It's okay to wait until they go home, then take them a nice hot meal and visit then.

mdm2137 · October 2010

Honestly, I don't I would've even made it to the hospital. There is nothing wrong with you, what happened was normal because of what you've been through. ((big hugs))

CashewsMommy · October 2010

((((hugs)))) I'm sorry you had a difficult time there. I think we all know how you feel though, and that's okay. I remember when I went to visit my cousin when she was in labor. I told them that I was being supportive then, because I knew after I couldn't. He was born in June and i still haven't been in the same close proximity as him since.

millejj1 · October 2010

you don't need to apologize, that was a lot to take in all at once. Hopefully, when you go meet your nephew it will be better. Hugs!

butterfly843 · October 2010

Sending big hugs, glad to hear today went better. You are such a wonderful sister for going to the hospital twice. I don't think I could go even once right now.

BabyMimi · October 2010

I'm sorry that sounds awful. You should not feel bad for your feelings. They are completely natural and understandable.

((hugs))

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