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January 2011 Moms
Milo5181
member
Seat acceptance protocol?
Milo5181
member
Let's say you are a pregnant lady (duh). You are on the subway, or the bus, or a crowded waiting room, and all the seats are taken. You are wearing a swing coat that doesn't necessarily maximize your bump, but your bump isn't exactly hidden at this point. You can feel people looking at you, some of whom may be wondering if in fact you are pregnant and worthy of a seat, or just fat.
After a few minutes, the oldest woman in your line of sight offers you her seat. (She is late 50s). Everyone else around you is able-bodied and significantly younger.
Do you:
a) let her keep her seat, because it's really the other people around you who should be offering? Even though you know that once you reject the seat, everyone else will think, "Oh good, now I don't need to offer my seat," even though that is not why you didn't accept.
b) accept her seat, even though it means displacing the one lady who should probably get to keep her seat when there are tons of young healthy people around?
c) accept her seat, only to notice that sitting next to you is a medical student reviewing an OBSTETRICS TEXTBOOK? And then you spend the rest of the ride wondering whether you should yell at her for being a selfish doctor who can't even give up her seat for the very type of patient she is now studying??!?!?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Seat acceptance protocol?
I hate that people in NYC are so rude. I live in Queens and take the E every morning and I stand in the train for the entire trip. What's even worse is when people try to push me or get past me to hurry into the train to get a seat. I mean, I never rush to get a seat, I just stand at the side to let them in, so that they wouldn't push me. When the train is crowded and someone gets up, people usually rush to get the seat even though clearly I am right next to the seat and could sit there.
In the mornings, it's mostly younger men sitting in the seats on the train. I have only gotten offers from women on the train in the afternoons, I guess you probably have to have a child to realize how hard it is for our feet, not to mention balancing in a rough ride. Yesterday, I was in a somewhat crowded subway car and these high school kids were fooling around, and one of them pushed another one into me.... and his backpack and him landed into me. I felt the impact and immediately got off the train to have a seat and cry. I think it's horrible that people are so insensitive, I don't want their seat, but please have some respect when I am struggling to stand there firmly.
About your question, I would say no to the old woman, unless she forced me to take it, then I'd have to take it. You know what goes around comes around. I never really sat on the train pre pregnancy but when my kids are old enough to sit on the train, I will teach them to always give their seats up.
lol I wouldn't call a person in their 50's "older" I'd accept the seat graciously. And then stare down student with obstetrics book making him feel uncomfortable.
ETA: assumed the med student has a he, now I see it's a her...definitely make her feel uncomfortable :-)
I would probably decline her seat (unless I was dying to sit down at the end of the day or something) and even then I would make a loud comment thanking her for her seat and mentioning how tired I am from being so pregnant.
That way the other bozo's around me would know why she offered the seat. But unless I was really dead tired and sore I would decline the seat from her.
That was nice of her though - one person left with any manners.
Lol what would you say though?? haha
"Thank you so much for the seat! Being on my feet all day and 7 months pregnant just makes me exhausted!"
Done!
I find that it is ONLY obviously middle-aged to older women who are most likely mothers themselves who actually give up seats to me on the train. Commuters are A$$.
I say a woman in her 50s is probably sturdy enough to stand, and I would very graciously thank her for her seat and make the loud comment that I really appreciate the break from being on my feet... and then stare down the OB student.
BUT if she were a little more grey-haired (say 70s+?), I would say something like "Oh no, you should stay seated, let one of these young folks give up a seat for a change."
Also, if I am weary from being on my feet all day, say from an event at work or something, I have NO qualms with just plain old asking someone to let me have their seat. Generally, I find this goes over best with middle-aged black or Filipino men (NOT business men in suits - they fall into the rude selfish commuter category).
I would say A. DH and I were in SF a few weekends ago and we walked around all day so when we were heading back to DH bestfriends house we took the trolly car back. NO ONE offered me their seat even though my bump was out in the open. The thing that pissed me off the most was that all of the people on the trolly were parents with kids, and not little kids that need to sit.
Funny you should say this - I was on the Cable Car there on the weekend and the driver made me hang off the side (because it was crowded), There were so many people watching me and my belly hanging on the side and nobody offered up a seat.
I ride a commuter train and metro daily. I have only recently been offered seats. Occasionally, they all just sit there intently ignoring whether or not there are people around who might need them.
The other day there was an older lady, let's say 65 who was rubbing her knee. She sat next to me. Her husband of about the same age but obviously physically able was standing. Generally, I would have just gotten up and let him have the seat whether or not he wanted it. On that occasion I decided instead to ask him if he needed to sit. I think it would have been awkward if I'd given him my seat and then he noticed my bump. He might have even been a little offended that I thought he was that old.
Today while I was getting my 1 hour GD test a woman came in for the 3 hour test and she was standing waiting to sign in. Another woman, who didn't have a seat looked around at some of us and said that someone should give up their seat for the pregnant woman. I didn't say anything or get up because then it would have been more obvious that her solution didn't work. My belly might be on the small side, but it definitely doesn't mean that I should give my seat to the other pregnant lady...or does it? Her belly did look a much bigger than mine, but so do a lot of women in the same week as me. I don't know. The woman soon found out however, that she couldn't get the 3 hour unless she'd shown up before 8 am because the lab facility closes for lunch (during the time she'd need her blood drawn the second time), so it was moot.
I've had a lot of luck having people offer me their seats on the DC metro. I noticed that young men are the worse, however. They will literally try to rush to an open seat before you.
To answer your question, I would take the seat and side-eye the Ob/Gyn student. At this point in my pregnancy, balance is definitely an issue.
How about you just stand and not expect anyone to give up their seat. I have no problem offering my seat to a pregnant woman (when I am not preg.) but I don't think that just b/c you are pregnant you should expect a seat.
I didn't see where anyone said they expected a seat simply because they were pregnant.
My question to you is "why do you offer your seat to a pregnant woman when you are not pregnant?" If your answer is "It's good manners, the pregnant woman's feet or back probably hurt and she might have a hard time keeping her balance"....then you've pretty much missed the point of the post....people don't expect seats, but expecting common courtesy is not unreasonable.